Yet Another Explanation From Toyota On Unintended Acceleration

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Toyota made big news today, with a press release titled "Toyota Announces Details of Remedy to Address Potential Accelerator Pedal Entrapment," by announcing the details of a recall that will apparently stop all those problems of Toyota's accelerating wildly out of control, as detailed in a Houston Press cover story from April, "Wild Rides," and more recently by the Los Angeles Times.

We're being told by Toyota that the floormats aren't the culprit -- as was reported earlier -- but it's actually those damned gas pedals that are causing all the fuss.

All the fuss actually started this summer after a Lexus -- made by Toyota -- sped up and wouldn't stop, eventually crashing and killing all four passengers, including a California Highway Patrol officer and a 13-year-old girl.

According to the press release, Toyota owners can start in January taking in their vehicles to dealerships to have the gas pedal "reshaped" as a temporary fix. Then, "as replacement parts with the same shape as the modified pedal become available, they will be made available to dealers for the repair, beginning around April 2010.

The Couple That Robs Banks Together Stays Together

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Photo courtesy FBI
Fun with Dick & Jane was pretty much a bomb for Jim Carrey, but it looks like one couple really liked it.

They walked into a Wirt Road Krogers this afternoon and robbed it.

As the FBI puts it:

At approximately 12:55p.m., the couple entered the Kroger and proceeded to the bank located inside. Both approached the teller, but it was the woman who handed the teller a threatening note which demanded money. The teller turned over some cash. The robbers fled the area and were last seen running across the Kroger parking lot and across Wirt Road. No one was physically hurt during the robbery.
Why they didn't stay to stock up on Stove Top stuffing and canned cranberry sauce, we'll never know.

Call Crime Stoppers if you recognize them -- you'll get some cash for the holiday shopping season.

As You Stuff Yourself Tomorrow And (We Hope) Watch The Cowboys Lose, Don't Forget Us

We can tell by the quiet outside the office window that the Thanksgiving exodus has probably already occurred. Or maybe everyone's working late and it will get really busy in an hour or so.

At any rate, even though tomorrow is Thanksgiving, be sure to check back here for posts. We'll be offering insight into Black Friday, Thanksgiving movies, murders, and things to be thankful for.

Eat well, be happy and click away, dudes.

Oh, and sign up for Hair Balls Twitter updates at http://twitter.com/HairBallsNews.

And The 2009 Turkey Of The Year Is.....

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The suspense has been so thick you could cut it with....Oh, Christ, what's the word we're looking for here...some kind of cutting implement...a really sharp-edged melon-baller? No, that's not it. Maybe box cutters.

At any rate, you can relieve that suspense right now by clicking on our current cover story and finding out who walked away with the prestigious 2009 Turkey of the Year award.

It was a tremendously competitive year, so the winner really had to outdo himself (or herself!) Was it Sheila Jackson Lee, giving the greatest eulogy since the Gettysburg Address? Allen Stanford, for reinforcing the tasteless-Texan stereotype?

Cecil Cooper, for just being Cecil Cooper?

The answer lies a mere click away.

(A knife!!!! That's what we were thinking of!!!)

Game Time: A Hand Of Blackjack At The "Atrocious Football Game Management" Convention

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EXT. HO-CHUNK CASINO IN BARABOO, WISCONSIN -- NIGHT

The sun is setting behind the main casino building and the marquee at the front of the parking-lot entrance reads "2009 ATROCIOUS FOOTBALL GAME MANAGEMENT CONVENTION." This is the annual gathering where football coaches at the college and pro level who have proven through stupidity, stubbornness, or mere genetics that they have no idea how to manage end-of-game situations all gather to exchange a free flow of ideas that will ultimately get them all fired.


INT. MAIN TABLE GAME AREA -- $50 BLACKJACK TABLE

University of Arizona football coach Mike Stoops (wearing a white visor, Arizona sweatshirt and khakis) sits at a blackjack table by himself, in the "first base" seat, with a healthy stack of chips in front of him while the dealer shuffles the six decks of cards that will soon be placed in the shoe for the next round.

DEALER: (casually shuffling) So, you're in town for this Atrocious Football Game Manager thing, huh?

STOOPS: (stirring his drink somewhat nervously) Yeah, I've been comin' for the last five years.

DEALER: Well, I know it says "ATROCIOUS" on the marquee, but whatever you lack in game management at football, you make up for at blackjack. You're makin' all the right moves today, Coach.

STOOPS: Yeah, actually most of the time I make pretty good moves, but the problem is I'll make one stupid decision and then it kind of rolls downhill on me. People say I don't handle adversity real well, but whatever. Like the Oregon game this season...we had it in the bag, and then I got a little conservative, and then our students started to rush the field early, and then....do we have to talk about this???

DEALER: No, no...it's cool.  

At this moment, LSU head football coach Les Miles, dressed in a purple sweat jacket and a two-foot-tall LSU baseball cap, sits down next to Stoops.

R.I.P., La Strada -- One More Montrose Landmark Closing Its Doors

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In the final chapter of a long-drawn demise of a lower Westheimer institution, La Strada shuttered this morning. Numerous insiders and former patrons attribute the demise of the 22-year-old restaurant, notorious for its rollicking Sunday brunches, to a 2002 fire which closed the restaurant for over a year.

"Before the fire, there was a spirit there -- kind of a hybrid of mid-city urban chic and wild, flamboyant, screaming-queen fun," says former patron Melissa K. Cherry. "That spirit was gone after the fire. After the fire, they kind of got all velvet-rope exclusionary, and I think that hurt them."

Online, Cherry reminisced about the joint's glory days thusly: "Used to love Sunday brunches there! Tossing Jell-o shots and flying paper airplanes made from gay porn magazines along with spontaneous line dancing and roundhouse showtune chorales. Now it is a morgue."

In 2004, a B4-U-Eat reviewer had this to say about the post-fire Sunday brunch scene at La Strada: "Remember when Sunday was La Strada? Remember when the bellinis flowed, the beads flew and the crowd was as colorful as the confetti? The bellinis are now in plastic, the beads are outlawed and the channel was changed from Queer as Folk to Sex in the City. What fool decided to "straighten" out Sunday?"

While Cherry didn't know quite how true her choice of the word "morgue" was, she says she was still shocked to learn that the place was closing. "I had some wonderful times there. At least those I can remember."

Warning: It's A No-Refusal DWI Weekend In Harris County

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Be warned if you plan on using some blessed liquor to get you through the horror of your in-laws this Thanksgiving -- Harris County is making this a "no-refusal" weekend when it comes to DWIs.

The District Attorney's office has announced they'll be setting up the usual mobile labs, compete with nurses and a judge ready to sign a warrant, for any possibly drunk drivers who refuse to blow into a Breathalyzer like every attorney advises.

"Recent 'No Refusal' operations have confirmed the success and need for the program," the DAs announcement said. "A Labor Day weekend deployment resulted in 191 DWI-related arrests, including 20 for repeat offenses. During the Fourth of July period, the program gained DWI  charges against 337 motorists."

What's worse, if you're planning on endangering the public, is that officials are being cagey this time.

Diamond In The Back, Sunroof Down For Aggie Women's Hoops

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Ladies and gentlemen, the new media guide for the Texas A&M women's basketball team. We've got nothing against players dressing up (unlike this columnist from Seattle, who thinks this trend has something to do with homophobia), but we have to ask: What the hell is coach Gary Blair doing?

His little tie-adjusting move seems to indicate he's got the pick of these lovely ladies, or he's going to offer them to you.

Mack Daddy is probably not the pose to go for here, dude.

Bayou Body Count: Arguments And Infants

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You know what they say: Nothing good ever happens at the club after midnight.

That certainly seemed to be the case this past weekend. On Sunday, for instance, three guys at about 2:50 a.m. were heading out of the Kahlua Disco club at 7600 Dashwood when they bumped into a pair of partiers.

Tempers suddenly flared, police say, and everyone ended up in the parking lot (which is actually the last place you want to take an argument).

You guessed it, after a few moments, someone from the second group pulled out a pistol and started firing, hitting all three of his opponents, police say. The twosome then jumped in a burgundy minivan and sped off. Police are still investigating.

One night earlier, Alexander Torres, Jr. was at the Oasis Lounge on the 7700 block of Irvington. Once again, it was late, well after midnight, when someone dialed 9-1-1.


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UH Football And Basketball Have Big Weekends On Tap

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One season is ending. One season is just beginning. But for the Houston Cougars, it's a big Thanksgiving weekend either way with the football team playing for the C-USA West title, and the basketball team up in Alaska playing against Big 12 power Oklahoma in the Great Alaska Shootout on Thursday.

That the football team is playing for the C-USA West title with the chance to play in the conference championship game is, in itself, a bit of a miracle. The Cougars shot themselves in the foot way back in October when they lost to UTEP and suffered a conference defeat. But after handling the games that followed, including the last-second win at Tulsa, the Cougars were cruising to the title. Only to lose to UCF two weeks ago.  

That left the Cougars a game behind SMU in the C-USA West standings. But thankfully, SMU coach June Jones was more concerned with getting a trip to a bowl game in Hawaii, and less concerned with actually winning the conference and the chance to play in the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. And thankfully, his team followed his example, and they lost to Marshall on Saturday in a game that they should have won. Thus, SMU and Houston are now tied, and the Cougars hold the tiebreaker advantage.

"We have to concern ourselves with the next game," QB Case Keenum said last week. "Things tend to have a way working out. At the end of the season it seems like everything goes crazy and a lot of situations are possible. We just have to worry about ourselves."

And he was right. The Cougars took care of business against Tulsa and things worked out. Of course, as Keenum said, the Cougars have to keep worrying about themselves and the next game. Rice should be an easy win for the Cougars. Then again, UTEP and UCF should have been easy wins.

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