The Bacon Backlash: 10 Things Bacon Does Not Make Better

Categories: Meat!

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Seriously, you guys. Enough is enough.
When -- on New Year's Eve -- I jokingly suggested that 2012 would be the year of the Bacon Backlash, our Twitter followers were not amused.

"Why are cupcakes 'it'?" asked @Ruhama613. "Carbs are the debbil. Mo' Bacon!"

Said @T_Tow: "I will defend the bacon!"

And @CynicalHouston simply responded: "My bacon-infused whiskey inspired by your post disagrees."

But consider it for a moment, folks. Bacon is everywhere, from bacon-scented air fresheners to bacon-flavored dental floss. Aren't you sick of bacon yet?

I'm not talking about being "sick of bacon" in its typical context, either, like on a breakfast plate with eggs and toast, or on a cheeseburger, or on a BLT, or diced and thrown into a baked potato or a chopped salad. Those are all normal, all-American, delicious, bacon-related festivities. Hell, I'm even in favor of using that bacon-infused whiskey to make a killer Manhattan.

I'm talking about being sick of bacon as a worn out meme -- as a tired mascot of the overdeveloped culinary zeitgeist -- that shows up everywhere and in everything for no good goddamn reason at all.

I say enough is enough. Let 2012 be the year in which we take back our bacon! And we can start by taking it out of all the disgusting things below.

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So...much...wasted...bacon.
10. Sculpture

Bacon does not make for a good sculpting medium. Yes, it's amusing to say "BAK 47." It's less amusing to look at what is essentially the fat-riddled bellies of a dozen dead pigs in machine gun form; it's just a sad waste of all that delicious meat.

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All kinds of nasty.
9. Naked women

Although I don't want to, I can understand the idea behind serving sushi off naked women: The sushi is separated from the women's flesh with decorative leaves, and the sushi itself is meant to be eaten. I can't say the same for making bacon underwear or whatever is happening in the photo above. You can't eat the raw bacon, and all I can think of when I look at these hapless women is, "Girl, you gonna get salmonella in your lady parts."

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That biscuit is ashamed to be there.
8. Cones

I do not agree with the health expert in this article who says that "The appropriate level of moderation of bacon is none... You should have it zero times in your life." A life lived without bacon is a sad one indeed. I do, however, agree when he says that we should "be very moderate and do not construct cones out of it." Moderation and bacon aren't often words that are found together, but they should be. We already make delicious cones out of waffles; isn't that enough for you?

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a...*pukes before song can finish*
7. Lollipops

The Shameless Chef got me a bacon-flavored lollipop for Christmas. While I am very appreciative of his thoughtfulness, I will probably never eat the lollipop. I will, however, keep it as a reminder that unless we are vigilant, bacon will invade our lives at every turn like the meat version of kudzu.

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Who doesn't want to bathe with a bar of something that looks and smells like rendered hog fat?
6. Soap

The first time you step into a hot shower with a bar of bacon soap after a long night of overindulging, you'll be regretting that purchase with every body-doubling wretch. Stick to the Irish Spring, hoss.


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19 comments
John Seaborn Gray
John Seaborn Gray

Yeah, the lollipop was meant to serve as more of a cubicle decoration. I can't imagine it tasting any good at all. :)

Stoneyred
Stoneyred

I bought JD's Bacon Lube and chap stick for people for Christmas. Totally smell and taste disgusting but fun to talk about and give as gifts.

skquinn
skquinn

I like the idea of bacon salt, but the rest I can more or less agree with.

Helen
Helen

I feel ya Katherine, but I respectfully disagree. I think bacon is one of those immortal internet memes that will never die, right up there with adorable cats who can't spell and porn. Bacon is THAT good.

Also, that breakfast in a bacon cone looks pretty awesome. Just sayin'.

Alison GlitterGlam G
Alison GlitterGlam G

You do know there's a thing called Bacon Lube out there? I didn't know, until I had a friend post it on FB... lol. Nasty.

Debra36s
Debra36s

I love bacon, but those are just sick!

James Kass
James Kass

Half of the items on this list are produced with fake bacon-flavoring. Fake Bacon doesn't make anything better. FAIL!

bibulb
bibulb

Bacon, Zombies, and Pirates. Three memes that have more than run their courses.

I like bacon, and I'll add it to a lot of foods, but please, please, PLEASE shut up about how you saw it on the road to Damascus. 

Kingofkaty
Kingofkaty

You can't get Salmonella from bacon? I hope your joking.

Eric S
Eric S

No objection to any of the items on the list, or the spirit of the rant. That said, those looking for a dessert with bacon in it would be well served to visit Petite Sweets for their pancake and bacon cupcakes. They are most excellent. 

Bayou619
Bayou619

*cough* hater *cough*

sure you can figure out why

Corey
Corey

Bacon flavored popcorn is also abysmal..

Eric Henao
Eric Henao

"salmonella in your lady parts" best quote evah!

Miss Mich K
Miss Mich K

This James Kass person is rather brilliant in his analysis of this article.  Nobody likes fake bacon flavor.  James, are you the same James Kass who has a show on Thursday nights??  :)

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