Image by James Vaughn

Imagine how orgasmically happy these broads would be if they knew they could also use those dishwashers for cooking.

I hadn't regularly been watching Worst Cooks in America for fear I might see too much of myself in some of the contestants. When I did happen to catch one episode, I actually encountered a cooking technique that even I, in all my lazy unprofessionalism creative glory, had never heard of let alone attempted.

Dishwasher Fish! The seemingly feckless fellow proposed cooking salmon wrapped in tin foil by running it through one dishwasher cycle. "That's crazy!" I said out loud. No, that's awesome, I said in my head. This man is the culinary MacGyver.

Well, an hour of Internet research later, I realized I was perhaps giving this enterprising gentleman a bit too much credit as it seems cooking with your dishwasher is indeed practiced by a significant minority of Americans.

More »

How does an evening of Caribbean food, music, and cocktails sound? Today's Houston Press Voice Daily Deal is good for half-off your choice of passes for the Third Annual Caribbean RumFest, August 16-17, 2013:

• $30 for $60 off of general admission passes (four rum sample tickets per day, souvenir shot glass)
• $100 for $200 on VIP passes (unlimited rum samples, entrance to all VIP areas, complimentary parking/shuttle services, select complimentary RumFest activities, souvenir shot glass, festival guide, entry to RumFest after-party and VIP section)
• $15 for $30 on Designated Driver admission (no alcohol, souvenir t-shirt)

Held at the House of Dereon Media Center in Midtown, the Caribbean RumFest celebrates, promotes, showcases, and educates the community on the history and culture of the Caribbean.

You must be 21 or older and present a valid ID to enter the festival, and the purchaser of the tickets must be present to redeem admission. See deal for festival admission hours.

More »

katieharbath

Making this rose cake is not as hard as it seems.

One of the most challenging things to make in the kitchen is a cake. It seems quite simple at first. All you have to do is mix the ingredients together, pop it in the oven, then cover it with frosting. Maybe add a little bit of sprinkles or icing, and voilà, you have a cake.

However, as many of us know, there are a hundred things that could go wrong while you're baking and decorating. Just one problem and your cake is toast. For those of you who want to make that perfectly baked triple-layer cake with a beautiful rosette frosting finish, this cake-decorating series is for you.

I am not a professional baker, nor do I claim to know everything about baking cakes, but as a home cook, I have learned a lot about baking, frosting and decorating cakes over the last several years, mainly from my mother. Most of my knowledge about baking has come from trial and error, and from reading recipes and books about the science of baking.

Throughout this series, I will work my way from the beginning steps in making and decorating cakes to the more difficult skills and practices of decorating them.

To kick off this series, you have to start with the base to all beautifully designed cakes, the cake itself. Anyone who has attempted to decorate a cake knows that if your foundation is not sturdy, then your masterpiece will crumble.

More »

Photo by Joanna O'Leary

Lucerne Hot Haberno Cheese.

What goes great with hot weather? Hot cheeses! Well, perhaps not "hot" in terms of temperature since the idea of eating a huge vat of fondue in June would make anyone nauseated. "Hot" in terms of "spicy," "fiery," caliente--a cheese that will give me the kick in the pants I need to do three loads of laundry on a sweltering Saturday afternoon, a cheese that will make me sweat through my third outfit of the day, a cheese that my lazy ass self can find the local supermarket. Here are five options:

5. Alouette Sweet & Spicy Pepper Medley. The mildest "hot" cheese on this list, Alouette Sweet & Spicy Pepper Medley is the perfect cheese to tickle your tongue and add that extra oomph to a cracker. I also recommend spreading it on slice of green pepper or salted peaches for additional sweet-savory contrast.

4. Helluva Good BOLD Chipotle Cheddar. Helluva Good has an entire new line of "bold" cheeses that promise "real flavor." (Am I to infer then, Helluva Good's other cheeses have fake flavor?) Anyway, the chipotle cheddar, which combines the sharp bite of a significantly aged cheese with notes of smoky pepper, is great for souping up those nachos or as snack pairing for an anejo tequila on the rocks.

More »

Photo by Jessica Ta

Are these beverages or beauty products?

This post is not about eating and drinking in the bathroom. There is no shame is sipping a glass of wine during a luxurious bubble bath or taking advantage of a mounted television a swanky hotel's powder room to snack on some cheetos while watching Deadliest Catch and tweaking your eyeliner. What does trouble me, however, is the idea of chowing down on my facial cleanser, chugging my shampoo, or taking of quick slug of my body wash. Perhaps not as spiritually disturbing as eating children, but potentially more hazardous to my own health?

In the past, I imagine, the only people who were tempted to eat personal care products were 1) legitimately starving and 2) suffering from bizarre eating disorders such as pica. Thank God, I am neither. Yet each time I stroll through the health & beauty aisle of CVS, my stomach rumbles. Window-shopping at Bath & Body Work's makes me want to embark on a full-on dessert binge. And sometimes, after sampling some lotion at a department store, my first thought is: "This might be good on toast."

What the hell is wrong with me? Well, lots of things, but in this case, I'm pointing the finger elsewhere and asking, "Why must so many personal care products be modeled after foods?"

More »

Photos by Christina Uticone

Pasta & soup--classic summer fare!

Hot weather does not stimulate my appetite. The other day I was hungry, and driving around aimlessly, but nothing appealed to me. I passed restaurant after restaurant, in strip mall after strip mall, and nothing piqued my interest. Burgers? Too heavy. Chinese? Not in the mood. Grocery store? Too much assembly required. I had just about resigned myself to going home and eating a bowl of cereal when I caught the sign for Panera out of the corner of my eye. I loved the idea of a fresh, crisp salad, so I decided to go for it.

But you know what they say about best laid plans!

More »

Photo from thecandyfan.com

If Mr. T knew what I knew, he'd eat his Snickers frozen.

The heat has managed to squelch my appetite, yet I still hunger for chocolate. Go figure. Usually, I would bake up a batch of brownies to satisfy my craving, but lately I can't bear to turn on the oven. A candy bar is an easy, cheap and even cooling way to appease my sweet tooth, especially if I stick it in the freezer first. Here are five candy "bars" I actually prefer to eat frozen.

5. Snickers. At room temperature, Snickers definitely satisfy, but the individual components tend to blend together into one uniform sugary taste. A few degrees cooler, the nuts are crunchier and saltier, the chocolate sharper in cocoa flavor, and the caramel more buttery than syrupy.

Photo from wikipedia commons

Always better chilled

4. Peanut Butter Cups. Some may argue that cold temperatures mute the nutty flavor of peanut butter cups. A reasonable concern; however, the overall improvement in texture, I believe, trumps the slight change in taste. When eating a frozen PB cup, you appreciate more the hard ridges of the perimeter, the supple chocolate surfaces and the gritty nut interior. Almost makes you slow down to enjoy the experience.

More »

axi11a

Don't worry, Houston, the Dunkin' Donuts at S. Shepherd is still coming.

If anyone has driven by the future location of Dunkin' Donuts at Shepherd and Fairview, he or she may be wondering where the "Coming Soon" sign has gone. No, Dunkin Donuts hasn't changed its mind about setting up shop in what is destined to become the most centrally located Dunkin' in Houston.

More »

Chuck Cook Photography

Goodbye, little piggy.

Click to view the full, final menu from Feast.

Feast's friends and fans packed the little house at 219 Westheimer for a final taste of hearty delights such as fish and scallop pie and coq au vin. The sold-out final night was a fitting end for a place that convinced Houstonians that offal was not awful. Indeed, under the skilled hands of chefs James Silk and Richard Knight, it was often delightful.

When Feast opened five years ago, the Houston dining landscape was very different from today. Few casual diners knew what "bycatch" was and the idea of being able to order meals made with humanely-sourced meats was practically a pipe dream. The idea of using as much as possible from a whole animal seemed like a good notion, but how did that work in practice?

As Feast taught us, it worked deliciously. British food could be interesting and eye opening. We learned that pig's ear cake was similar to a savory bread pudding imbued with cracklins and brought alive with the tang of mustard.

More »

Photo by Joanna O'Leary

Skeeter's Buffalo Burger with bleu cheese, pesto mayonnaise, grilled onions, lettuce, tomato

Last time I attempted to go to Skeeter's Mesquite Grill for a burger I was sidelined by a case of food poisoning. History did not repeat itself, thank goodness, and a few weeks later I was able to try their new Anniversary Burger.

What made me most recently return to Skeeter's was the opportunity to catch up with an old friend and, I have to admit, a craving for their $3 frozen margarita, which, btw, is most definitely not made with white wine. (Trust me, only real tequila could make me that happy.) I would have gladly gotten another Anniversary Burger, but in the spirit of trying other non-bovine meats, I ordered instead one of two new menu items, the buffalo burger ($9.95). To cover our bases, my friend sampled the other new item, the lean ground turkey burger ($8.95). And since sharing is caring, we split each in half so we could try both.

More »