Even our goats are going crazy.

Ever since Taco Bell introduced the Doritos Locos Tacos in 2012 (Nacho Cheese) and again in 2013 (Cool Ranch), the Internet has lost its collective shit for Doritos. Our own Christina Uticone got the chip-induced fever and reviewed both flavors herself and rumor has it that Frito Lay is making a Doritos-Locos-flavored Doritos -- which just kind of blows our minds, but we digress...

Knowing that the Internet wouldn't let the madness stop at Taco Bell, we went on the hunt for some of the wildest Doritos creations out there. We figured y'all were crazy...and boy, were we right.

Check out these 5 Insane Genius Kinda Awesome Doritos Ideas:

More »

Photo by OctopusHat

The Pilgrims knew how to feast, man. Back in the day, they had it all -- wild turkey, venison, lobster, chestnuts, pumpkins, plums and even freaking seal. These guys set out the perfectly laid plan: Come together as a community and give thanks while gluttonously* feasting on locally sourced meat, poultry and seafood served with fresh, seasonal produce.

*The gluttony may or may not have been involved back then, but it has become an integral part of my Thanksgiving plan.

So I wonder, how -- with all of the history, all the years of practice and all the hours spent pinning random pretty pictures on Pinterest in the middle of the night -- did we manage to mess this one up? We may have finally figured out how to do the turkey justice and make a mean stuffing, but there are still tons of godawful sides that sneak their way into our feast, year after year.

This Thanksgiving, my wish is for all the....shit, we don't wish on Thanksgiving, do we? Okay, how about this: I'm going to lay out another perfectly laid plan for you guys, just like our ridiculously hatted forefathers.

See also:
- Top 5 Under-$25 Wines for Thanksgiving
- The Mayo Clinic's 10 Tips for Choosing and Prepping a Turkey
- A Very Costco Thanksgiving: Feeding 8 People for $80 (Plus the Cost of Pie)

More »

It just feels right...

Remember the McGangbang? Yeah, sorry...We're sorry we brought it up again, too. But it got us thinking: Surely there have to be other "secret menu" items lurking out there, just waiting to be discovered. And because we live in a sick, sick world, there are. So we dug them up for you, because we're just as sick.

Check out these 5 "Secret Menu" Fast Food Sandwiches & Wraps:

Disclaimer: You may not be able to order these items by name, but if you seek mediocre thrills in life and want to give it a go, don't forget to document it on YouTube for the rest of us.

See also: 5 Fat Food "Secret Menu" Burgers You Probably Shouldn't Try

More »

Geri Maria Harris

Easter is fast approaching and for the good people of the world, that means a focus on traditional activities like spending time with the family and attending church. For heathens like me, it means a new excuse for eating and drinking.

While out running errands, I found myself picking up a bottle of my new favorite bubbly, Domaine Chandon Etoile Rose Sparkling Wine ($30) from Araya.

With these precious items in tow, I went home and, showing a total lack of self-control, consumed the majority of each within an hour.

More »

Though I am a fan of all types of good wine, I tend to shy away from some of the sweeter forms of vino. So while I can appreciate the fine craftsmanship of the 2009 St. Urbans-hof Urban Riesling, I knew I needed to find something savory to offset the sweetness that is common with this varietal.

As I was perusing my shelves, I came across a bag of wasabi peas that I had been using in my salads. Excited by the prospect of turning my dining room into a wine bar complete with proper bar snacks, I put some mellow music on the stereo, emptied the peas into a glass bowl, and poured myself a perfectly chilled glass of white.

The combination was exquisite. The salty, spicy peas were a perfect counter match to the soft, subtly fruit wine. The flavors of the Riesling intensified as I sipped it while crunching away at the piquant green balls of fire. The prominent fuzzy peach and velvety honey flavors blended perfectly with the zesty flavors of the emerald snacks. It was perfect way to pass a spring evening.

---

Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords

When my blood sugar dips low, I will literally reach for the closest food at hand, whatever that may be. I was so hungry the other day, I contemplated the various pros and cons of eating kibble. I consider snacking on Pizzeria Pretzel Flavor Combos to be at least half a step up from dog food, and I'll admit that I ate a whole package the other day. And though the experience wasn't nearly as fulfilling, either spiritually or gastronomically, as I might have hoped, I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of pairing it with wine.

I decided to go with a red variety as I thought this would stand up nicely to the intense artificiality of my snack choice. Then, since I was choosing an "Italian" food, I decided to narrow my wine selection even further to an Italian wine. Enter the Chianti, the iconic Italian wine. I had a bottle of 2007 Frescobaldi Nipozzano Chianti Rufina Riserva ($17) stashed away and could think of no better time to open this lusciously dark fruity vino.

More »

I have a love/ hate relationship with cinnamon buns. I would never consume the prepackaged kinds you get wrapped in cheap plastic at a grocery store, and I'm not even really that big of a cinnamon person in general, but there are moments when I wake up craving a hot cinnamon bun. I barely have had time to do any cooking lately, so I was excited to discover that master baker Chad Fry was serving up some hot buns over at Canopy.

I took one home, and as I warmed it in the oven so that the soft aromas would permeate my kitchen, I popped open a bottle of 2008 Argyle Reserve Pinot Noir. A few years ago, I was fortunate enough to do a progressive tasting of Argyle's Oregon-based Pinot Noirs from 2000-2008, and the experience was one of the best I have had (memories of many more have been lost due to their proximity with said wine, but that's a given). I have been a huge fan of Argyle ever since.

More »

Katharine Shilcutt's piece on strawberries, complete with luscious photos of the ruby-red fruit, instilled a craving for strawberry shortcake into my easily influenced brain. Since I usually pass on dessert during the weekdays, I opted to outsmart myself and make strawberry shortcake for dinner. Ha ha! Loophole!

I baked up some crumbly sweet biscuits, sugared the beautiful garnet berries that were sitting on my counter, whipped up some fresh cream, and even made a thickly sweet lemon syrup to drizzle on top. As I was working on my masterpiece, I decided to find a wine to pair with this little plate of heaven.

More »

Lauren Marmaduke dispelled the urban legend involving pop rocks, death and soda, which got me thinking about a potentially even deadlier combination: pop Rocks and Champagne. Now, I love my inexpensive bubbly wines, but when I'm pairing it with a culinary behemoth like Pop Rocks, I spare no expense. Veuve Clicquot is one of my favorite French sparklers because though it is intensely airy and dry, it still manages to retain some structural integrity. It may be light, but you still know you're drinking wine.

Though I often prefer the opposites attract method of wine pairing, the Pop Rocks mesh well with the Brut because they mirror each other in so many respects. Both are light, yet flavorful. Both give you a fruity dryness that quickly turns into a glittery explosiveness upon impact with your tongue. Besides, it is undeniably fun to inform your friends that you are drinking a $50 bottle of French brut with a $.33 package of retro candy when they call to inquire how you are spending your evening.

More »

Some might say it's a travesty to drink wine with greasy take-out. I say it's genius. Especially when you pair your delightfully fatty and crunchy Long John Silver's fried fish pieces with a nice bottle of something cold and bubbly.

NV Freixenet Cordon Negro Brut Cava ($10) has long been my go to choice when I want something cold, dry, and bubbly at a very inexpensive price. The Spanish brand is widely available, highly recommended by many wine enthusiasts, and surprisingly refreshing.

When I want to pretend I'm drinking something good, but my pocketbook is light, I turn to the Freixenet. Just like when I want to pretend I'm eating a real fish dinner, I turn to Long John Silver's. It's a perfect fit for a meal based in fantasy. Light white fish goes well with a soft white wine. Plus, you want a dry, non-oaky wine, with a high acidity level to help cut through all that grease, and Freixenet fits the bill perfectly.

More »