Houston's 10 Best Bathrooms to Bang In

Categories: Bar Beat

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3. Boheme

If the sultry vibe, provocative art on the walls and endless supply of red wine at Boheme don't get you going, then maybe the leather couch in the private men's room will. Of all the washrooms on this list, this is the only one we found with furniture. All three of the restrooms (including the unmarked unisex room in the middle) are private, so feel free to explore. Bonus points if you figure out how to use the high-tech Japanese toilets.

2. Anvil

Every single service-industry vet polled mentioned "the middle bathroom at Anvil," quite specifically. Some even offered stories of having to eject patrons found sneaking a quickie in the single-occupancy bathroom. "Swingers, man. They used to come in all the time," offered one former bartender. "You'd look up and two of them are gone and sure enough...in the bathroom."

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Photo by Katharine Shilcutt
The Pass and Provisions literally tied itself for first place with it's not one but two star bathrooms.
1. The Pass & Provisions

One of my favorite pastimes is sitting at the bar at Provisions and watching patrons discover the small unisex bathroom for the first time. "There's a condom machine in there!" a preppy brunette in a sleek Brooks Brothers dress giggles as she straightens her pearls. "Oh, no way!" her friend retorts, visibly blushing. When it flusters the girls from The Young Republicans Waco Chapter, you know it's a swank bathroom.

"I'd do it in the other bathroom, too," quipped a friend of the bathrooms in the main dining room. "Who doesn't want to get it on to Julia Child?" (Audio of the late celebrity chef's cooking show is piped into these bathrooms. That voice.) The large main bathroom looks like BRC's unisex locker room got sent to finishing school. Complete with five private stall-rooms, this is the Maserati of washrooms; it's just that sexy.

In addition to having damn sexy bathrooms, a good portion of this list also functions as a damn fine place to have a drink as well. Admittedly, the Galleria area, Washington Avenue and Upper Kirby bars are absent here but I couldn't find anyone who actually drinks there and I myself haven't been to a Washington Avenue bar since I was dragged to Addix by a certain assistant music editor who shall remain nameless. Got any bathrooms Eating...Our Words may have missed?



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56 comments
sauqkgy
sauqkgy

Really, no NEXT DOOR BAR?!? Really?

vydakinfo
vydakinfo

Wow.  What a digusting display of pathetic writing and an embarrassing topic.  And now, when another person who is dating someone else on staff becomes a writer, the next article will sink again to a whole new low. 

Roland Gonzalez
Roland Gonzalez

im surprised boondocks restroom was not on the list ?

Jason Tinder
Jason Tinder

And I always thought that the best place to get busy was in a burger king bathroom..

Brazos
Brazos

Anderson Fair has always had coed bathrooms. Really improves the graffiti.

Adrian Taylor Barnard
Adrian Taylor Barnard

A person would have to sink to an all time low to have sexual relations in a public toilet.

Brian Bauer
Brian Bauer

Make sure all body cavities are clean and sanitized before entering. And don't forget about the White Shoulders perfume!

Judi Hurwitt
Judi Hurwitt

Seriously? :/ I'm betting these restaurants would prefer you kept your sexual activities out of their bathrooms. Just saying.

chickenpieces
chickenpieces

Brooks Brothers dress?  I highly doubt that.  That's poor research.

Tony Gutierrez
Tony Gutierrez

I don't always bang in the toilet booth, but when I do I only bang the classiest ho's

Ryan Metts
Ryan Metts

They missed numbers bathroom in their writeup!

Stephanie Fisher
Stephanie Fisher

We all know it was more than once. You can have it your way there. The possibilities are endless.

Rae Mi
Rae Mi

How the fuck do you come up with articles like this?

joseynosy
joseynosy

Sigh. This list is of no use to me. Mr. Justice didn't do a thorough research. Could the author please branch out to the Upper Kirby area? 

Creg Lovett
Creg Lovett

I may never come up with a better headline.

NewRider Ivan
NewRider Ivan

Not a restroom but.....photo-booth at Boondocks...better.

Lauren MacQueen
Lauren MacQueen

That thing of when you hold your breath hoping that your workplace is on there and it isn't. ::sighs of relief::

Jessica Alexander
Jessica Alexander

bravo, bravo. enough of a reason for me to trek back to houston sooner than later and...try out the drinks.

Mon Ica
Mon Ica

Hahah oook.. I purposely interuptted a couple months back at Little woodrow's east end saying I needed some TP. Haha.. of course, they were in the womens restroom.

HTownChowDown
HTownChowDown

Protip for those who need this sort of list:  It's more fun if you bring a partner.

Montrosian
Montrosian

No gay places?  Your research sucks.  Pun intended.

Nojusticenopiece
Nojusticenopiece

I'm so glad Houston Press has given Josh Justice a platform through which he can spread his douchery. In my opinion, it really hurts the credibility of this site that he got this gig simply because he's "banging" K. Shilcutt (hey, if he can use that term so can I, right?). I'm willing to bet not one Houstonian woke up this morning thinking, "Man, I wish someone would comprise a list of bathrooms that are conducive to fornication."

facebook.com
facebook.com

@Adrian Taylor Barnard If you're doing it in the toilet you're doing it wrong.

chantillyX
chantillyX

@HTownChowDown The fun, my friend, is in the daring spontaneity. See 9 1/2 weeks. If you're the kind of schlub who plans this stuff and brings a partner intending to do it, I feel sadness for you. 

chantillyX
chantillyX

@Montrosian True that! My vote goes to TC's Show Bar. An occasional visit keeps me sane.

HowAboutNo
HowAboutNo

@Nojusticenopiece since both K's and J's articles almost always contain at least one mention of "my boyfriend/my girlfriend," I've always assumed K writes all the posts and just puts J's name on some of them.

Someone
Someone

@Nojusticenopiece  Thank you for saying what I've been thinking for a while. The in-group favoritism that blatantly seeps through the Eating Our Words postings is pathetic.  On the other hand, I think I would be a good food writer. Any male staffers want to hook up in one of these bathrooms?  Just kidding, but sadly not about the fact that this strategy would, and seems to, work.

chickenpieces
chickenpieces

@bridge1231 I know they have dresses at Brooks Brothers, i'm not an idiot.  I just wonder if the preppy chick was really wearing that.  My comment was just me being silly..not an actual attack on the research.

kshilcutt
kshilcutt moderator editor

@chickenpieces @bridge1231 Well, shit. Now I want a Brooks Brothers dress. Those are really cute. (I think this makes me a de facto pearl clutcher, though...)

CoryGarcia
CoryGarcia

@J.A.Justice Now I'm just disappointed in myself for not making a Manowar joke in the first place.

J.A.Justice
J.A.Justice

@CoryGarcia He wants Pyromania and I want Reign in Blood so we compromise with Manowar's Kings of Metal.

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