Tim Love and Tequila Take Over Top Chef: Texas

Categories: TV

Also known as the episode in which Padma goes full Pocahontas, complete with faux Indian choker I once bought during a family vacation to Tucson in 1993.
Seven episodes in, and I'm sorry to report that none of the challenges thus far have involved the contestants being forced to shoot their own horses and grill them over a fire of cactus paddles. What is this, Bravo? Amateur hour? THAT'S RATINGS GOLD.

On a more positive note, the show has continued the positive trend set by last week's episode with guest judge Dean Fearing. Another pre-eminent Texas chef is featured tonight: Tim Love, of Fort Worth's Lonesome Dove. Eater Dallas predicted earlier today that "his Top Chef Texas appearance will effectively erase the embarrassment experienced by the metroplex thanks to the Highland Park progressive dinner episode."

All I know is that I love the batshit crazy show that comes on before Top Chef, because every time I tune in to Bravo and catch the last few minutes of it, some "artist" (?) with crazy eyes is literally weeping and rending the clothes they stole from unattended dressing rooms on the set of Glee -- even the judges! Why can't Padma display this level of emotion? Or anything even approaching it? It's almost the level of crazy I want to see from Top Chef, although I know a show with OCD-level plugs for the Toyota! Sienna! probably has to maintain some sort of Thorazine-drugged affect in order better align itself with the Sienna's core customer base.

Moving on...

Colicchio's men are on a spree!
Starting right where the last episode left off, the contestants -- nicknaming themselves the Dirty Dozen at this point -- get drunk back at the house, although Fernet is still suspiciously absent from all of these gatherings so far. Not looking even remotely hungover the next day, they walk into the kitchen and see Tim Love amidst a sea of tequila bottles. There's a joke in there somewhere, but Padma's dull gaze has lulled me into complacency.

The Quickfire challenge involves cooking a dish to pair with one of the Don Julio tequilas (which I don't have a problem hawking here too, since it ain't bad stuff). None of these humorless motherfuckers are making any tacky tequila shot jokes, though, and are being all professional about the stuff, talking about it as "a vehicle for all these different flavors." And suddenly I'm disappointed in myself for being bored by someone's professionalism.

Oh, gee. Beverly makes something Asian again. Unsurprisingly, she wins nothing. Tylor does, on the other hand, neatly bookending his earlier interview -- just, like, 10 minutes earlier in the episode; this isn't Tolkien -- in which he complained of always being in the bottom three. Welp, that ties that up neatly!


And then - BAM. Just like that Bravo pulls out the big guns: An arsenal of big-name chefs as judges, including Houston's very own Bryan Caswell and two dudes from Animal House Animal in Los Angeles. Bravo ups the ante even more by making the contestants themselves judges, tasked with eliminating each other at the end. With their balls sufficiently sucked up into their body cavities, the contestants hit the grocery store to pick up their ingredients for the wild game feast ahead.

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Terry Alexander
Terry Alexander

I watched last night. Meh. I understand Katharine's article now. It was nice to see some Texas love without any stereotyping going on this time around.

As usual Heather proved why she needs the Mother of all Bitch slaps. Too bad she wasn't paired up with Nyesha. I think that girl is about the only one in the group that could go toe to toe with her. Sadly we will never find out.

Oh Tom, once again, how was that venison cooked? "Really, Really Undercooked." OK just making sure I heard right the other 10 times you said it.

No blood this time but an overabundance of tears. I like blood better.

Oh well I may play my drinking game next week. After all we will be in Austin. I wonder who will they drag out there? Jesse James needs some more TV time.

I predict a food truck episode soon.TA


So just what is up with the lack of Fernet? You tell me those chefs are drinking Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio & Shiner Bock and not conspiring a coup d'état on the producers? Maybe THAT'S why Heather is a nasty piece of work.

Ms. Pants
Ms. Pants

I used to love "Top Chef."  Wouldn't miss an episode, often watched them more than once, sometimes in the same night. 

Last night, I went to bed before they finished serving the game meals.  I was that bored.

I think the Magical Elves blew their Magical Wads on last season's All Star Challenge. 

Terry Alexander
Terry Alexander

As usual, I don't get to watch until tonight. This recap doesn't make me wet my pants with anticipation like past one's have. I can feel the boredom setting in, Katharine. You seemed to have more passion writing about the artist show than the cooking show. I say next week you liven things up a little. I propose you buy a bottle of something and play a little game while watching. Every time we see human blood - Shot. Every time someone cries - Shot. Everytime Hughnibrow raises said attributes - Shot. Everytime Heather bitches on someone - Shot. Everytime we think to ourselves - No Fucking Way - Shot.

That make things more enjoyable and make for a pretty good buzz at the end of the night.TA


Here's what I don't get.  Heather and Beverly both work in Chicago.  Has Heather thought that maybe, just maybe, her actions and the editing on the show may portray her in a negative light to her fellow Chicago chefs?  I know that Chicago's not as collegial a city for chefs as Houston, but seriously - tone it down a bit and quit saying on Twitter "I call it like I see it."  It makes you look even worse.

Anamaris Cousins
Anamaris Cousins

ugh! I just got through watching this, this, what was this again? Who knew Texas-themed could be THIS boring?  Glad Tylor got some cash. Still want someone to sock Heather and push her under her own damn bus. Bitch annoying me. Tired of The Weeper, aka Beverly. Truly upset that Nyesha is gone, I was really hoping she'd make it to the last 4.

I must've upset the Bravo Gods, cuz their Karma keeps Bev-ther in my midst. Bitches.


Also, most of my fave episodes of "The Office"?  Written by Mindy Kaling.  And Subtle Sexuality may be the best ironic girl group EVER.  PLUS!  She's Princess Buttercup in a live reading of "The Princess Bride" tonight in LA.  In other words, Mindy Kaling can do no wrong in my eyes.

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