The Bacon Backlash: 10 Things Bacon Does Not Make Better
"Why are cupcakes 'it'?" asked @Ruhama613. "Carbs are the debbil. Mo' Bacon!"
Said @T_Tow: "I will defend the bacon!"
And @CynicalHouston simply responded: "My bacon-infused whiskey inspired by your post disagrees."
I'm not talking about being "sick of bacon" in its typical context, either, like on a breakfast plate with eggs and toast, or on a cheeseburger, or on a BLT, or diced and thrown into a baked potato or a chopped salad. Those are all normal, all-American, delicious, bacon-related festivities. Hell, I'm even in favor of using that bacon-infused whiskey to make a killer Manhattan.
I'm talking about being sick of bacon as a worn out meme -- as a tired mascot of the overdeveloped culinary zeitgeist -- that shows up everywhere and in everything for no good goddamn reason at all.
I say enough is enough. Let 2012 be the year in which we take back our bacon! And we can start by taking it out of all the disgusting things below.
Bacon does not make for a good sculpting medium. Yes, it's amusing to say "BAK 47." It's less amusing to look at what is essentially the fat-riddled bellies of a dozen dead pigs in machine gun form; it's just a sad waste of all that delicious meat.
Although I don't want to, I can understand the idea behind serving sushi off naked women: The sushi is separated from the women's flesh with decorative leaves, and the sushi itself is meant to be eaten. I can't say the same for making bacon underwear or whatever is happening in the photo above. You can't eat the raw bacon, and all I can think of when I look at these hapless women is, "Girl, you gonna get salmonella in your lady parts."
That biscuit is ashamed to be there.
I do not agree with the health expert in this article who says that "The appropriate level of moderation of bacon is none... You should have it zero times in your life." A life lived without bacon is a sad one indeed. I do, however, agree when he says that we should "be very moderate and do not construct cones out of it." Moderation and bacon aren't often words that are found together, but they should be. We already make delicious cones out of waffles; isn't that enough for you?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a...*pukes before song can finish*
The Shameless Chef got me a bacon-flavored lollipop for Christmas. While I am very appreciative of his thoughtfulness, I will probably never eat the lollipop. I will, however, keep it as a reminder that unless we are vigilant, bacon will invade our lives at every turn like the meat version of kudzu.
The first time you step into a hot shower with a bar of bacon soap after a long night of overindulging, you'll be regretting that purchase with every body-doubling wretch. Stick to the Irish Spring, hoss.