This Week in Deliciousness

Categories: Leftovers

lone-cow.jpg
Photo by Groovehouse
Pictured: Delicious, resource-wasting crapsack.
Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're going to try to organize an anti-SOPA fundraiser. Here's how it would go: the menu consists of SOPA-pillas, delicious Mexican batter envelopes served with honey and sugar. But seconds after your waiter brings you your SOPA-pillas, a guy dressed up like an FBI agent shows up and seizes them. And then you have to go ask another guy who's playing your congressman to give them back. Sounds kind of busy, I know, but it's gonna work.

Food trends take off for different reasons; sometimes a certain ingredient becomes cheaper, sometimes a certain food is featured in a popular film or TV show, and then sometimes a food trend is simply designed to make people say "Ha ha! That's fuckin' stupid!" Guess which category this falls into: GIANT CUPCAKES. So, it's a cake, and they add a messy, inconvenient ridge near the top, and tack on twenty or so bucks to the price. The food racket is a good racket to be in, I guess.

Which places have the longest lines around town? Well, since Astroworld is gone, it's now these restaurants. I was hanging out in Dickinson the other day, and I had a nice chat with the guy at the end of the Breakfast Klub line. His name is Horace, he has a three-year-old daughter, and he hopes to see her someday.

There are way more people talking about wine corks than I ever thought possible, so if that's your thing, don't miss out.

We're finally starting to show South Houston some love, stopping into Bonnie's and enjoying the smoky scents of City Cafe. Good for you, South Houston.

At last, "Shit Foodies Say" is here, and although it doesn't include "My life is a hollow lie" muttered halfway through penning a slanderous Yelp review, it's pretty accurate anyway. Foodies are downright bearable when compared to these idiots, though.

Lafeyette seems like a pretty cool place, and I don't know why that kind of surprises me, except maybe I'm tainted on Louisiana by the boringness of Baton Rouge? Huh... my bad, Louisiana. That's as egregious as someone judging the rest of Texas after having only visited Dallas.

We found Lemon Tree to be pretty mediocre, while Triniti seems to be brilliant. I'd have thought the other way around; Lemon Tree sounds fresh and zesty, while Triniti sounds like a stripper who had to come up with a stripper name two hours after watching The Matrix.

The price of beef is going up because it turns out raising brain-dead four-stomached poop factories is somewhat inefficient, particularly in a drought. Not to worry, though; chickens are still cheap and plentiful, as you well know if you've ever lived next door to a trailer park.

Paula Deen has diabetes, the poor dear, and even though she was kind of asking for it with her diet, as the Shameless Chef, I can't really fault her. At least she can have a happy 65th birthday knowing that her penetrating gaze has been cunningly animated in some wonderful GIFs.

We leave you with some delicious toppings to try on your popcorn, and with a horrible abomination we created and are now unable to destroy. John Lomax went into the kitchen earlier today with a machete and a shotgun and has yet to emerge. The thing just won't die. I'm scared.

Have a great weekend!



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5 comments
LuluRz
LuluRz

It offended me too and I definitely won't be reading your other articles.

anontoday
anontoday

While I appreciate the irony in your photo caption, I also find it sad and disgusting to the point of anger.  Almost over the line, smokey.

Txjboy
Txjboy

I appreciate reading this feature every Friday.  Have a great weekend.

Wyatt
Wyatt

What offended you? The idea that beef is delicious? The true statement that raising beef requires a massive amount of resources? Because if it was the word "crapsack," for the love of god, get off the Internet right now and save your fragile psyche a lot of stress.

John Seaborn Gray
John Seaborn Gray

If that offended you, you probably shouldn't read any of my other articles.

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