My Top 5 Forbidden Foods: Bet You Can't Eat Just One

Categories: Top Five

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Photo by Christina Uticone
DO NOT ENTER!
There are just some foods I can't keep in the house, because if I did, they would be fully consumed within a 24-hour period. This wasn't always the case, however. Years ago, when I worked at grown-up jobs (the kind where I put on pants and left the house in the morning), I could purchase these things and leave them in my pantry or fridge, to be eaten over days, or weeks. But years of working from home have chipped away at my willpower.

This is what happens: I buy the aforementioned tempting foodstuff. I bring it home. My husband wakes up in the morning, fixes me a cup of coffee and says goodbye. I eat breakfast. I work, and then work out, and then work some more. Lunchtime approaches. I think, "Well, I could have [tempting item I can't resist] or I could have a salad. I'll have salad. And if I'm still hungry, a little taste of [tempting item]. Or I could have [tempting item] with a salad. Yeah! It's healthy because I'm eating veggies, too."
And then I don't feel like chopping veggies, so I eat [tempting item] and promise that I'll have salad for dinner. Which I do not.

Let me share with you my favorite forbidden foods.

5. Tortilla Chips

Stock my pantry with pretzels or potato chips -- I can take 'em or leave 'em. But tortilla chips? This is a whole different story. I love them plain, but I especially love to make "microwave nachos" with them:

1. Spread layer of chips on plate; 2. Dot with salsa or tomatillo sauce of your choice; 3. Sprinkle with cheese; 4. Nuke for one minute; and 5. EAT! EAT! EAT!

These are also called "breakup nachos" and "hangover nachos" depending on the occasion. And if there are tortilla chips in the house, I am eating them by the handful until they are gone...on top of eating microwave nachos for lunch every single day until the bag is empty.

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No, I miss YOU more.
4. Pop-Tarts

Specifically, Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. Guys, I don't even have a huge sweet tooth, and I can't keep these things in the house. I'll eat four in a day, given the opportunity. I blame my husband -- my parents never kept this shit in the house, and I didn't eat my first Pop-Tart until I was like 26 years old. It's a gateway tart.

3. Wheat Thins

You are going to see a pattern forming here -- crispy plus salty is a weakness for me, and Wheat Thins are also a nostalgic food for me. My mom was a teacher, so we often had the same snow days, and she would always make Wheat Thins part of our snow-day lunch. Or sometimes, even when I was home from college, we would have tea parties, and sip on Lemon Lift while we nibbled on veggies and Wheat Thins. Today, if I bring them home, "nibbling" turns to "inhaling," so I only let myself have these delicious, sharp-edged little crackers when I visit my mom.

2. Stouffer's French Bread Pizza

What the hell. Why did I start writing this?! Now all I want is a Stouffer's French Bread Pizza. And by "a" I mean "two," because they come two to a box and the reason I can't keep them in the house is that I eat them both in one sitting, every time. This shit is the shit. It's by far my favorite frozen pizza, but at 410 calories apiece, I have no business crushing two of them for lunch. (Or worse, drunk at 2 a.m.)

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When I turn 70, I'm going to eat Nutella and smoke two packs of Parliaments a day.
1. Nutella

A life without Nutella is truly not worth living. I know, because I live it. I allow myself the occasional Nutella treat at a restaurant, but it's no longer allowed to cross the threshold into my house. I used to slather it on a banana and have it with some milk as a "post-workout snack," but you know what? It's not nutritious. I know! I can't believe it either. But my thighs, they don't lie. And my post-workout snacks became pre- and post-workout snacks, dessert-after-lunch, and, eventually, breakfast, too. Goodbye, sweet chocolate/hazelnut spread.

So, how about you? Any forbidden foods in your life?



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7 comments
AwesomeMargie
AwesomeMargie

Chocolate donuts in the bag whether from Mrs. Baird or that other one which names escapes me at the moment.  Let me just eat 3.  Just 1 more.  Just 1 more.  Just 1 more.  (Repeat several times)  Damn.  The bag is empty.  

UrbanSwank
UrbanSwank

Wheat Thins are a must-have and are my favorite go to snack paired with mild cheddar cheese of course. Yum!

conebaby
conebaby topcommenter

@UrbanSwank I just can't resist, is the problem. I will allow myself to have them on outdoorsy-type adventures, as well.

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