The Worst Restaurant Names in Houston

Categories: Off the Wall

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Photo courtesy Crapitto's
Aw, we still love (and miss) you, Crapitto's!
With Pho King, Pho Kim and Crapitto's closed, what restaurants are there left in Houston to ridicule?

Plenty, it turns out.

The conversation at a recent media dinner turned to bad restaurant names when we started discussing the current contender for worst moniker: TABLE. Only a few of us had been and reported the food to be pretty good, but...that name. We pictured the chefs, owners and marketing team sitting in the restaurant hurriedly trying to come up with a designation to replace Philippe now that Philippe Schmidt was no longer a part of the restaurant.

Then, we imagine, one of them looked down at the platform around which they were seated.

"Knife? No, that sounds violent. Napkin? No, too close to the Britishism for diaper. I've got it! TABLE. But in all caps. It looks fancier that way. It tells diners nothing about the food or concept, but it lets them know that this is definitely a restaurant. Or a furniture store. Whatever, let's just call the damn thing TABLE."

OK, so there was probably a little more thought in it than that. And just to be clear, the fact that we think the name is, well, dumb, does not reflect in any way our opinions of the food or the restaurant itself. That's true of all the restaurants on this list. They try hard and are quality establishments.

But damn, some of these names are bad.

This story continues on the next page.


Location Info

Table

1800 Post Oak Blvd., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Mr. Peeples Seafood & Steak

1911 Bagby St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

60 Degrees Mastercrafted

2300 Westheimer Road, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Dish Society

5740 San Felipe, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Brick & Spoon

1312 W. Alabama St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Fish & The Knife

7801 Westheimer Rd., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

The Pass

807 Taft St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Provisions

807 Taft, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Lillo & Ella

2307 Ella Boulevard, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Hugs & Doughnuts

1901 N Shepherd Dr., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Local Foods

2555 Kirby, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Beer Market Co.

920 Studemont St., Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

BRC Gastropub

519 Shepherd, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Federal American Grill

510 Shepherd Drive, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

Bradley's Fine Diner

191 Heights Boulevard, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

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20 comments
James Inglish
James Inglish

The Burning Pear sounds like a vanarial disease haha

Jacob Bocanegra
Jacob Bocanegra

there's a restaurant on edgebrook run by a former cat burgular that sells korean cat dIshes. its called Pussy's

babychef42087
babychef42087

Hey, what about Myung Dong Korean restaurant? LOL

gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

It's a good thing "chewy balls" closed in Klein.. Mind you it was a bubble tea place, ha..

Houstess
Houstess

A Galway Hooker is a boat unique to the Galway area.  It is also the name of an Irish beer.  How hard did you have to strain to come up with the notion that the Federal American Grill is named in a fashion to offend?  SMH

Suzanne Schultz
Suzanne Schultz

John Varkey bet you cant guess where i want to go shopping lol

Anse
Anse

The twelve-year-old inside me can't help but laugh at the Hung Dong supermarket on 249...

Chalfont
Chalfont

@Houstess

Did you know that some fonts are not only offensive, but also racist?

So beware when naming your restaurant, and choosing your fonts!

KaitlinS
KaitlinS topcommenter

@Houstess Federal American Grill is one of the spots that came up when I was at a dinner with a group of food media people. Apparently a number of people find the name odd. Not intentionally offensive, just not very well thought out.

Houstess
Houstess

@KaitlinS @Houstess "This last one might have been intentional, though we can't for the life of us figure out why."

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