The 5 Worst Places to Take a First Date

Categories: Top Five

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When in doubt, let Justin Bieber be a living cautionary tale: If he takes his girlfriend to a place, don't take your date there.
Looking for a great place to take a first date? There are plenty of lists out there. Hell, we've even got a few of our own. Looking for a great place to break up? We've got that too.

But what you might need just as bad is a list of places not to take that first date of yours. Dinner theater goes without saying; you never want to take a first date to a place where you're held captive for hours on end, with little chance of even speaking to each other. Ideally, you want to keep these first dates casual and fairly short on the timeframe; maybe coffee at a cute cafe, or drinks at a place like Barcadia, where you can always play a few rounds of Skeeball until the initial awkardness passes. And if the date goes well? Take it on to dinner afterward, or plan a fancy dinner for the next available weekend.

These places, however, should never come under your consideration ever. Ever ever ever. Seriously: EVER.

5. Hooters / Twin Peaks

This goes without saying. No girl wants to be upstaged by other girls' breasts and thighs all night long, no matter how good the wings are. And what does it say about you, as a gentleman, that you'd rather gaze at other women's parts all evening instead of getting to know the lovely lass you invited on this date?

4. Golden Corral / Ryan's Steakhouse

I don't care about the commercials proclaiming Golden Corral to be as nice as "going to a wedding without dressing up." (Yes, those same commercials promoting the horrifying new Chocolate Wonderfall that you know is probably never cleaned and contains pacifiers, Legos, various bodily fluids and decomposing marshmallows.) And I don't care that Ryan's contains the misleading "Steakhouse" nomenclature in its title. Neither of these are acceptable forms of dining at any time, especially for a first date.

3. Cheesecake Factory / Grand Lux

When you take a first date to either of these dizzyingly over-the-top food emporiums, you are essentially telling him/her: "This is as nice as it gets, sugar. Hope you enjoy, because it's all going to be downhill from here." The only exception to this rule is if you're in high school and your parents gave you an unwanted gift card they got from the office football pool. That's it.

2. Chuck E. Cheese / Lupe Tortilla

Unless one of both of you have screaming, squirming toddlers to bring along, child-centric, sandbox-oriented, animatronic-character-focused places are a definite no. Want to be hip and ironic? Or just want to play silly video games? Then head to a place like Barcadia (as previously mentioned) or -- even better -- make a date at Joystix. Never heard of it? TREAT YO SELF.

1. Luby's / Cleburne

Are you 75 years old? Did you meet your date at the Bunko game hosted by your assisted living community? Were you set up by the elderly care ministry at your church? Do you get hungry for dinner at 4 p.m.? Are your well-meaning but misguided children attempting to find a new mother for their widowed father? All of these are the only reasons you should be first-dating at Luby's, Cleburne or any other cafeteria. Otherwise, save the hot mac-n-cheese dates for when you get to know each other a little better. If you're like me, you'll end up spending one of the best New Year's Eve dinners of your life at Luby's with a man who'd rather enjoy fried okra and silliness instead of fancy galas and champagne. Just...not on a first date.



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26 comments
StinkyMcNasty
StinkyMcNasty

Um, Chilis, Olive Garden, Outback. The holy trinity of first-date no-no's. 

Melissa Murphree
Melissa Murphree

Is it strange that I went to 4 out of 5 of these places for company functions? You would think it would be easy to figure out which one I didn't go to with my company. But no.... we didn't go to Golden Corral or Ryan's Steakhouse. We DID however go to Hooter's.

Purdyshotguns
Purdyshotguns

Very good! Just shot water through my nose. Which reminds me of another place: her parent's house.

Helen
Helen

Best bet for a first date:

Meet for coffee or drinks at low key place where you can hear each other talk (Anvil is right out). This goes times a bazillion for first dates you found by trolling internet dating sites. If your date is a dud, you can bail after a drink. If things are going well, you can move the party elsewhere. The amount of time spent obessing over picking just the right spot almost always seems inversely proportional to the amount of time you end up wanting to actually spend with that person.

Sarah Rufca
Sarah Rufca

I think Luby's would be kind of hilarious for a first date, but I'm also weird.

Jamie_M
Jamie_M

If he took me to Lubys...uh no...but I love Cleburne's! And Lupe's. Mine got rid of their sandbox a long time ago. :) All the others I totally agree with. Hate buffetts!

AwesomeMargie
AwesomeMargie

TREAT YO SELF!Ben eating a cup of soup all by his lonesome (Keanu?) and then getting "kidnapped" was outstanding.

Kyle
Kyle

Good choices: Reef, La Carafe, Anvil, Leon's, Nouveau, Moon Tower Inn (3 month Rest In Peace), Poison Girl.

JB
JB

Lola's.

Scott Lynch
Scott Lynch

Wife and I had our first date at Outback Steakhouse. I didn't know any better, that's my excuse. ;)

Dr Love
Dr Love

Hey, Marfreless is a great first date! How are you supposed to fingerbang a chick at Starbucks?

Albert Nurick
Albert Nurick

I suggest waiting until the third date to go to Marfreless.  Shows class.

trisch
trisch

I had a first date at McDonald's once.  It was actually a double date.  And when it still seemed to be going well after the burgers were served, the guys cleared us out of there and moved the party to La Strada. Apparently, we had survived the test.

William Philpot
William Philpot

Poison Girl is a great choice, long as you're in one car. My experience with Poison Girl always includes parking nightmares.

H_e_x
H_e_x

Did moon tower inn close?

suckle my knuckle
suckle my knuckle

yes: La Carafe

no: Reef – too loud, too pretentious

hell-to-the-no: Anvil – see Reef

Wyatt
Wyatt

Is an excellent choice, yes

Bruce R
Bruce R

Hey, you bagged her, so it all turned out fine. Or did it?

Katharine Shilcutt
Katharine Shilcutt

Depends...were you in a small town when this occurred? Were you in your late teens/early 20s?

Helen
Helen

My boyfriend had his work laptop jacked out of his car in the parking lot of Poison Girl on our second date. We were in there 15-20 minutes, tops. Just long enough to grab a beer and figure out what the next stop on the adventure train was going to be. Not the bar's fault, obviously. It's actually a great first date spot (provided you can find parking and no one breaks into your car).

PattyT
PattyT

They will be closing this coming Monday for three months (to rebuild).

Biker
Biker

Gawd, again with the Reef and Anvil hate.  Why you always be hatin on these places??  It's so boring.

Kyle
Kyle

Reef is semi-loud (depends what night you go), but not pretentious. The biggest draw, though, is the excellent wine list at extremely fair prices.

Scott Lynch
Scott Lynch

Well, this was Houston, so no, I can't use that excuse. As far as age... I was... 24 (so, 12 years ago), I guess. I grew up as an incredibly picky eater in a household where we didn't really eat out much, as did she. We'd both been to Outback together with some friends previously (before we were dating), so I knew it was a place she liked at least.

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