Go to Hell, Milk Duds: The 5 Foods Most Likely to Mess Up Your Mouth

Categories: Top Five

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Photo by Gregg O'Connell
Pictured: Another foolproof way of damaging your dental work.
On Halloween night, I sat at home having wine with two of my best friends. No trick-or-treaters ever come through our neighborhood, thanks to its close proximity to the county jail, so we were set for a quiet evening of drinking and cheese-bingeing. Until one friend pulled out the Halloween candy.

Milk Duds sat atop the pile, beckoning in their tiny yellow box. I hadn't had a Milk Dud in years, but remembered the caramel inside the chocolate coating to be terribly sticky and dense. Yet I couldn't stop myself. I opened the box, and uttered these fateful words as I popped one single Milk Dud in my mouth: "I really shouldn't. These always get stuck in my fillings."

Two chews later, the Milk Dud had ripped off a crown and taken half the tooth with it. Two days later, my dentist informed me the tooth would have to come out -- as would the molar above it -- requiring significant, expensive dental work. That bastard Milk Dud has now trumped Beluga caviar as the most expensive single bite of food I've ever consumed.

Here are five other foods to avoid if you don't want to mangle your mouth or you don't want costly dental work adding an unexpected tariff to your bill.

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Photo by Mike Chaput
The blurry vision of a half-eaten bag of Sour Patch Kids is the last thing you'll see before passing out from the pain.
5. Sour Patch Kids

Sour Patch Kids aren't going to immediately damage your teeth, but the combination of acidic sour coating and sugar will wear down your enamel over time. The real danger is eating a whole box while watching Men In Black as a 16-year-old and realizing that the sour crystals have completely burned all the flesh off the inside of your cheeks, leaving painful blisters for days.

4. Milk Duds / Tootsie Rolls

Basically any candy that's super sticky is a super huge problem. Not only does the caramel tend to get stuck between teeth (making it really hard to remove, even with flossing) -- you're far more likely to pull out a filling or worse while munching through a handful.

3. Tortilla chips / popcorn

Tortilla chips -- especially the thin ones -- have the most frustrating ability to act completely cool and lull you into a false sense of security as you work your way through a bowl of salsa. And then, out of nowhere, one single chip will freak out on you mid-bite and tear open the roof of your mouth like it's out for blood. But that's not all: Popcorn and tortilla chips both have a tendency to lodge annoyingly tough little slivers of themselves between your gum and your tooth. The end result can be a disgusting abscess that requires a round of antibiotics. (Let's not even get started on what happens when you bite down hard on an unpopped kernel...)


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15 comments
mattdhall
mattdhall

I have chipped several teeth on Gummy Bears. You think you're getting a good bit down, then they slip out. Ouch.

And Captain Crunch. I love it so much, but it tears the roof of my mouth to shreds every time. 

Just_Johnny
Just_Johnny

Gum. I've lost two fillings because of it. It doesn't immediately take them out but the chewing action really weakens their hold. Within a day or two of chewing gum, they are gone.

 

Bad dentist? Maybe.

Shelbie Burgett
Shelbie Burgett

Don't forget about Cap'n Crunch. The roof of your mouth after, ugh!

Noelle A. Perry
Noelle A. Perry

" She's like a Milk Dud: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside." - bart simpson

Corey Deiterman
Corey Deiterman

I hate pizza as much as I love it for that reason. By the time it's cool enough to eat without burning your mouth, it usually doesn't even taste good anymore.

jennytulltx
jennytulltx

Now R Laters - pulled a crown off a tooth for me.

gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

Forgot juju be's and or rowntree's fruit gums..

Dustin Kalman
Dustin Kalman

I once burned the corner of my mouth on a Grandy's Cinnamon Roll. I heated it up in the microwave and the icing was really hot.

MamaJuice
MamaJuice

Oysters.  I was at a popular seafood restaurant celebrating my husband's birthday.  I swallowed an oyster and then bit into part of it's shell.  I went to the ladies room to rinse my mouth out and found the piece of shell and a chunk of my bottom molar.  I was upset and thought about letting my server know but then figured it's just one of the hazards of eating seafood.  If a bone doesn't get you perhaps a shell will.  I drank more champagne and forgot about it.

Caroline Evans
Caroline Evans

My scalp itches every time I eat horseradish. I used to think it was normal, then I mentioned it to some friends and they looked at me weird.

Yumyum
Yumyum

How about pitted olives?  There is always one in there that is not pitted and BAM you have a cracked tooth.

Houstess
Houstess

My dentist has said that Bit O Honey and corn nuts are responsible for most of his food related repair business.

kshilcutt
kshilcutt moderator editor

 @gossamersixteen Jujubes should be cast into the deepest pit of hell. They're worse than everything else on this list combined.

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