If New York City Bans Big Gulps, Here Are 5 Texan Foods Worth Banning, Too

Categories: News, Top Five

biscuitsban.jpg
Photo by Jeffery W.
Delicious piles of lard and processed flour.
In the latest blow to common sense, New York City has moved to ban Big Gulps -- the extra-large soft drinks of the type you usually see in Styrofoam cups triple the size of a human's normal stomach capacity, or anything more than 16 ounces in capacity (which is close to the size of a McDonald's small soda).

I think we can all agree that a Big Gulp-size soda is bad for you. But banning them entirely? What's to prevent people from purchasing two large sodas and drinking them one after another? And why is it any of New York City's goddamned business if some assholes want to thin their bodies' fluids with high-fructose corn syrup and carbonated water? What possible good could this really achieve in the long run over, say, banning soft-drink machines in school cafeterias and therefore nipping America's soda addiction in the bud (if you're into such measures, that is).

There is so much that is stupid and unnecessary about this proposed ban that it led me to wonder about all the foods and drinks we consume in Texas that would rightfully horrify pearl-clutching New Yorkers. What foods and beverages of ours would they ban?

I'm pretty sure they'd start with...

quesoban.jpg
Photo by JimmyMac
The chemicals make it creamy.
5. Queso

"You mean to tell me they're melting blocks of cheese down with a few stray tomatoes and calling that 'good'? Do they have any idea how much cholesterol is in this 'queso'? How much saturated fat? Wait -- what?! They're not even using real cheese? VELVEETA? THAT'S MADE ALMOST ENTIRELY OF CHEMICALS. Jesus Christ, these people are clearly too cheese-addled to think for themselves. Ban."

4. Kolaches

"It's a pig in a blanket. With more cheese? And they can't claim that a jalapeño is a vegetable. It's fatty meat wrapped in fatty dough with fatty cheese -- and they're eating this crap for breakfast? Ban."

3. Biscuits and gravy

"So...let me get this straight. They're eating one type of flour and lard poured atop another version of flour and lard. White flour. Processed, bleached, white flour. With grease mixed in. You have got to be kidding me. Ban."

2. Breakfast tacos

"I...I don't even... Eggs? Inside a tortilla? With sausage so greasy that it's a shade of orange found nowhere else in nature? Grease that saturates through the actual -- ugh -- tortilla and drips out the sides while you eat it? THESE PEOPLE ARE EATING PURE FAT AND CHOLESTEROL AGAIN, FOR BREAKFAST, AGAIN. Ban."

1. Everclear-based margaritas

"I'm pretty sure this is what the kids have been soaking tampons in to get drunk faster. Ban."



Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords
My Voice Nation Help
72 comments
Marc
Marc

jewish writer? of course need biscuits and gravy

SirRon
SirRon

Perfect. I have your support. Who else?

Flaubertg
Flaubertg

 only if the ban provided 'no measurable results' .... ; )))

Guest
Guest

And that's what I love about the South.  "Honey, you sure do get a good scald on this chicken!" -quote from "Fried Green Tomatoes" You'll have to pry my cold dead hands from the chips and queso...it is a social feast.

Ginny Braud
Ginny Braud

As a kid, I knew that it was gonna be a good weekend when my dad would whip up a batch of Rotel queso around 11am on a Saturday. Oooohhh man. Velveeta & Rotel hold such a special place in my heart I don't even care that it's causing permanent damage to it. This past weekend, I brought a batch to a FPSF pre-party and threw some smoked brisket in there. AMAZEBALLS.

Chuck
Chuck

Queso wit brisket chunks sounds awesome. I put spicy breakfast sausage in mine sometimes.BTW, NY's just trying to slow down the runaway train of portion sizes, not an all out ban on cokes. The article says it's stupid, but it has brought some attention to the matter of portion control. We just need to keep our eyes on portions; I have a problem with this myself, as I cook for a living and I love food and love to eat.

just saying
just saying

I would have been dubious of the idea before, but spicy breakfast sausage in queso blows my mind.

Chuck
Chuck

Always a winner at a party. Some foreign friends were giving me shit once and asking if my specialty was hamburgers and laughing, so I had a hamburger and queso party and they shut the hell up real quick.

Bruce R
Bruce R

Real Texans eat Crisco right out of the can.

Ginger
Ginger

Dont touch my biscuits and gravy!!

Ed T.
Ed T.

That was my thought - who cares about Everclear Margaritas, I am now hungry for some biscuits and gravy. Also, queso.

Amber
Amber

What if you soaked a tampon in sausage gravy instead of everclear? Hmmm..

Nicole Buergers
Nicole Buergers

They'd all be "Breakfast Tacos? You mean burritos, right??" Got into a twitter argument (oh, the best kind of argument) with a NJ guy this morning about these: http://view.email.dunkindonuts...

Brittany (Tribyen)
Brittany (Tribyen)

Taco means heel and burrito means little donkey, so either way they're stupid names for a food. In California, if it's rolled, it's a burrito; if it's folded over, it's a taco.

Kelly
Kelly

I eat everything on that list weekly except for an everclear margarita. If you'll spill the beans I'll add it to my diet thgough. Now I'm hungry. Thanks!

sbterry
sbterry

El Patio on Westheimer just east of Hillcroft/Voss.  The bar is called "club no minor"  (ask about them about the name!).  Order the margarita -- but not more than 2!

Viv2639
Viv2639

I guess I'm a freak for not eating that disgusting "food" included in your top 5. How can people like to eat trash?? Take care of your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Katharine Shilcutt
Katharine Shilcutt

John Waters has based his entire career on the concept of enjoying trash. Think of queso as the John Waters of food, and maybe you'll feel better. Little Chrissy would agree.

just saying
just saying

Are you joking?  Yes, those items have to be food because they have caloric (albeit scant) nutritional value, and are not only edible, but happen to taste very delicious to the vast majority of the populace.I have an extremely healthy diet and work out anywhere between 1.5 and 3.5 hours every day, and fail to see what is wrong in enjoying one of these unhealthy treats every once in awhile.By the way, not all of us believe in this myth of the "Holy Spirit," so it is not my perogative for taking care of my body.  I mean, if I were choose to make my body a temple for something, it would be a way cooler mythological persona, maybe like Poseidon...that'd be badass!

LW
LW

What kind of work do you to be able to handle working out 1.5-3.5 hours a day?!

Zan
Zan

 Trolling posts about fatty foods in order to cyber bash us folks who eat such garbage, apparently. *shrug*

GWEST
GWEST

YOUR MOMMA'S BODY is the temple of the Hole-y Spirit!!!

sbterry
sbterry

I dare say if Mayor Bloomberg ever came to Texas to try and ban any of the 5 he would be run out of town quicker than you can say "Nacho Cheese"!  Ah, the Great State of Texas, Land that I love and which allows me the ability to eat, drink and think for myself!

Guest
Guest

... or NOT think, apparently.

yee ha.
yee ha.

... and if you're a kid, it also leaves you educate yourself.... or if you're a woman who's deadbeat ex owes child support, you're allowed to go and try to get it on your own.... or if you can't afford health insurance, you're allowed to die.

jimincognito
jimincognito

Please feel free to move to a far-away state (such as New York) will cater to society's degenerates. Texans cherish personal responsibility. 

FluerieJ
FluerieJ

 ...right!...like the personal responsibility a Texas woman must undertake to be lectured by a doctor before choosing to terminate her pregnancy. Yep, we're all about live and let live.

yee ha.
yee ha.

Children, women, and sick people are degenerates? Please feel free to move to a far-away state (such as Arizona.) They're even trying to get rid of all their brown people, so you should feel right at home.

sbterry
sbterry

Someone is a bit cranky and can't handle the frivolity of the moment --

SirRon
SirRon

There is a time and a place for Everclear margaritas. It's called college.

ec
ec

Original Ninfa's used to do that....new owners ruined those though.

Jen
Jen

Isn't that the secret ingredient in the infamous Club No Minors margaritas?

Landio
Landio

I think the best part of this story is the Mayor said yesterday he wants less pot arrests.  So go ahead and smoke a little pot but dont your dare drink a coke bigger than 16 oz.  

The whole thing is stupid.  

DarlingtonHarb
DarlingtonHarb

 Little weird this ban, but I guess he's addressing the epidemic of diabetes that the state has to pay to treat. So the state might have an interest in eliminating some of the causes, and there's no better poster child than a Big Gulp. It's partly about propaganda and education, and this proposal scores on that front at least.

Chuck
Chuck

Big Gulp's aren't even affected by this ban, but it is a small step in the right direction. Lots of people have a HUGE, sugary drink every day; some first thing, and some more than once a day. I don't think anyone is having a supersize portion of anything on this list every day. You're right, trying to be proactive and curb the problem before it becomes a problem...unfortunately it already is a problem, but still, gotta start somewhere. With mandatory health insurance such a controversial issue, someone has to pay for obesity related health issues. We have a long way to go. congrats to Disney for banning junk food commercials, we gotta start with the kids.

SirRon
SirRon

I don't care if you don't understand data analysis. I don't even care that you pretend to not understand English words. After 1000+ comments here (~50% of them of this vein), I make no secret that I love the mock social experience here in the comment section. Maybe I like playing sociologist. Or wait, socio-, what is the one where I don't really care about your feelings? That one. But I do care if you are in favor of lifting the ban. Don't quit this.

Longshanks2
Longshanks2

'no measurable improvement'? huh? if you can't measure something, it's immeasurable. pls stop talking in circles, ronnie. measurable 360 degree circles.

SirRon
SirRon

Also, would you support lifting the ban if it shows no measurable improvement?

SirRon
SirRon

I do it for me, not you. But thanks.

Joshdepond
Joshdepond

Kudos SirRon! Not only are you deeply, yet simply philosophical about mundane questions, but you're also wily and cunning, able to hook EOW commenters with a fingerhit or two, proving your highness in thought things big and small. Hats off! (If only we wore hats still).

SirRon
SirRon

Interesting, Kimber. I hooked you comment monkeys on a tangent and there is a part that *I* don't understand? That's one theory I guess. Notice that no EOW regulars responded to the bait. Just saying. Oh, maybe Regina understood before I understood that you understood that I didn't? Just keepin' it deep and stuff.

Kimber34
Kimber34

She understands that you didn't understand.

SirRon
SirRon

*Very* yelpian examples. Well done. Just a quick sanity check, this ban is like blindly throwing a dart. If it works, great. If you believe those examples are equivalent, than I have no problem playing along.

War on drugs? How about considering something like lowering the speed limit in order to reduce greenhouse gases.

OR, how about you guys answer the simple question: If the ban shows no measurable improvement, should it be lifted?

Forget qualifications, sophistic reasoning, etc. Why is this so hard for your sharp little Internet minds to put an answer out there?

Kimber34
Kimber34

Like prohibition? Or the war on drugs? What else has been a failed policy?Not raising taxes on the wealthy while the government borrows money to bail out banks, who use our money to fund pro-bank legislation?

SirRon
SirRon

I've liked this twice!!1!

Kimber34
Kimber34

Try taking SirRon's point seriously and respectfully and asking him about specifics, and he'll shut you down. He's a jester. Until he gets serious. Then a jester once more.

Alonsoff
Alonsoff

A deep philosophical question, SirRon, gotta hand it to you. Once again.

SirRon
SirRon

and you, with your rhyming all the timing. I heart.

SirRon
SirRon

And if the ban shows no measurable improvement, should it be lifted? It's a fkn simple philosophical question that applies to much more than this "debate."

Also, if you didn't see the jest in my response to 8mile's absurdity, then you read it wrong.

Chuck
Chuck

SirRon, weren't you just talking about having a civil conversation?. I don't see this as a politically driven decision by Bloomberg, who dropped out of the democratic party and the republican party and is now an independent who can't be mayor after this term. I think non-supporters should be able to evaluate, in an unbiased manner, how not enacting this portion restriction is going to benefit our society. No feelings involved, we just gotta figure out how to gauge that not being able to buy a 60oz cherry-limeade, but only a 16oz is a bad thing.

8mileslim
8mileslim

no doubt, given your cute quips and tiny hips...

SirRon
SirRon

I like you. Like, an Internet like type of like you. But this could grow to be much much more.

8mileslim
8mileslim

ok unbiased scientific one, tell us then how long you would give to see results or conclusive lack of results? why is 20 years absurd?

SirRon
SirRon

Absurd. You can put those little pieces of 20 years in your butt and smoke it... or whatever. OK?

SirRon
SirRon

I don't have a huge problem with the ban on big soft drinks. I have a problem with this kind of legislation that is more politically driven than actual results driven. If we are to believe we have an epidemic, then these types of bans could be very beneficial to all.

However, supporters must be able to evaluate the results in an unbiased manner. If not, then you are simply legislating feelings and morality. I don't agree with that, and I also find it funny that you can't have a civil conversation about it, whether we agree or not.

8mileslim
8mileslim

 Sure, let's give it 20 years before assessing whether an improvement has been made, ok? Then you can take your measures and weights and statistics and draw the conclusions you'd like to draw.

Chuck
Chuck

I think it's going to get passed on the "we are going <-- but should be going --> ticket". Now SirRon, I get the feeling that you disagree with this proposed restriction and I'm sure you can tell I agree with it, so I'm not going to try to change your mind and you sure as hell aren't going to change mine...so no debate. Good luck to you, Sir and good day.

SirRon
SirRon

But if the ban shows no measurable improvement, should it be lifted? I'm sure this didn't get passed on the "propaganda ticket."

FluerieJ
FluerieJ

 It's probably not viewed as a 'solution'. More like the public health campaign against tobacco use: propaganda in pursuit of changing behavior in a positive direction.

SirRon
SirRon

If the ban was to show no measurable improvement in health, would you advocate to lift the ban?

Maybe they started in the wrong place. The ban is a simplistic solution.

T.C. Sprencel
T.C. Sprencel

I agree that the soda ban is stupid, but I must take issue with your insinuation that pot is worse than soda. Of course both are fine in moderation, and both should be legal/permissible, but soda and other sugary junk food and drink are proving far more detrimental to our nation's overall health than marijuana is.

Maggie_Mae
Maggie_Mae

But pot can lead to cravings for unhealthy food!  A few puffs, then you're lusting for tacos.  Or kolaches (the article missed Shipley's famous Boudin Kolaches).  

It's a gateway drug, I tell you!  

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Loading...