Taco Bell Unleashes Chocolate Taco Dessert Kit on Unwitting Masses

Photos by Kaitlin Steinberg
Why, Taco Bell, whyyyyyyy?!
When you Google "dessert taco," all sorts of interesting and visually appealing images pop up. There are the cinnamon sugar-coated fried flour tortilla versions stuffed with fresh fruit. There are ones designed to look like savory tacos, but which are actually made of sugar cookies, shredded coconut and crushed cookies. There are the old standby Choco Tacos made by Klondike, for which, admittedly, I have a weakness. (Also, they're available in stores all over Houston. I checked.)

And then there are Taco Bell's new abominations.

Last month, Taco Bell released a few new kits, including the Cheesy Double Decker Taco Dinner Kit, the Crunchy and Soft Taco Dinner Kit, the Soft Taco Dinner Kit, and, most unsettling, the Cinnamon Nachos Dessert Kit and the Chocolate Taco Dessert Kit.

I want to talk to you about the Chocolate Taco Dessert Kit. And I want you to understand the sacrifices I make for you, dear readers, when I taste-test products such as these. This, right here, this is love.

But ... it doesn't really look like the photo on the box ...
The box for said kit shows a Choco Taco-esque creation featuring what appears to be a hard chocolate-corn tortilla shell stuffed with vanilla ice cream, drizzled with chocolate sauce, topped with whipped cream and decorated with rainbow sprinkles, 'cause why not? It doesn't look that bad.

Now, because this kit is sold in the taco shell aisle, not the dessert or frozen foods aisle, I realized quickly that it didn't actually come with ice cream or whipped cream. It also states that on the box in fairly small print. So I left Walmart with two boxes of Taco Bell Chocolate Taco Dessert Kits (they were on sale), a quart of ice cream, a can of whipped cream and a bottle of TUMS.

Unlike other reviewers of the chocolate taco, I found all six of my shells to be intact (no need for chocolate nachos, thank goodness). I broke one anyway so I could taste it. Then I made this face: ಠ_ಠ

I don't think that's supposed to happen.
You see, the reason Choco Tacos work is they use a taco shell that's more like a waffle cone than a taco, and it's soggy flexible enough to mold to the ice cream, preventing, to a degree, ice cream spillage. The Taco Bell Dessert Tacos are not like this. They seem to be slightly sweetened hard corn taco shells with a hint of cocoa and something else that turns them a dark chocolatey color. They hardly taste like chocolate. Mainly they taste like crappy corn tortillas. In my experience, corn tortillas do not pair well with ice cream. I soldiered on.

I can't tell if it was because the ice cream was too hard, the shells were too brittle or I have the dexterity of a gorilla with chopsticks, but I had a hell of a time spooning ice cream into the taco shell as suggested on the box. I found a teaspoon to be a tad too large, and when I tried to cram the ice cream in to make it look like the photo on the box, the shell broke.

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FattyFatBastard topcommenter

I'm amazed this didn't make your "top 100" things in Houston list.

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