The single greatest entertainer the world has ever known, Mr. Don Ho.

​Driving home from work the other day, I found myself making a mental list. I wondered: Who would I have lunch with if time, money and social standing got thrown out the window? Would I pick an actor, singer, artist, politician?

I established a few rules:

1- It can be anyone in history (no fiction), alive or dead. No one from the future. That's weird.

2- You can eat anything, anywhere and anyhow.

3- They have to pay.

What follows is my Top Five fantasy lunch mates, in no particular order:

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Photo by Troy Fields

Finish dinner with a nightcap of shisha.

​So you've decided to buck the traditions this year and take your sweetheart somewhere for dinner that won't be an overpriced, overcrowded mess of boring pasta dishes and flourless chocolate cakes. Good on you!

Valentine's Day -- or any good date night -- can be much more romantic when you mix it up and head somewhere exotic. The sense of shared adventure or simply the open flames from a hot pot can heat up the evening like no fancy white tablecloths could ever do. Here are a few suggestions for the more spontaneous and intrepid diners this Valentine's Day, and remember: Nothing's sexier than having an open mind.

5. Shisha and skewers at Cafe Mawal

Weather permitting, sit outside at Cafe Mawal where the huge patio sprawls out underneath a canopy of oak trees and fairy lights. After a dinner of freshly grilled meats, spend the evening talking and blissing out with some Arabic coffee and apple shisha in a shared hookah, passing the tip of the hose back and forth between your lips. If you'd rather pass the evening with a few glasses of vino in a similar manner, you can also get excellent kebab and shisha along with Lebanese wine at Skewers.

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Photo by Joanna O'Leary.

Can It Really Be Done?

​When I blogged last week about five food maneuvers that only work on television, Nicholas L. Hall and Dave Lieberman corrected my assertion that drinking out of a straw stuck directly in an orange couldn't be done in real life. Furthermore, they offered some tips as to how to do so:

"The trick to the orange is to beat the shit out of it first." - Nicholas L. Hall

"Agreed. Roll it around while trying to mash the life out of it. Then stick your straw in there and suck." - Dave Lieberman

I'm always up for a "food" challenge and have been hankering for fresh-squeezed juice ever since Katharine Shilcutt's post on Snap Kitchen's cold-pressed confections.

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2012 is your year, JELL-O.

​I was happy to read Katharine's Shilcutt's piece on the single-dish restaurant trend for several reasons. First, I generally love the idea of specialty shops and sometimes long for the days when grocery shopping meant going to the butcher, then the cheese-monger, then the bakery, etc., etc., rather than just the all-inclusive supermarket. Second, my perpetually indecisive self always benefits from a limited menu, and a one-dish joint (provided I like the one thing they serve) would save me some time and stress. Here are five single-dish restaurant concepts I hope to see in 2012:

5. JELL-O. Not the pudding, just the gelatin, which is long overdue for a comeback. There's so much more to JELL-O than just cherry jigglers; frequently overlooked flavors include apricot, margarita, and island pineapple. The flagship location (I'm assuming, of course, popularity would necessitate a multi-city franchise) would be staffed by Bill Cosby impersonators.

4. Milkshakes. We have establishments devoted solely to smoothies and coffee and juice, respectively, so why not the milkshake? My dream milkshake spot would offer all the classic flavors, plus a rotating menu of seasonal options and your choice of milk (cow, goat, yak, coconut, etc.). Grownup options like Brooklyn Bowl's bourbon shake would be available after 4 p.m.

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​"Choice Bits" was my grandfather's term for those special pieces of dishes that are inherently more delectable than the other parts. Obviously, what constitutes "choice bits" differs from person to person: my sister, for examples, likes the "skin" of heated milk. Here are my top 5 choice bits; readers, chime in with your favorites.

5. The Cheetos Runt. The tiniest cheese crunch, which despite its diminutive size, packs in the most grease and powdered cheese pleasure. There's one in every bag and when I see it, I snarf it. Tip: the littlest of the Cheetos litter usually lurks in the very bottom corner of the bag.

4. The Dregs of Hot Cocoa. Even the most well-mixed hot cocoa eventually separates over time, with the powder settling at the bottom of the mug. That cloying sludge of milk and chocolate is my favorite, though I can only stand a few sips.

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On TV, even a small French child is good at separating Oreos.

As a little kid, I liked to eat my cereal in a clear bowl with bright-white milk with the box placed next to my bowl facing outward toward an imaginary audience. Just like in the commercials. For whatever reason, I found replicating those advertisement tableaux extremely satisfying, and since then, I've compulsively attempted to recreate certain consumption techniques and serving styles I see on the airwaves. But I've come to a startling conclusion: real life does not always mirror TV. Here are five maneuvers that only work (perfectly) on television.

5. Separating Oreos. I'm not saying it can't be done, I'm just saying I've never been able to do it. On the commercials, separating Oreos into two pristine halves, one pure cookie and one pure cookie and cream is a feat accomplished by clumsy toddlers and arthritic 80-year-olds alike. And this makes me feel like a loser.

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Photo by Jonathan Cohen

​For the next 20 weeks, we'll be rounding up the runners-up to our 2011 Best of Houston® winners. In many categories, picking each year's winner is no easy task. We'll be spotlighting 20 of those categories, in which the winner had hefty competition from other Houston bars and restaurants.

There's something about the kind of place that specializes in a good martini -- a true martini, I might add, and not one made with vodka -- that typically lends itself to a certain clientele.

Customers ordering legit martinis are not the same people you'll find ordering appletinis at Midtown clubs or vodka martinis at River Oaks hot spots. Martini drinkers are, on the whole, a more mature set -- not necessarily in age, but in attitude -- and therefore more appreciative of liquor's taste, choosing not to mask it with sugary syrups or juices.

Many bars that specialize in the classic cocktail also have a darker side to them, too. Marfreless is a good example of the dirtier side of martini bars, and there's a reason that people have nicknamed the bar on Sandman "The Davensnort."

Keep your nose clean, though, and a true martini bar can be a thing of beauty.

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Photo by Joanna O'Leary

Fresh ginger is lovely but not always necessary.

​First, some clarification. "Herb" is a rather broad term, referring generally to any plant part used for medicinal, culinary, or aromatic purposes. I'm interested in those roots, leaves, flowers, etc. primarily used in food preparation (and, sorry, but I'm not counting "tea" as a food). The rule of thumb for herbs is usually that fresh trumps dried with regards to taste, texture, and flavor, but sometimes the reverse is true. Or is at least far more convenient. Here are five herbs you needn't always pluck straight from the garden.

5. Star Anise. You may know it as illicium verum. Or not. Anyway, this staple of Chinese and South Asian cuisine is a major component of many meat and masala dishes. The blossoms are harvested before they ripen, and then dried in order to intensity the licorice flavor.

4. Ginger. Yes, fresh ginger is divine and a non-negotiable component of some foods like gari. However, shucking and grating those bulbous rhizomes can be a royal pain in the arse and totally not worth it for run-of-the-mill baking projects.

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Photo by euthman on Flickr

​This Sunday thousands of runners will be pounding the streets of Houston and at some point during their x-hour runs, they might want a little snack. Officials will be handing out water and Endurance Formula Gatorade (the official energy drink of the Chevron Houston Marathon), but some extra treats ingested along the way can really raise one's spirits (and blood sugar). If you'll be among the spectators and are looking to offer food and drink to passing participants, that's terrific. Your comestible support is surely appreciated; however, you might want to keep in mind the following guidelines and recommendations for the safety and comfort of all involved.

First, some thoughts on technique. Stand by the side of the course with individual portions in each outstretched hand. Continually identity what you're offering; runners won't grab something unless they know what it is, so a semi-constant of chant of, for example, "Grape Powerade" is always helpful. Don't be offended if people pass on your freebies. Everyone has his own race nutrition strategy, and it may not involve Pop-Tarts. Just be a little offended if runners don't say "thank you." They may be in significant pain or ferociously intent on BQing or just sort of out of it. (But runners, don't be jackasses. A simple "thanks" won't cost you that much time, and most of you aren't in it to win it.)

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Photo by Fratelli's Authentic Italian Cuisine

Pick up your pace with some pasta at Fratelli's.

​Houston marathon runners, you've trained long and hard (I hope) in preparation for running 26.2 miles this coming Sunday. Now, it's time to eat. A lot. Although carbo-loading has its critics, many aspiring endurance athletes still swear by the practice. Sure, you can eat your weight in bagels and whole-wheat tortillas and cereal, but that's no fun. Here are my picks for the best places to top off those glycogen stores.

5. Shipley Do-Nuts

Iced pastries shouldn't be the foundation of a carbo-loading diet, but one or two the night before the race are a much-deserved treat and a great way to spike your blood sugar. Stick to the dense cake varieties rather than dairy-heavy cream kinds to avoid GI distress.

4. Fratelli's

You can't go wrong with pasta (though go easy on the heavy sauces) in terms of marathon fuel. While a jar of Prego and a box of Barilla will certainly suffice, Fratelli's offers some divine handmade selections and is hosting a special "carb festival" the day before the marathon. Entrees include penne with spinach, chicken, and sun-dried tomatoes, lasagna bolognese, and spaghetti with homemade meatballs.

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