Food Fight: Battle Masala Dosai

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt

​After last week's Battle Grilled Cheese, we received a gentle prod from one of our readers and favorite local food mavens, Dr. Ricky: "I think there need to be more creative choices for the food battles. Down to grilled cheese sandwiches?"

It was with a heavy sigh and a heavy heart that we admitted to ourselves that Dr. Ricky was right. Food Fight has been taking a turn for the bland (if comforting) lately. We suddenly felt remiss and very disappointed in ourselves for neglecting the vast array of ethnic food that Houston has to offer. So much ethnic food, in fact, that making a Food Fight out of things like pad see ew, roti canai, kibbeh, xiao long bao or even just bouillabaise is relatively easy to do. So we took Dr. Ricky's first suggestion -- masala dosai -- and ran with it.

Dosai is a very typical South Indian dish that can be eaten for breakfast or dinner. Why is it so flexible? Because it's basically a giant pancake. Actually, crepe would be more accurate, as it's very thin and generally stuffed with all manner of delicious fillings. The dosai itself is made from rice and black lentils and -- as a result -- is high in protein and good carbohydrates but low in fat and cholesterol. (We mention this as, for some reason, both restaurants made sure to mention this in the dosai section on their menus.) Although you can shove whatever you want to inside a dosai, the most popular filling is masala, a mixture of potatoes and onions in a mild curry.

Sunday night we set out with Dr. Ricky and a few South Indian food connoisseurs to see who had the best dosai in Houston: Udipi or Madras Pavilion. How did the crepe crumble? The results are below...

Food Fight: Battle Grilled Cheese

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Grilled cheese is one of the ultimate comfort foods, perfect for chilly weather -- especially when served with a bowl of creamy tomato soup. And like most comfort foods -- mashed potatoes, chicken and dumplings, macaroni and cheese, fried chicken -- it's spectacular in its simplest incarnation but can go horribly awry when any attempts are made at jazzing it up.

Technically speaking, a grilled cheese sandwich should consist of two things: bread (preferable buttered) and cheese. Nothing else. Take that buttered bread -- and, let's be honest, you have to use white bread for the total effect -- put it in a hot skillet, toast it on one side, flip it over and add cheese (Velveeta, if you're being truly Texan) to both slices, press those slices together and cook on both sides until cheese is melty. Voila. Honest and endlessly effective comfort food.

Yet despite this, so many restaurants try to spice up the simple sandwich by adding all manner of other ingredients. Is it perhaps because a restaurant feels that it can't serve just cheese and white bread to its customers and charge for it? Or is it because they feel an insatiable need to show off and class up a classic? Prettied up peasant food is all the rage these days, after all.

Whatever their reasoning, sometimes the decision to spice up the grilled cheese sandwich can go very well if executed properly -- and we end up loving the crazy, mixed-up result just as much as the original. Other times it can go very badly. Witness this week's food fight...

Early Bird Battle: Cleburne Cafeteria vs. Luby's

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a meal at Cleburne
Both slow-roasted in history and sneeze-guarded for your protection, Cleburne and Luby's have been dueling for the hearts and blood sugar monitors of the Houston cafeteria crowd for the last 60 years, through changes in ownership and that famous fire. Comparing stories and side dishes feels a lot like an octogenarian argument over who caught the bigger fish, but when you get down to the details there are a few distinctions.

Cleburne's claims all-natural, never frozen, often organic ingredients and offers chicken and dumplings, jumbo lump Crab Imperial and honey-lime chicken breast with rice and mango salsa.

For whatever reason, Luby's macaroni and cheese is still better -- we suppose some things just need to be fake. Cleburne's was a little less creamy and the cheese too floury, dulling the taste and leaving me unsatisfied. Mourning Cleburne's lack of fried okra, I substituted green beans hoping for a hint of bacon -- and was thwarted by the presumably organic yet bland dish.

Food Fight: Battle Tamale

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt

​That special time of year is quickly approaching again, whether we're ready for it or not. That's right: It's almost tamale time!

Tamales at Christmas are a tradition not only in Houston, but in nearly every single area of the world that enjoys tamales. In places like Trinidad -- where tamales are called pastelles -- they're seen almost exclusively at Christmas, in fact. When Eating Our Words was young, the female members of our family would gather at an aunt's house after Thanksgiving and begin the annual tamale-making process to ensure we'd have enough for the entire family at Christmas.

Making tamales is a long and time-consuming, but keenly enjoyable process. There's nothing quite like being covered in lard and pork at the end of the day, hands and back aching, but with a fat batch of perfectly-prepared tamales fresh out of the steamer as a reward for your efforts. Our family made tamales the old-fashioned way: dried corn husks soaked in water, masa prepared from scratch, spoons instead of plastic masa spreaders. We weren't terribly efficient, but damn if the things didn't taste amazing.

And because even with new technologies like pre-mixed masa and pre-cooked pork, making tamales is still a time-consuming process that requires buying ingredients in bulk, it simply doesn't make sense to only make a few at once. And as a result, you'll find the best tamales in town for purchase in stores by the dozen -- not on a plate by themselves with rice and beans -- handmade by the ladies who run the store, incredibly fresh every day. For this week's Food Fight, we pitted two of the finest bulk tamale purveyors in town against each other. Read on for the results.


Food Fight: Battle Po-Boy

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Photo by Erika Ray

We have a friend -- a born-and-raised Cajun who's as passionate about her food as she is about her Motherland itself -- who claims that it's impossible to get an authentic po-boy here in Houston. It has nothing to do with the seafood or the fixings or even the people creating the po-boys, many of them Louisiana transplants like herself. It has everything to do with the bread, she says.

Something about the combination of New Orleans's proximity to the Gulf of Mexico and its precarious location below sea level creates a unique humidity that she claims is essential to baking the perfect loaf of crusty French bread that is the foundation of a proper po-boy. But Houston has a pretty unique brand of humidity all its own. Taken with the availability of fresh seafood and the knowledge of the Louisianans crafting the po-boys, we should manage to come up with at least a passable imitation.

In this week's Food Fight, we pitted two of the city's best po-boy establishments against one another to see who could build the best shrimp po-boy. Witness the results for yourself below.

Food Fight: Battle Mashed Potato

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
After last week's Food Fight, in which fans/minions of Jeannine's Bistro cluttered the comments section with with querulous protestations and propaganda, we've decided to take a brief break from pitting one restaurant against another. And inspired by John Gray's inaugural Shameless Chef entry (which had its own fair share of detractors), this week's Food Fight will see two versions of mashed potatoes battle to the death.

In his entry, Gray advocated the use of store-bought and pre-made mashed potatoes in his [very loose] Shepherd's Pie recipe. We very nearly balked at this, as homemade mashed potatoes are not only one of our favorite things to eat, but also one of the simplest things anyone can make. To that end, we visited our local grocery store and picked up a carton of pre-made mashed potatoes and two Russet potatoes, then headed home to prepare them for battle.

Did the homemade mashed potatoes win over the pre-fabricated carton? The results may surprise you.

Food Fight: Battle Frites

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Photo by Ph0t0s

​French fries, truffle fries and now frites. That's right: a fried potato trifecta is now in play at Eating Our Words. Why the obsession with deep-fried starch around here? As if the question even need be asked... Because fries are delicious, whether you dip them in mayo or ketchup, dust them with truffle salt and cheese or serve them alongside burgers or steaming pots of mussels.

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Photo by Kreestal

​Frites are in a distinct and separate category from regular old French fries. In fact, the Belgian frites are the predecessors of all modern French fries and represent how best to peel, cut and deep-fry a simple potato. Although it's claimed that frites were invented in Belgium as far back as the mid 17th century, the only thing that's known for certain is that the cooking technique originated in the French-speaking region of Belgium -- historically speaking, this region has always been somewhat geographically and culturally muddled -- and was brought to America sometime in the late 18th century. Anecdotal evidence holds that Thomas Jefferson was the first to introduce French fries to America, but anecdotal evidence also used to hold that he didn't father untold scores of illegitimate children.

Anyway, the point is that frites aren't just plain old French fries. In order to be called "frites," they must meet a few very important definitions: They must be made from fresh-cut potatoes (which means they'll naturally be irregularly shaped), must be fried twice and must be very crisp on the outside while remaining pillowy on the inside. For best results, they should also be dipped in fresh mayonnaise. Tradition has frites served in a paper cone similar to the chips in fish-n-chips, but we're lucky to even have Belgian restaurants in Houston, so we'll just let that slide for now.

And speaking of, we have exactly two Belgian restaurants in town as a result of the acrimonious Cafe Montrose split a couple of years ago: Jeannine Bistro and Broken Spoke. This is bad for the married couple that once ran it, and great for Houston diners who appreciate some measure of diversity in their Belgian cuisine. But which of the two offshoot Belgian restaurants had the best frites? Find out below.

Food Fight: Battle Gyro

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt

​To be fair, the gyro is as much American as it is Greek. It was introduced to both Greece and America around the same time in the mid 20th century, based on the Turkish doner kebab (which is what you'd order if you wanted a gyro in Britain, by the by). And although it still retains a certain elusive foreign quality, the gyro is as ubiquitous these days as the taco.

That ubiquitousness can be good and bad. Gyros are a wonderful meal concept -- far more elegant than a sandwich but with all the same elements of meat, bread and vegetables -- and easy to grab and eat on the run. But because they're virtually omnipresent, it's hard to find a really good one. Overly crispy or old-tasting meat, dry pita bread, bland tzatziki sauce -- there are endless ways to ruin a gyro.

So for this week's Food Fight we asked our faithful readers to submit their favorite gyros in Houston for our consideration. Of the many comments we received, the two front-runners were to be found at Cafe Pita + in Westchase and Stelio's in the Galleria area. The third most popular option, Ellie's Kitchen & Catering in Friendswood, sounded intriguing as well and should make for a promising weekend food trip.

Whose gyro reigned supreme? Find out below.

Food Fight: It's All Greek to Us

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This week's food fight was determined by our Twitter followers to be Battle Gyro. And because we don't want them to have all the fun, we're letting our readers decide which two restaurants in Houston will do battle this week.

The easy money is on Niko Niko's, or even Al's Quick Stop as the dark horse. But instead of choosing the obvious choices, we want to make sure there isn't a gyro place out there that you feel has been horribly and undeservedly ignored. Is there a Greek place in Pearland or Memorial that blows 'em all out of the water? We don't particularly want to travel there, but we'll do it for you.

You have until 8 a.m. tomorrow morning to leave your choice for this week's Battle Gyro contestant in the comments section below. And stay tuned tomorrow afternoon as we engage your Greek warriors in battle. Opa!

Food Fight: Battle Mac & Cheese

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
Mac & Cheese at Reef

​It was with a heavy heart that we set out to procure the two macaroni and cheese dishes for this week's Food Fight. As you'll remember, we asked our readers to tell us their favorite macaroni and cheese in hopes that we would discover some heretofore unknown restaurant serving mac & cheese just like our mother makes and fall head-over-heels in love.

Perhaps if we'd gone with Central Texas Style BBQ in Pearland, we'd be happier today. Instead, we went with the two restaurants that received the most write-in votes: Reef and Ouisie's Table. Our hearts were heavy with the knowledge that neither place was going to turn out a down-home dish of mac & cheese, and that both places would be charging far more for the dish than anyone should ever really pay for such comfort food.

It's worth noting that one restaurant received nearly twice as many votes as either Reef (with four) or Ouisie's (with five) did. Beaver's Ice House appeared to be the hands-down favorite of our commenters, and that was no surprise to us: They were coincidentally chosen as our Best of Houston® winner for Best Macaroni and Cheese this year. We already know that stuff is like cheese-covered crack in a bowl. We dream about it. If it were a historic person, it would be Macaroni and Jesus.

So in the spirit of friendly competition, we decided to pit the runners up against one another (despite the extravagant pricetags). Which restaurant's mac was the cheesiest? Find out below the jump.

Food Fight: The Cheesiest

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It's rainy outside today. Dull, gray, wet, slightly cold and with the slightest hint of impending malaise due to an extended forecast of similar conditions for the next week. Could anything perk you up on a day like this? The answer is YES: macaroni and cheese.

But not just any macaroni and cheese. We're talking homemade, with several varieties of cheese, maybe a bechamel sauce in there somewhere, topped with bread crumbs and love. But since most of us don't always have the time (or the talent) to make a giant casserole dish of macaroni and cheese ourselves, that's where restaurants come in.

This week's Food Fight will be Battle Mac 'n' Cheese. But we want you to tell us who you think has the best macaroni and cheese in town (we already have our favorite, which you can read all about in the upcoming Best of Houston® issue). We'll take the top two entries and brave the awful weather outside to test the mac 'n' cheese for ourselves.

Leave your suggestion in the comments section below and stay tuned for the battle results on Thursday afternoon.

Food Fight: Battle Bagel

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
A Hot Bialy at Hot Bagel Shop
Nearly ten years ago, the bagel craze that was sweeping the nation hit Houston. Strip mall after strip mall soon held an Einstein or a Brueger's or one of many smaller independent bagel shops. And the two stalwarts of the old Houston bagel community stood by, bemused.

Hot Bagel Shop in River Oaks and its older sister, New York Coffee Shop & Bagel in Meyerland, have been fixtures in not just the Houston bagel and Houston breakfast scene for years, but just the Houston restaurant scene in general. Hot Bagel Shop has been in its run-down and somewhat seedy location since 1984 (although it's moving -- thankfully -- to a new space within the next month or so), and New York Bagel has been serving breakfasts and bagels since 1975.

A Houston Chronicle article from the business section in 2000 (which, of course, can't be linked to because the Chron's archived articles are famously unavailable online) discussed how other chain bagel shops were completely unable to put a dent in the business of either Hot Bagel Shop or New York Bagel, and for good reason. These two shops are the real deal. Or at least as close to the real deal as you can get in the Bayou City.

Now that the fad has all but passed, these two timeless little shops still turn out the same tasty breakfasts and bagels as always. But which shop reigned supreme in this week's Food Fight?

Food Fight: Battle Truffle Fries

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
That's not salt; that's a whole lotta Parmesan cheese.
This week's Food Fight was an exercise in learning valuable lessons. Lesson No. 1: Always do your due diligence before embarking on a trip to a restaurant that lies halfway across town. Perhaps check to see if that restaurant is actually open. This life skill will serve you well. Lesson No. 2: If you're going to a restaurant for one $8 item, make sure you don't get suckered into spending $114 on various other menu items because they "sound good." Your pocketbook will thank you.

That last lesson is particularly important because this week's Food Fight foodstuff was chosen for a particular reason: truffle fries are an affordable luxury at a time when most people are cutting back on dining out and other pricey expenses. Simple French fries dressed up with truffle oil and shavings of parmesan cheese -- other accoutrements like cracked black pepper or chives can also find their way onto the pile -- become more than just a pile of potatoes, and for only a few dollars more than you'd pay for a box of fries at McDonald's. What's more, they're great for splitting with a friend over a glass of wine after a long day at work.

The idea behind truffle fries is that you're getting a luxury item -- that diamond of the culinary world, truffles, which can sell for upwards of $1,500 a pound for fresh French Perigords -- for only a few bucks. Granted, the truffle oil used on the fries may or may not be synthetic, but that doesn't mean the gloriously pungent aroma and subtle taste isn't still there to be cherished.

This week's competitors were chosen, as you may know, from a hat earlier this week. Of the eight places in town that serve truffle fries, The Tasting Room and The Capital Grille were chosen at random. However, it turns out that The Capital Grille doesn't serve lunch (as we found out today after driving all the way over to the Galleria without checking its hours), so a last-minute substitution was made: Ibiza. Who won? Let's find out...

Food Fight: We Aren't Fox News

That's right. No bias here, folks. After weeks of insinuation that we're somehow prejudiced against Establishment A or in cahoots with Restaurant B, we've decided to record the selection process for the weekly Food Fight for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy the strongly non-biased, highly scientific spectacle for yourself.

If it appears that I'm biased towards The Tasting Room in the video (gasp!), you're misinterpreting that as relief that I don't have to drive all the way to The Woodlands to sample the truffle fries at Tesar's.

Tomorrow afternoon, Battle Truffle Fries commences. Who will win? The Tasting Room or The Capital Grille? Stay tuned to find out.

Food Fight: Battle Cupcake

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
So cute you want to pinch them. Or eat them.
Cupcakes are by their very definition almost too twee to engage in a battle of any kind. But no foodstuff is allowed to stand idly by in culinary wars, and cupcakes have been pressed into service this week in spite of their soft cakey bodies and mushy frosting heads. And as it turns out, there wasn't much of a battle this week at all.

Cupcakes have experienced a renaissance of sorts lately, cropping up at adult birthday parties, wedding showers, forced office merriment in drab breakrooms and even at weddings -- that staunch bastion of the traditional mega-cake. And what's not to love about them? They're tiny, portable, have endless decorating possibilities and easily please a crowd. Your guests don't all love white cake? Serve an assortment of cupcakes -- something for everybody!

Of course, there are a few things that aren't so lovable about cupcakes. There is the inevitable cake wreck that results from trying to cover dozens of cupcakes with way too much frosting. There is the hard outer layer (and adjoining crumbly interior) that can result from overbaking -- easy to do with cupcakes. And then there's the price. Unless you're making them yourself, cupcakes can be ridiculously expensive at bakeries.

To whit: This week's competitors were Dessert Gallery and Sugarbaby's. Both are known for their baked goods. In fact, Sugarbaby's is known exclusively as a purveyor of cupcakes (and maddeningly feminine interiors, but we'll get to that in a bit). An individual cupcake at one of these places will run you upwards of $3. Since most of us don't have a spare $3 to just throw around willy-nilly on delicious yet trifling baked goods, those $3 cupcakes had better taste amazing.

Food Fight: Battle Cheese Enchilada

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
"Cheese enchiladas served in chili con carne -- not thin, meatless chili gravy, or authentic enchilada sauce -- are the hallmark of real Tex-Mex, according to 78-year-old Fort Worth sportswriter and Tex-Mex expert Dan Jenkins," as Robb Walsh stated in his July 2008 feature "Temples of Tex-Mex."

The gooey, cheesy, occasionally meaty cheese enchiladas served in classic Tex-Mex joints were more often than not the first Mexican (used here interchangeably with "Tex-Mex") that most of us ever ate. And to this day, they remain some of the finest -- albeit not the healthiest -- comfort food around. There are few things better for the soul than a scalding hot plate of cheese and tortillas, accompanied by some savory refried beans, rice and tortilla chips with a bowl of refreshingly spicy salsa. But when cheese enchiladas go bad, they go very bad.

To wit: I once took an extended business trip to Rochester, in upstate New York. The locals there were exceedingly proud of their "Tex-Mex" restaurant, Don Pablo's. It vaguely resembled a Cafe Adobe, except for all the snow falling outside. But that's where the Tex-Mex resemblance ended. The food was the singularly most unpalatable thing I've ever attempted to consume (and I've eaten duck tongues and goose feet), the cheese in the enchiladas simultaneously stringy and gritty and as bland as Elmer's glue.

Luckily, Houston is home to more than a few Tex-Mex places which consistently get cheese enchiladas right, and thank God for that. And this week, we decided to not only investigate cheese enchiladas around town, but to pit two unlikely candidates against one another: a restaurant from our 10 Most Overrated Restaurants list and one from our 10 Most Underrated Restaurants list. The results will probably surprise you...

Nutella® vs. Gianduia vs. Kroger Hazelnut Spread

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Photo by J.C. Reid
Nutella, for those who've never tasted it, is the "original creamy, chocolaty hazelnut spread." Popular in Europe (it's made in Italy), Nutella is mainly eaten at breakfast or for dessert by smearing it on bread or a croissant, or folding into a crepe. "Nutella" is a brand name, but like "Kleenex" or "Xerox," it has been "genericized" to refer to any spread made with hazelnuts and cocoa.

Nutella inspires fierce passion in its diehard fans. Brand-name Nutella is indeed creamy, with a consistency and taste of chocolate icing, but not as sweet, and with a nutty aftertaste. I admit to being a fan -- one of my favorite breakfasts is a made-from-scratch, hot-out-of-the-oven croissant slathered with Nutella and washed down with a double espresso.

My first experience with Nutella came during a college summer abroad in Italy. My roommate was a chubby Greek kid named Dimitry. Dimitry would sooth his crippling homesickness by constantly spooning Nutella out of a container he always carried in his bag. Turns out it's a great comfort food. In the ensuing years I've continued to eat Nutella off-and-on, picking up a small jar at the supermarket or, if circumstances warrant, a jumbo container at Costco.

Recently, I received an email newsletter from the Midtown Farmer's Market announcing a new vendor that features homemade, artisanal "Nutella." This past Saturday I decided to stop by and check it out.

Food Fight: Battle Egg Roll

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
Crispy dragon rolls at Dragon Bowl Asian Bistro
Despite the fact that so many of the Chinese dishes we as Americans consume aren't really Chinese -- things like chow mein, General Tso's chicken and chop suey are almost more American than apple pie -- the egg roll has actual roots in Chinese cuisine and, throughout the years, has managed to maintain close similarities to the dish from which it originated.

Egg rolls are most likely native to southern China; no big surprise as the dish -- vegetables and/or meat in a deep-fried wrapper -- is not unlike the chả giò of neighboring Vietnam or the lumpia of Indonesia and the Phillipines. Americans have been happily dipping them into sweet and sour sauce for decades, munching on them as appetizers before their Peking duck arrives or -- as poor college students -- making entire meals out of them and stealing soy sauce packets on the way out the door.

They've become so ubiquitous, in fact, that it's difficult to find a really good egg roll these days. So many egg rolls come to Chinese restaurants frozen and pre-assembled, ready for the fry vat and ready to be mindlessly consumed with the same blank mastication required for that other omnipresent appetizer: chips and salsa. This week's Food Fight looked to find some decent egg rolls for a decent price. Did we succeed? Find out below the jump...

Food Fight: Battle Breakfast Taco

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
Chorizo and egg taco from Brother's Taco House
There are those of us who are naturally early risers. And to those people go such wonderful things as brilliant sunrises, early morning calm, blessedly empty streets and the smell of freshly brewed coffee. And then there are the rest of us, for whom significant motivation is required to crawl out from under the burrow of sheets. And what greater motivation is there than the allure of breakfast tacos?

Breakfast tacos are just one of the many benefits to living in Houston (in case you forgot that there were any). Although they are ubiquitous here, you'll quickly find as you move east or north that you'll be virtually unable to satisfy any cravings you have for flour tortillas filled with eggs and meat, unless you take matters into your own hands.

As a result of its omnipresence, every Houstonian has a favorite breakfast taco place. This week -- to shake things up a bit -- we asked our followers on Twitter to recommend their favorite taco places for us to try. We had lots of votes for Whataburger (hey, Texans love their Whataburger), along with a few more suggestions, which we've pitted in battle for your dining pleasure.

Food Fight: Battle Milkshake

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
The defending champion...the Beck's Prime chocolate milkshake
When putting out the request earlier this week for the best milkshake in town, we were confronted with a curious question from commenter Dr. Ricky: "Forgive me, but what constitutes a milkshake? Versus say a smoothie? Do we count licuados or sinh in this?" An interesting question, for sure, as the term "milkshake" generally denotes a dessert-type beverage made primarily with ice cream.

But research (i.e., Wikipedia) shows that milkshakes weren't always so straightforward, nor were they always made with ice cream. The original milkshake, dating back to 1885, was an alcoholic beverage out of your worst eggnog-induced nightmare made with eggs and whiskey. It wasn't until the early 1900s that milkshakes were made with ice cream. And the traditional, blended, frothy milkshakes that we know today weren't popular until the 1930s, after the invention of the electric blender.

These days, when someone says "milkshake" instead of -- as Dr. Ricky commented -- a smoothie, you know that you're in for a thick, frosty beverage filled with more ice cream than you should probably eat in one sitting and that's not the least bit healthy for you. And when we said "milkshake" on Monday, your top choice for milkshakes in Houston was Beck's Prime by a long shot. The distant second was a tie between Avalon Diner, Pappas Burger, Yale St. Pharmacy, Amy's Ice Cream and 59 Diner. With so many to choose from, it only made sense to choose the place that has a giant neon milkshake as its sign.

Our Milkshake Brings All the Blogs to the Yard

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Photo by cryptdang
Man and milkshake sold separately
We've had many requests over the weeks since we first started our weekly Food Fight feature. Egg rolls, breakfast tacos, donuts, fried calamari (oddly specific, that one)... But the most resounding has been for milkshakes. Whether it's the heat of the summer or the cool comfort found in its sweet, frosty arms, milkshakes seem to be on everyone's mind these days.

But much like Battle Pizza, we want your help on this one. Our hearts are forever betrothed to one milkshake and one milkshake only -- and it's not even a milkshake. It's the creamy, buttery, slightly savory butterscotch malt at 59 Diner. With a love that's been unshakeable for going on 12 years, it's hard to choose another ice cream-based drink without thinking wistfully of our first and only love.

With that in mind, we need your help. Tell us the best milkshake in town and we'll pit the top two choices against one another in this week's Food Fight. And we promise that not once will we compare it to a butterscotch malt. (Well, maybe in our hearts...)

Let the voting begin in the comments section below...

Food Fight: Battle Chicken Fried Steak

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
 
A contentious battle if there ever was one... Chicken fried steak (or CFS, for short) is up there in the great pantheon of Texas foods alongside cheese enchiladas, brisket and chili. But just because a food is inherently Texan doesn't mean you can always find it done well in Houston, and vice versa: Some of the best Mexican food in the world is found right here in the Bayou City. Steve Earle said it best in a recent interview with John Lomax: "Houston was always tough for chicken-frieds."

He elaborated:

The last fucking place you can get a decent chicken fried steak is right over there. There's one little pocket there - Schulenburg, Flatonia and La Grange. That's the last place in Texas you can get a decent chicken-fried-steak. There's nowhere in Austin anymore...Maybe you can at a couple of the steakhouses in the Panhandle, but you have to go to a real steakhouse and they will have a chicken-fried round on the menu. But it's easier to get a good chicken-fried in Oklahoma than it is in Texas nowadays.

Could the hardcore troubador be right? We put two of the best local chicken fried steaks to the test and the results...were troubling.

Food Fight: Battle French Fry

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
Five Guys vs. Jax Grill
Did you know that Monday was National French Fry Day? Yeah, neither did we. We were still distracted by trying unsuccessfully to find poutine for Canada Day (July 1, ya hosers). But take National French Fry Day and combine it with Bastille Day (July 14, mais non), and you have the perfect recipe for the next Food Fight: Battle French Fry.

French fries are a tough food to define, tougher than you may initially think. In the most basic sense, fries are simply cut up sections of a potato, deep fried and (hopefully) salted. But that's only the jumping off point for the many variations of French fries that exist in this world: steak fries, shoestring fries, waffle fries, beer-battered fries, homestyle fries, seasoned fries, fast-food fries...where can one draw the line when pitting two foes in battle? Clearly, they must be evenly matched, which means that you can ultimately choose only one kind of fry -- one race of warrior -- for battle and let the best man win.

For this week's Battle French Fry, the choice was made to pit homestyle fries against one another in combat. Why? Because they're the closest thing to an actual potato that one can get -- plain, hand-cut slices of potato with the skin still on them. All other fries are simply offshoots and variations. With that in mind, we chose our competitors.

Bringing Home the Gold at the Kolache Olympics

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Photos by Jason Tinder
Peppermint bark kolache
The press conference room at Reliant Stadium was filled with a distinct aroma as the judges entered. It wasn't the scent of sweaty Texans players or their coaches' cologne; it was the sweet, doughy smell of kolaches. Plantain kolaches, Hawaiian chicken kolaches, teriyaki steak kolaches, sloppy joe kolaches... Dozens upon dozens of hot kolaches sat in trays, waiting for their moment in the spotlight.

The Kolache Factory held its annual Kolache Olympics yesterday, marking the eighth year that the company has held the contest to promote and develop new recipes for its stores. Each year, store managers and employees are invited to create recipes that will appeal to customers while still being relatively simple to bake each day and -- most importantly -- will fit neatly within the Kolache Factory's signature kolache roll. This was the first year that the recipe contest was open to the public, although most of the entries that made it past the testing stage and to the Olympics were still employee-created recipes. The winning kolaches go on to become the Flavor of the Month at area Kolache Factories and -- if they are popular enough with customers -- could eventually make it onto the full-time menu.

Kolaches were divided into two groups for judging purposes: A "chicken and/or no cheese" category and an "everything else" category. Andrew Eller, retail marketing director for the Kolache Factory, said that this was in response to customer requests for more kolaches with chicken and fewer kolaches with cheese.

Judges included Dana Tyson from the Sunny 99.1 FM morning show, John Harris from 1560 The Game, Jason Tinder, who won a contest on Twitter to become the wild card judge, and me. With almost a dozen kolaches in front of us, we began to eat our way through and determine a winner.

Food Fight: Battle Pizza

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Photos by Katharine Shilcutt
On Tuesday, we asked for your help in deciding who the contenders would be for this week's Food Fight: Battle Pizza. Nearly 150 comments later, the choice was made. It would be an unusual triple battle between Star Pizza (which garnered the most votes from commenters), Pink's Pizza and Romano's (both of which were tied for the second highest amount of votes).

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Many other contenders were mentioned in the comments section, from popular places like Dolce Vita, Russo's, Brother's and Candelari to dark horses like Frank's, Verona and NY Pizzeria. And although it was mentioned in the original post that pepperoni pizzas would be used for judging purposes, many people were appalled that we didn't specify between thin crust New York-style and deep-dish Chicago-style pizza. For that reason, the pizzas we ordered for the Food Fight were plain old, regular crust pizzas -- "Houston" style, if you will. If a regular crust and average Joe pepperoni topping doesn't level the playing field, nothing will, right?

Wrong. The taste testers at the Houston Press office -- who range from born-and-raised Houstonians and Midwesterners to Long Islanders and Jersey Boys -- were all looking for entirely different things in their pizzas, as you'll see below.

Food Fight: We Need Your Help

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Last week, the Houston Press engaged in a little war of words on Twitter and on HAIF about the best pizza in Houston. Apparently, there's a disturbing number of people in Houston who honestly believe (whether because they've never eaten anywhere else -- not even at a Chuck E. Cheese -- or because they're legally insane) that Double Dave's has the best pizza in town.

Look, we're not in College Station, people. There is better pizza out there. Trust us. So for this week's Food Fight, we're pitting two pizza parlors in town against one another. But here's the twist: Because everyone and their uncle's dog has their own favorite pizza place, we're not choosing; we're leaving it up to you.

Leave your favorite pizza place in the comments section below. At the end of the day, we'll tally the results and order pepperoni pizzas from the two places with the most votes to compete in the deadliest game: Food Fight.

Food Fight: Battle Meatloaf

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Ziggy's Healthy Grill vs. Mama's Cafe
When we asked our followers on Twitter which foods they'd like to see featured in the new weekly food fight, at least one response was [oddly] overwhelming: meatloaf. Personally, meatloaf is one of those items -- much like chicken and dumplings or cornbread -- that's best cooked and enjoyed at home. Unless the restaurants themselves are classics, they tend to take classics like meatloaf and screw them up beyond recognition, tweaking a perfectly serviceable dish with unnecessary additions and twists.

At its core, meatloaf is a very basic dish that -- if made correctly to begin with -- doesn't need any fancy sauces or garnishes. It's so basic, in fact, that the only true condiment that belongs on meatloaf aside from the sauce is a dollop or two of ketchup to spread around. This is comfort food at its most fundamental and most unfussy.

All that aside, the people demanded Battle Meatloaf, and Battle Meatloaf they shall receive.

We sampled the meatloaf at two highly-recommended yet disparate restaurants: Mama's Cafe on Westheimer and Ziggy's Healthy Grill on Fairview. Mama's is the epitome of old-school country cooking, all wood-paneled walls and cutesy sayings stenciled on yet more pieces of wood. Ziggy's is the epitome of Montrose, with a giant rainbow flag flying outside and an almost antagonistically healthy menu. Who would win?

H-E-B Introduces My TexasLife

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As local grocery stores continue to fight over their share of your food dollars, H-E-B has started up My TexasLife, a monthly magazine to try to get more customers into its stores. The handsome publications (about 30 pages each and published by none other than Texas Monthly) offer bright food photographs, wholesome families and heads-up on such things as the rubber mulch H-E-B will start selling in the spring (it's made from recycled H-E-B truck tires).

In the May issue, what follows are health and cooking tips, recipes, a quick primer on how to plan a party, the cork vs. cap debate over how wine should be delivered, beauty tips and lots of coupons.

The June edition talks about the outstanding teacher awards H-E-B hands out every year, the power of vitamins, more recipes, more wine, cleaning tools and lots of coupons.

The monthly issues also tell you what items are on sale.   

It's a free publication (and here at the Press we're all in favor of free publications) that customers can pick up in the store. Since just ripping out a few back pages of coupons can save several dollars on a shopping trip, you might want to add it to your arsenal of survival skills while we're in recession mode.

Frozen Fast Food Frenzy

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I, for one, welcome our new McFlurry overlords.
It's hot as balls in Houston. You can do your best to hurry from air-conditioned house to air-conditioned car to air-conditioned movie theater / bar / restaurant / etc., but at some point you're going to be forced to spend more than 30 seconds outside. Just last night, Eating Our Words got stuck at an outside table for three solid hours because our friends are smokers, and of course smokers would cut open your still-beating heart if they thought a cigarette might be inside it, so forcing us to sit outside in the muggy armpit swelter of the city gave them no pause whatsoever. The point is, it's going to happen to you sometime, so Eating Our Words went looking for the best frozen fast-food desserts to help give you some small amount of comfort as you sit there baking your brains.

McFlurry: McDonald's McFlurry can be used almost as a control group. Everyone has had one; everyone knows exactly how they taste. We chose the variety with M&Ms. It was tasty, if unimaginative. McDonald's has always had decent-quality soft-serve ice cream, so when it's combined with M&M and served in big ol' cup, there's not exactly a lot of room for error.

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Photo courtesy of Blondie and Brownie
The oil-based "whipped cream" adds a touch of "whimsy"

Sonic Blast: Eating Our Words was not looking forward to the Sonic Blast, having had one before and come away sorely disappointed. Still, that was a long time ago, and there's been plenty of time to improve, right? Not really, no. We chose the Butterfinger topping - one of our favorites - but to no avail. The ice cream was of very poor quality - watery, with a peculiar chemical aftertaste that made us think of Diet Coke that had been sitting in the garage for too long. The whipped cream topping seemed more substantial than the ice cream itself. Sonic may be good at hamburgers and cherry limeade, but if you want ice cream, you're better off going almost anywhere else. Or even making your own.

Food Fight: Battle Kolache

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Kolache wars: Shipley's Donuts (L) vs. Olde Towne Kolaches (R)
Although primarily Czech in origin, the kolache is as fully Texan a food as chicken-fried steak or mayhaw jelly. First created by Czech and Slovakian settlers in central Texas in the mid-1800s, the original kolache was simply a pastry with fruit fillings like blueberries or apricots. These days, the definition of a kolache has expanded to include what was once called a klobasnek, or a sausage-filled pastry. And both kinds of kolache have taken a firm foothold in Texas cuisine.

Nearly every small town with any Czech influence at all claims to have the best kolaches in the state, from West to Weimer. The warm pastries (whether sausage or fruit-filled) grace the breakfast tables and breakrooms of homes and offices the state over, and we all have our own personal favorite kolache shops.

This week's Food Fight pits sausage-and-cheese kolaches from two very different contenders: Shipley's Donuts, the corporate giant of the kolache and donut world, and Olde Towne Kolaches, a small, three-location outfit popular on the west side of town. The results might surprise you.

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