Top Chef: Texas and an Impromptu Tour of the Houston Press Offices

Categories: TV

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Sarah gets even better news than just winning Quickfire: She and Tony get to hang out all evening, instead of having to participate in the elimination challenge. Meanwhile, all of the competitors get some one-on-one time with their mentors before prepping for tonight's challenge: They have $500 and a few hours to shop at Whole Foods and make their dishes. But not before inserting a few really obnoxious product placement shots and voiceovers about the damn Toyota they're all "trying" to win. Let's not kid ourselves; they're here to win the competition, and they probably hate doing these product placement spots as much as I hate watching them.

Speaking of which, part of me wonders if the poor people at Whole Foods - employees who are very close to my heart, as several of my good friends work there - have started to hate seeing these Top Chef fuckers come in from week to week, run rampant throughout the store, demand shit and generally careen around like chickens with their heads cut off. Like there's not enough of that going on in any given Whole Foods on a daily basis with some of the crazy demanding customers they have.

Back on the show after a commercial break, Paul breaks hearts nationwide by talking on the phone to his [very pretty] girlfriend. Sorry, ladies. You'll have to settle for Ed. Hope you like misogyny and face burns!

Padma points out that this is the last competition in Texas, something which I somehow missed. This means no more cheesy interpretations of Texas food and culture, which I'm thankful for. But it also means that there will be no further chances for the show to redeem itself in the eyes of our state nor redeem itself for the way it portrayed Texas solely as the producers' interpretations of our home instead of a non-gimmicky, honest look at the Lone Star State. I mean, where were the chefs like Tyson Cole this entire time?

I just feel like there have been so many missed opportunities along the way to honestly showcase all the ridiculously cool shit that our chefs cook, that our farmers and ranchers produce, that our breweries and distilleries create, that our bakers bake, and so on and so forth. You get it. I still feel cheated. I'm sorry, but I do.

Ugh, Michael Showalter. I love you so much. What are you doing appearing on the cheesy talk show that airs after Top Chef? Stop it before you erase all the love in my heart for The State and Wet Hot American Summer.

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Fifteen minutes left and I just can't wait to see who gets eliminated. Not because I care who wins - Paul has this in the bag, period, so it's all just kind of a farce right now - but because I really just want to go home and go to bed. Even with the mentors and the crying earlier in the episode, I just can't connect with the show past a few brief moments of real emotion each episode.

Naturally, Paul wins, even after cooking a soup for his elimination dish - a ballsy move, to be sure. Let's see Ed go now, and let me get into my pajamas. This is taking forever. It's ridiculous how long they're drawing this one out tonight.

Lindsay is crying some more back in the walk-in cooler, or wherever they keep the poor contestants between takes, because she's in the bottom two. It must be an unfamiliar feeling for her, as she's consistently in the top echelon of chefs on the show. Ed jokes that she shouldn't be worried, as he's probably going home anyway and cites his crappy canned oysters as the reason why. Hughnibrow makes the prescient point that Ed became too fixated on his central ingredient - oysters - to make a good dish. You go to the market and cook with what's fresh and available, he says, instead of buying sorry substitutes for what you originally had in mind. A good chef is flexible and able to adapt; Ed is not.

Sure enough, Ed is gone. And so am I. My pajama pants are calling... Also, the cleaning guy just turned all the lights off and it's kind of scary in here now.

Check out our past Top Chef recaps here:



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10 comments
Guest
Guest

"I ended up with avocado; I didn't realize I grabbed that," says Beverly, which is just about the dumbest shit you'll hear all night. Because a fucking avocado feels like an apple. Or a shallot. Or a trout. Fuck off. An avocado distinctly feels like nothing else other than an avocado. See what I mean about how dumb this all is?

LMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAO!  She is such a d!psh!t. Avocado? I thought I grabbed a banana. D!PSH!T!

Melanie Haupt
Melanie Haupt

"I just feel like there have been so many missed opportunities along theway to honestly showcase all the ridiculously cool shit that our chefscook, that our farmers and ranchers produce, that our breweries anddistilleries create, that our bakers bake, and so on and so forth. Youget it. I still feel cheated. I'm sorry, but I do."

My thoughts exactly.

Chiknkitchn
Chiknkitchn

Cool kitchen, but the shelves should have food on them.

Jodie E
Jodie E

I finally watched it around midnight and I cried when Paul cried, too ... that was the one cool moment along w/ all of the b.s. you so aptly describe ... oy vey ... "fucking Beverly" ... you ... complete ... me ...

Corey
Corey

NIce office Kath, though strangely I didn't happen to see your bong... 

O.C.
O.C.

Katherine, I'm not going to miss the end of this show (in freakin' CANADA?) but I'm going to miss your recaps!  They've made the show worth watching.  

Tim
Tim

Why aren't all of those wonderful farmers, distillers, brewers, etc. not on?  Because they didn't pay to play.  The Magic Elves people didn't get rich by giving anyone free exposure.

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Jasminesmith198714

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