The 5 Fast Food Sides We Miss Most

jon stewart.png
Even Jon Stewart's upset about our #1 pick.
It's once again time to look back on some of the discontinued food items that were sadistically ripped from our lives and our stomachs by the soulless monster that is corporate America. It's a cruel, cruel world out there...

In case you missed our rants, we think a life without the freedom to purchase items like Gatorgum, KFC's Chicken Littles and the Original Four Loko just isn't a life worth living.

This time, we're reminiscing about a staple on every fast-food joint menu: the side.

So, grab a box of tissues, pour yourself a glass of Scotch and get ready to wallow in misery as we take a look at the Top 5 Sides We Want Back.

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Photo by Dan Bruno
We loved you just the way you were...
5. The Original Domino's Cheesy Bread

Once upon a time, Domino's Cheesy Bread was the perfect start to a mediocre meal: a chewy, moist blob of dough topped with a mixture of greasy, tangy cheddar and gooey yet crisp mozzarella served alongside thick, sugary marinara. It lived a charitable life, bringing joy and happiness to millions of drunk people across the world.

But then one day, Gluttony knocked on Domino's door and was all like, "Hey, I don't think there's enough cheese on there, bro. Let's stuff the shit that we just topped with a shit ton of cheese with more cheese, and make it so that you can't even tell it's fucking bread anymore. Right? It'll be awesome. It'll be like, you just got STUFFED! While we're at it, let's start serving pasta stuffed inside bread, too, brah. Let's just stuff fucking everything."

Look at us, Domino's. Does it look like we need more cheese to you? DOES IT!?

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4. McDonald's Salad Shakers

It's a salad...in a cup! Just drizzle on your dressing, shake and eat. All of the lettuce leaves are coated, the salad is tossed well and pretty much everything is right with the world.

And how easy was that, really? So easy...

...almost too easy, though, right, Ronald?

It was just sooo incredibly friggin' simple and convenient that you had to pry it away from our greedy little fingers and force us to use forks again. You guys just poured the salad straight from the cup into your mouths, too, right? No?

3. Wendy's Super Bar

In case you wanted a side salad, beef tacos and spaghetti alfredo with your Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger (and who'd wouldn't?), Wendy's offered its guests the super-classy Superbar for only $2.99.

The ultra-swank buffet bar came with three sections:

The Garden Spot: Where one could get their fill of (fresh?) lettuce, carrots, croutons and cherry tomatoes to complete the world's most standard side salad.

The Mexican Fiesta: Where one could then top said side salad with ground beef, sour cream and cheese or make a soft taco with all of the above, plus refried beans.

And finally, the ingeniously named...

Pasta Pasta station: Where one would then top their beef taco and refried bean salad with marinara, dunk a breadstick in cream sauce and toss it all together with some spaghetti (just kidding...or am I?).

Sound good? Hell, no -- it just sounds wrong! But there was just something about the Super Bar that was so, so right.



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11 comments
tinyhands
tinyhands

There is no reason to miss McD's fried apple pie: Popeye's has 'em. In fact, Popeye's is better than McD's because, after frying, they roll them in cinnamon sugar.

brooke viggiano
brooke viggiano

I'm not sure exactly when it closed, I believe somewhere in the early-mid 90s. Anybody know?

BigOmaha
BigOmaha

 Oh yes,  the pudding.  We used to fill our empty drink cups with pudding before we left for a nice snack on the way home.

Shayne
Shayne

Several weeks ago, I went to the McDonald's drive thru near our house.  As per usual, they screwed up my order, so I had to park and go inside to get it resolved.  To make up for their error, they gave me a free apple pie.  While this was meant as a gesture of goodwill, it only made me more irritated because it's not the fried pie.  Oh, how I miss that thing!

Hanabi-chan
Hanabi-chan

I remember when Wendy's rolled out a breakfast menu, hoping it could compete with McDonalds. I don't think that experiment lasted long. I want to say that apple fritters were part of the breakfast menu, but can't trust my memory.

Hanabi-chan
Hanabi-chan

Brooke, many many MANY years ago, I worked at Wendy's in Pasadena. And I always seemed to be the one who had to set up the salad bar.  That was when it just was the regular salad bar. The Superbar must have come into being after I quit.  When did they get rid of the Superbar? I miss the tacos at Sonic.  I also wish McDonalds would keep the cherry and strawberry pies. My daughter and I loved them.

Sleepgirl3
Sleepgirl3

I too was sadden by the disappearance of the McDonald's fried pies, but i found them again at Whataburger!

Jarod Frank
Jarod Frank

Jack in the Box toasted ravioli and chimichangas. Sonic fried pickles. Dairy Queen banana pudding Blizzard...you can still get banana, but not all (if any) Dairy Queens stock the Nilla Wafers to make the banana pudding Blizzard.

Htwngrl
Htwngrl

I miss the frito burrito from Taco Bell. They try to bring back some reincarnation every once in a while but *sigh*.

Kookoomaki
Kookoomaki

Cinnamon Crispas from Taco Bell.

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