JerryBuilt's Outlaw Burger Will Make You Go "Yee-Hah!"

Photo courtesy of Laura Littlejohn
The Outlaw Burger

Touted by Houstonia's Gastronaut blog as one "alternative barbeque fix" for rodeo season, the new "Outlaw" burger at JerryBuilt Homegrown Burgers may not satisfy the most fastidious connoisseurs of grilled meats. But extreme food snobs are jackasses and who wants to eat barbecue with them, anyway?

Burger enthusiasts as well as anyone who appreciates creative combinations of spice and textures have gotta try JerryBuilt's Outlaw burger at least once if not twice while it's on offer as a seasonal special. And if you find yourself craving it a third time, God help you: You're in love with a rebel.

A thick beef patty, a generous helping of tender sweetish pulled pork, ghost pepper cheese, barbecue sauce and heavily battered bacon are stacked in between two halves of a buttery egg bun as to form a veritable tower of heated (both in spice and temperature) proteins that alternately tickle your belly and terrorize your tongue (in a good way). It's messy, uncivilized and delicious.

In other words, The Outlaw, as a emotionally complicated burger that flouts "decency" and therefore puts it outside the protection of society, is aptly titled. If you want a burger that follows the rules, however, go for the tamer albeit very good "Jerry's Burger" with grilled onions, Ernie's sauce and American cheese.

One final note: If you're inclined to eat quickly, check yourself before you wreck yourself with The Outlaw. This burger is not to be gobbled. The Outlaw, while far from a fussy confection, is far too internally complex to be consumed so indelicately.

Burger Shot: House of Pies' Texas Cheeseburger

Photo by Brooke Viggiano
Do yourself a favor and get reacquainted with House of Pies' burgers.
Get your burger with a side of nostalgia at the 24-hour Houston classic diner, House of Pies, 3112 Kirby.

Here we have the monster-size Texas Cheeseburger ($9.95).

But be warned: Whether you're going for a mid-afternoon lunch or a late-night snack, you'll likely need a long nap after devouring this beefy, overloaded grease bomb. And we say grease bomb in the nicest possible way...

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Eat This: Wendy's Bacon and Blue on Brioche Burger

Photo by Joanna O'Leary
Looks almost like the picture. Note large chunk of errant blue cheese.

Or, "the B^4," you might call it in front of certain audiences who would condemn you automatically for enjoying a fast-food burger.

Unlike in the case of calzones, there is no dearth of good burgers in Houston. Listicles from various outlets suggest you could eat a different burger from various non-national chain establishments every day for a month and have a great experience each time (#spring project?).

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Try These 5 Awesomely Outrageous Burgers in Houston

Categories: Burger Break

Photo by Troy Fields
We don't care what the haters say: fried eggs belong on burgers.
It's no surprise that we love us some burgers at Eating...Our Words. And while, sure, we could go talk about classic cheeseburgers -- what's the fun in that? Here are 5 Massively Outrageous Burgers to try:

See also:
Try These Five Monster Sandwiches
Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Pizzas
Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Fries
Try These 5 Chili-Smothered Dishes

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First Look at eT Craft Burgers & Beer in Northwest Houston

Photos by Molly Dunn
Customize your own burger at eT Craft Burgers & Beer in Northwest Houston.
Fans of the mini double-patty burgers from eT Premium Grill in the tunnels below the JP Morgan Chase tower now have a larger location to frequent in Northwest Houston. eT Craft Burgers & Beer opened in Cypress on September 25 and features a much larger space than the restaurant downtown. It's a welcome addition to this expanding shopping center.

Right off the bat you will notice that the newest location has a different name than the original tunnel restaurant (eT Craft Burgers & Beer instead of eT Premium Grill) and that's because the 3,040-square foot establishment not only serves up juicy double-patty burgers with specialty fries, but it's also got a stellar lineup of local craft beers. Folks can fill up a growler to take home (eT Growler glass bottles cost $6 and each fill costs $16). Choices range from 8th Wonder Alternate Universe, Karbach Hopadillo, Buffalo Bayou 1836 Copper Ale and Saint Arnold Santo (as well as the brewery's root beer!), giving Cypress residents an excellent choice of local craft brews that they might not otherwise get at other restaurants in the area.

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Five Burger and Local Craft Beer Pairings for Labor Day

Photo by Carla Soriano
Which No Label brew did we choose to pair with a turkey burger?
Most of us will spend our Labor Day outside by the pool (weather permitting) and will likely use the grill to make our lunch or dinner. Barbecue ribs and steaks are great Labor Day meals, but so are burgers. And what goes best with burgers? Well, fries, of course, but the other major accompaniment is beer.

When pairing burgers with beer, it's more than just matching the type of meat to the brew; you also have to consider the other components. We're talking about the cheese, sauce, bread and condiments.

Local grocery stores have a wide assortment of local craft beers, so you don't have to visit a restaurant or bar in the city to sip on one of those fine selections. Check out these five burger and local craft beer pairings to enjoy this holiday.

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Filling the Gaps: Lankford Grocery

Nicholas L. Hall
A burger with gravitas.
I've lived in Houston for 22 years. It took me 16 of those to visit the Rothko Chapel for the first time. I didn't eat at Ninfa's on Navigation until I'd counted myself a Houstonian for nearly a decade. I still haven't eaten at Frenchy's. The list of glaring omissions goes on and on. Before you boot me from the city for civic negligence, or at least refuse to continue allowing me to write about Houston food, let me assure you that 2014 is the year I start fixing this problem. I'm making a list of places. Places I should have been by now. Places even I can't believe I haven't visited. This is the year I get (re)acquainted with my city. Maybe you'll find a few from your own list in these posts. I encourage you to follow suit.

So it's not strictly true to say that I hadn't been to Lankford Grocery. It is, however, true to say that my single previous actual visit had missed the point somewhat entirely. If you want to get technical though, I've gone at least three times. The first, I didn't bring cash, and left burgerless and dejected. The second, I showed up too early for burgers and had to assuage myself with (a pretty solid) breakfast. Third time's the charm, as it were.

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Seasonal Special at JerryBuilt Homegrown Burgers

Photo by Joanna O'Leary
Seasonal Saint Arnold Burger. Why not make it a double?
If children were allowed legal access to cars and could drive themselves to dinner, JerryBuilt Homegrown Burgers would be the most profitable restaurant in town. The combination of cheeseburgers, ice cream, cookies, a wall-length chalkboard ready for doodlin', and a Coke Freestyle Machine pretty much make this place heaven for kids...and young-at-heart adults eager to binge on beef and strawberry-flavored Sprite.

With two locations (West University, The Woodlands), JerryBuilt is easily accessible to families with a fair amount of disposable income, which is why they can charge $9-10 for a single-patty sandwich and include sides such as truffle macaroni and cheese alongside more traditional options like crinkle-cut fries without most people batting an eye.

Is the elevated pricetage worth it? You betcha, as these burgers are far better than Whataburger to say the least. The foodstuffs (grass-fed beef, organic produce, Three Brothers rolls, etc.) are fresh, minimally processed, and locally sourced, which makes even the plain cheeseburger, classic "greasy" fare, taste lighter and maybe even healthful? More reasons why, perhaps, so many parents seem comfortable taking their kids there and even letting them round out dinner with a house-baked chocolate chunk or cow-shaped cookie.

This story continues on the next page.

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Consumer Reports Names the Best and Worst Fast-Food Restaurants in America, and the Results are Surprising

Is this the best fast food burger in the country? Voters seem to think so...
Last week we published an article about good, old-fashioned, roadside-style Texas burgers, and in this story, we might have insinuated that there are a lot of crappy fast-food burgers out there. One commenter called us out on it, writing: "I would also argue that McDonald's does not serve a poor excuse for a cheap burger. They serve the gold standard for cheap burgers. The McDouble is a good burger, especially for $1.19."

Well, friend, I'm sorry, but the latest study by Consumer Reports begs to differ.

The online shopping resource conducted a study in which they asked readers to rank fast food meals on a scale of one to ten (ten being the best thing they've ever eaten). According to the report, readers ate "53,745 burger chains' burgers, chicken chains' fried or roasted chicken, Mexican chains' burritos, and sandwich chains' sub -- or heroes, hoagies, grinders, or wedges, depending on where you call home."

In the burger category, McDonalds came in dead last, and not by a narrow margin.

More surprising, though, is the burger category's winner...

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An Ode to the Classic Texas-Style Roadside Burger

Categories: Burger Break

Photo by Kaitlin Steinberg
Champ Burger: Unchanged since 1963.
"How's your dad?" asks a man stepping in front of the line to pick up a burger from the window. He called ahead; clearly he knows how this works. He's talking to the owner of Champ Burger, whose father used to be behind the window before he got too old and had to let his son take over.

When the man notices me looking at him, he addresses me: "I've been coming here for 25 years. These are great burgers, good people. You want a burger, you've come to the right place."

Of course, the 25 years that he's been visiting Champ Burger is only half of the hole-in-the-wall burger joint's life. It's been open since 1963, serving thin but sprawling, greasy patties on toasted buns with a sprinkle of shredded iceberg lettuce, chopped onions, pickles and a few slices of tomato. There's a smear of mayo on one bun and mustard on the other. If you want ketchup, cheese or anything else, you have to ask for it.

This is the Texas-style burger, the kind you used to get a drive-thrus and roadside stands before fast food empires took over the landscape, serving poor excuses for cheap burgers that eventually created backlash and led to the gourmet burger. In many cities, those are the only options available: Chain restaurant fast food burgers and gourmet monstrosities. Nostalgic burgers like the one at Champ Burger are hard to come by.

Not here in Houston, though, where we remain loyal to the modest burger joints that have been serving us for generations.

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