The Worst Restaurant Names in Houston

Categories: Off the Wall

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Photo by Troy Fields
Who is the mysterious Mr. Peeples?
Nonsense Names
We'd like to think that a restaurant name tells you something about the food. The name Mr. Peeples tells you absolutely nothing, except that maybe someone can't spell. Similarly, we're pretty sure 60 Degrees Mastercrafted is so named just to confuse people. I've heard that the name has something to do with cooking steak, but it's not explained anywhere on the website. Also, even the restaurant itself seems to think the name is too long. The folks involved alternate between calling it "60 Degrees," "60 DMC" "60 Mastercrafted" and just "Mastercrafted" on the Facebook page. For the love of food, pick one.

Utentsil Names
In the same vein as TABLE, we have the culinary-inspired Dish Society. The goal of Dish Society is to serve fast casual farm-to-table cuisine. It is not, in fact, a cult of ceramicists. Then we have Brick & Spoon. One is something you build a house with. The other you use to eat soup. The building does not appear to be composed of bricks, and there is only one soup on the menu. Fish & the Knife does have a lot of fish on the menu, but we're a little confused by the use of only one article in the name. Why not THE Fish & the Knife? Or just Fish & Knife? Actually, could we stop putting ampersands in the names of restaurants altogether?

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Photo by Troy Fields
Look what you guys started!
Overuse of Ampersands
It seems like once The Pass & Provisions (excusable because it's two restaurants) opened, everyone started jumping on the trend of choosing a restaurant name based on the formula Noun + & + Noun (possibly with an article thrown in for good measure). There's the newly opened Lillo & Ella, which, like some of the other names listed, could be any sort of business based on all the information the name provides. The owner, Kevin Naderi, explained that Lillo was the nickname of the previous owner of the space and Ella is the street where the restaurant is located. Still, are we the only ones who keep calling it Lilo & Stitch? And then there's the soon-to-open Hugs & Donuts, which the co-owner, Jason Hill, has admitted is a dumb name. He told CultureMap, "We're known for terrible names."

Overly Obvious Names
Local Foods makes a great effort to serve--you guessed it--local foods. There's nothing too terribly wrong with the obvious name, but the owners could have been a little more creative, no? The new bar Beer Market Co. is both a market and a company, and the place serves beer. When you can't decide exactly what you want to be, might as well encompass everything.

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Photo by Stephanie Meza
That's a big red cock if ever I saw one.
Questionable Acronyms
I didn't know this until recently, but apparently the BRC in BRC Gastropub stands for "Big Red Cock." The name is, of course, in reference to the rooster outside, but there is no way I am ever going to see that acronym again and think of fowl. Federal American Grill seems harmless enough (if a bit patriotic) until you note that the abbreviation is FAG. No longer just a bundle of sticks, it's now a fairly offensive term. This last one might have been intentional, though we can't for the life of us figure out why. Bradley's Fine Diner goes by BFD. Big Fucking Deal.

Inappropriate Names
We acknowledge that foreign names can often mean one thing in one language and something very different in English, like Pho King, which the owners probably chose to designate it as the best pho in town. Unfortunately, try though we might not to giggle, we can't help it. Especially when we see names like Galway Hooker, the recently re-branded (yes, that name is new) soccer bar on Washington. Galway, is, of course, a city in Ireland, while Hooker is a position in rugby league football. Dumb Texans don't know that, though. Hooker means something very different in this neck of the woods. As, unfortunately, does Hung Dong Meat Market, a small chain of supermarkets throughout Houston. The name on the outside actually reads "Hung Dong Supermarket," but when you Google it, you get results for Hung Dong Meat Market. Either someone with Google Maps has a strange sense of humor, or that is a really, really unfortunate name.

Again, we'd just like to point out that this is all in good fun, and poor name choices do not reflect at all the quality of the restaurant. And look at our name: Houston Press. You'd think a place full of writers could have come up with something more creative than that.

Location Info

Table

1800 Post Oak Blvd., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Mr. Peeples Seafood & Steak

1911 Bagby St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

60 Degrees Mastercrafted

2300 Westheimer Road, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Dish Society

5740 San Felipe, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Brick & Spoon

1312 W. Alabama St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Fish & The Knife

7801 Westheimer Rd., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

The Pass

807 Taft St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Provisions

807 Taft, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Lillo & Ella

2307 Ella Boulevard, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Hugs & Doughnuts

1901 N Shepherd Dr., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Local Foods

2555 Kirby, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Beer Market Co.

920 Studemont St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

BRC Gastropub

519 Shepherd, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Federal American Grill

510 Shepherd Drive, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Bradley's Fine Diner

191 Heights Boulevard, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

My Voice Nation Help
20 comments
James Inglish
James Inglish

The Burning Pear sounds like a vanarial disease haha

Jacob Bocanegra
Jacob Bocanegra

there's a restaurant on edgebrook run by a former cat burgular that sells korean cat dIshes. its called Pussy's

babychef42087
babychef42087

Hey, what about Myung Dong Korean restaurant? LOL

gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

It's a good thing "chewy balls" closed in Klein.. Mind you it was a bubble tea place, ha..

Houstess
Houstess

A Galway Hooker is a boat unique to the Galway area.  It is also the name of an Irish beer.  How hard did you have to strain to come up with the notion that the Federal American Grill is named in a fashion to offend?  SMH

Suzanne Schultz
Suzanne Schultz

John Varkey bet you cant guess where i want to go shopping lol

Anse
Anse

The twelve-year-old inside me can't help but laugh at the Hung Dong supermarket on 249...

Chalfont
Chalfont

@Houstess

Did you know that some fonts are not only offensive, but also racist?

So beware when naming your restaurant, and choosing your fonts!

KaitlinS
KaitlinS topcommenter

@Houstess Federal American Grill is one of the spots that came up when I was at a dinner with a group of food media people. Apparently a number of people find the name odd. Not intentionally offensive, just not very well thought out.

Houstess
Houstess

@KaitlinS @Houstess "This last one might have been intentional, though we can't for the life of us figure out why."

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