How do students at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah celebrate Black History Month? Well, mostly they don't. Obviously. There are roughly 176 African-American students out of the 30,000 kids at Mitt Romney's alma mater. (Surprisingly, one of those black students actually made it into the video above.)

But at least one ridiculous BYU student answered by saying that he celebrates Black History Month by eating "fried chicken" and drinking "grape juice."

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Captain Karl's Supreme Pizza Dip: So bold.

​"I'm so glad @DadBoner is live-Tweeting the Super Bowl," I mindlessly told my boyfriend this past Sunday over a spread of food and beer too large for the two of us. Maybe it was all of the sodium, sugar and alcohol coursing through me that night, but I was finding an all-too-real sense of pleasure in reading Karl Welzhein's account of the big game.

"Gonna make up a batch of Top Shelf Margs (special recipe) to really 'kick off' the celebraish. Ha! Makin em double special, you guys," Welzhein wrote before the game started. And when the national anthem geared up, Welzhein got typically emotional: "America, you guys. Take your goddamn hats off for this beautiful lady."

By all accounts, Welzhein (a.k.a. @DadBoner) is an over-the-top and lovably fake Twitter personality created by some mysterious Internet denizen. He has imbued his creation, Welzhein, with an aggressively masculine and often patriotic demeanor and Midwestern guilelessness that's offset by drunken, sophomoric antics and a mid-life crisis, the latest twist in which has seen Welzhein getting "divorced" from his "wife," Ann.

Although I don't entertain any notions that @DadBoner is real, Craig Hlavaty does. He was sad to see news of the "divorce" and was worried when Peanut, Welzhein's friend, "went missing." Hlavaty is one of the legions of @DadBoner fans (around 50,000 at last count) who like to think that maybe Karl Welzhein is or was a real person at one point, a person who's perhaps awkwardly and drunkenly constructing a fishing shanty somewhere outside of Grand Blanc, Michigan while blissfully ignorant of the online following his day-to-day life has garnered.

One of those fans brought at least a little of Welzhein to life over the weekend when he made Captain Karl's Pizza Ship Dip, the "recipe" for which was posted on @DadBoner's account.

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50 percent off sandwiches with a "vise-like grip"!

​"My mom sent me this today," began the email from my co-worker, which he'd simply titled "How NOT To Write a Groupon Description."

"She says the place is really terrific," he continued, "but this description...I mean..."

The Groupon ad, for a wine bar in Spring called Crescent Moon, started out innocuously enough:

Tables at fine-dining restaurants are known for their fancy white-linen outfits, unlike tables in home kitchens, which are notorious for going nude.

...wait, going nude? I'm sure that's just a sort of lame attempt at being cute and funny. Right?

But the ad only got stranger from there. Like an overeager copywriter's first piece of descriptive writing, the ad unfolded into a flowery piece of fluff made stranger by subtle hints of creepiness in its edges.

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A mere week ago, I was petulantly whining that of all the eminently quotable people who've had "Shit ____ People Say" videos made out of their inane, daily vocabulary, we foodies had yet to be targeted. We are always ripe for the picking, folks.

"Can I get that with a fried egg on it?"

"I'd really like that sandwich shop more if it stocked locally baked artisan bread."

And the Internet gods heard my cry. Finally, a "Shit Foodies Say" video has been born.

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Caution: The video above is highly NSFW for reasons including but not limited to: a penis being cut off by a pizza boomerang in graphic detail. Watch at your own risk.

Pizza Boomerang is the latest viral video making the rounds on YouTube and Twitter. (And, if your mom happens to have seen it, then probably also on Facebook.) I can come up with no coherent sentences to describe the 150-second video that make any sense, so we'll start with some word association: He-Man, aviator sunglasses, suicidal old men in Christmas sweaters, snowglobes that predict the future, crying Asian men, park flashers, microwaves embedded in stalagmites, whole grilled octopus, severed penises and -- of course -- pizza shaped like a boomerang.

It's as if Stefon from Saturday Night Live was tasked with making a pizza commercial: "New York's hottest club is Push. This club has everything: ghosts, banjos, Carl Palideno, a stuck up kitten who won't sign autographs, furkles." Yes, furkels are fat Urkels.

In the midst of this whirlwind of crazy, it's best not to question the how or why of it all. The only important question here is this: Is Pizza Boomerang a real thing?

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