Hormel REV Wraps Will Make You a Football Star or Something

Categories: Fast Times

Last week I was sitting on my couch reading, while my husband was watching television. I wasn't really listening to whatever show was on, until a commercial tugged at the corner of my attention span, distracting me from the adventures of Bruno, Chief of Police. (Best mysteries ever, with lots of French cooking sprinkled into the stories. J'adore!)

The commercial--you can watch it above--was for Hormel REV Wraps, a new power-packed snack that, apparently, has enough protein to satiate your hunger and help high school boys kick 68-yard field goals.

How could I resist?

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Photos by Christina Uticone
Could I be more OCD, buying them & eating them in numerical order?
REV wraps come in eight flavors, like "Pepperoni Pizza" and "Peppered Turkey." Someone in the flavor department has a thing for Italians and pizza, because of the eight wraps offered three have the word "Italian" in the name and two more include the word "pizza." All of the wraps are also numbered, so don't worry if you can't remember the difference between "Italian Style" and "Spicy Italian Style," you just need to remember their numbers (#7 or #8).

I picked up numbers one through three--Pepperoni Pizza, Ham and Cheese, and Peppered Turkey--and gave them each a try over the course of the weekend. I can't say they powered up my workouts any better than my usual toast + peanut butter + fruit, but then I didn't try to kick any field goals, either.

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#1 Pepperoni Pizza

When you think of "Hormel" and "pepperoni" what comes to mind? Because nothing good comes to mine, and this REV wrap did nothing to change my mind. The package claims to contain pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, and parmesan cheese in a soft white wrap, but I only had one piece of very hard cheese, and if I were hard pressed to guess I would have said provolone. The cheese was very dry, the pepperoni was very bland, and the soft white wrap was very (unpleasantly) wet.

Verdict: Ew.

Nutrition Info: 300 calories, 20 g fat, 990 mg sodium, 14 g carb, 1 g fiber, 16 g protein

#2 Ham & Cheese

Things got a little better with the ham and cheese wrap, but only marginally. The wrap wasn't damp, so I guess that counts as a win. Again the cheese was almost entirely flavorless, and very hard and dry. The ham tasted slightly sour, so I couldn't take more than a few small bites before giving up.

Verdict: I laughed out loud and warmed up some leftovers.

Nutrition Info: 200 calories, 12 g fat, 990 mg sodium, 15 g carb, 1 g fiber, 17 g protein

#3 Peppered Turkey

Finally, some flavor! The turkey has a nice, strong flavor of cracked pepper, and while the herbed wrap isn't exactly from Nonna's kitchen, it does offer some pleasant flavors to the mix--vaguely "Italian seasoning" but better than nothing. The cheese is, again, incredibly dry--we are three for three here--and under the pepper flavor, the turkey begins to display a cloying sweetness.

Verdict: The best of the bunch, which is hardly high praise.

Nutrition Info: 220 calories, 10 g fat, 950 mg sodium, 14 g carb, 5 g fiber, 18 g protein

This might be some of the laziest fast food I have ever encountered--who doesn't have time to wrap up deli cheese & meat in a wrap? Especially without condiments? While there is something to be said for portion control (I suppose) it seems to me that buying turkey, cheese, and wraps at the grocery store deli would be almost as fast, and certainly more delicious. These are everything you think they will be when you hear the name "Hormel."


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