Five Worst Foods to Eat in (or Before) Bed

Photo by toxel.com

I recently compiled my list of the best foods to eat in bed, which naturally got me thinking about some of the worst foods to eat in bed. What makes a particular food bad to eat while you're between the sheets? Well, some are messy, and some just mess with your sleep cycle.

You might ask why anyone would eat in bed in the first place--I myself find it morally repugnant, but oh-so-satisfying. It is the ultimate act of lounging/laziness/decadent relaxation, and if you can manage to get someone else to serve you the food, you have entered a sort of vortex of sluggish perfection.

I don't want to eat in bed, but sometimes I just have to, and if you're like me this list might help you avoid some sticky situations.

5. Chocolate

Yes, it's on both lists--so sue me, I'm a complicated lady. Chocolate makes the best list because it's yummy and romantic, and the worst because it is an unfortunate color should an errant piece melt onto the sheets. White chocolate might be a safer bet, or maybe hot cocoa instead? Chocolate is also full of sugar and caffeine, so chowing down on a huge bar of Hershey's before bed is not going to lull you into a deep sleep.

4. Crackers or chips

Crumbs are one thing, but cracker crumbs are all sharp edges. These are the worst things to roll over onto or to grind up against your face. The same goes for potato chips, and forget about the flavored brands. Who wants a pillow that smells like Cool Ranch Doritos? Gross.

This is the "before". Trust.

3.Ice cream

Trust me, I have years of experience. Eating ice cream before bed seems like a great idea--it's so yummy and creamy and happiness-inducing. But the sugar will race through your brain while you just lie there, wondering where it all went wrong. On my best-foods-to-eat-before-bed list, I included yogurt with fruit and cereal, and I think if you choose a rich, protein-packed version like Greek yogurt you will get the dessert qualities without the sleep-preventing sugar high.

2.Pizza

Pizza does not work in bed, in any situation. Are you sick? You shouldn't be eating pizza, you should be eating soup. Are you trying to fall asleep? Greasy, fatty, salty pizza is not going to help you. Is it sexy time? Pizza is not a sexy food to eat. Exception: cold pizza served as breakfast in bed is acceptable.

1.Spicy food in any form

They don't want to hurt you, but it's their destiny.

Listen, once you get into bed, whatever is about to happen, whatever you hope is about to happen, is not going to be improved by hot, spicy food that wreaks havoc on your breath and/or your digestive tract and/or causes sleep-interrupting agita. Take a cue from Nancy Reagan and just say no--to pepperoni, to spicy nachos, to hot pepperoncini, to spicy tortilla soup. Take all the drugs you want, but let yourself rest/get better/get laid by choosing something a little easier on the gut.

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