Top 5 Celebrity Chefs I Wish Would Relocate to Mars

Categories: Top Five

rachel-mars.jpg
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It does not surprise me that people who cook well become popular. What shocks me is that many of these people remain famous even after revealing their less savory personalities and sometimes substandard skills. Here are five celebrity chefs I hope take their "talents" to another planet.

5. Rachael Ray. I know, I know. It's so easy to hate on Rachael Ray....so I will! I find her unnecessary acronyms (EVOO) nauseating, I'm sick of hearing about how her husband just LOVES her spaghetti carbonara, and I think most of her dishes taste eerily alike. The only thing more ill-conceived than her bland thirty-minute meals is her talkshow.

4. Sandra Lee. I appreciate the idea of "semi-homemade" cuisine in theory as most of us have neither the time nor the skills to mill our own wheat or churn our own butter. Sandra, however, takes this admirable concept to the extreme all too often (e.g. the notorious Kwanzaa cake and this bizarro twice-cooked chicken soup). Her hodge-podge, minimal effort recipes only encourage the lazy ass in all of us and the consumption of processed food. It's the last thing Americans need.

3. Bethenny Frankel. How does creating a "skinny" (re: non-intoxicating and non-refreshing) margarita suddenly give one credence as a chef? In addition to encouraging eating disorders with her "taste everything, eat nothing" mantra, Frankel has also gifted the world with a line of high-fiber, low calorie, and, as far as I can taste, flavor-free line of baked goods that rival laxatives in ability to cramp your stomach and cleanse your colon.

2. Guy Fieri. My beef with Fieri is probably actually with his hairdresser, who I will assume is under some mind-altering drug each time he willingly refrosts Guy's spiky locks. And while I have no objections to a rotund chef (I heart you, Mario Batelli), there is something about Fieri's red bloated face that makes me completely lose my appetite, especially when he's chowing down with his mouth open on some overly greasy diner sandwich.

1. Bobby Flay. "Throwdown with Bobby Flay" involves some of the most obnoxious confrontations on television (and, yes, I've seen the Real Housewives and Crossfire). Why am I supposed to cheer for a man who dupes unsuspecting (and often elderly and/or adorable) low-profile chefs into thinking they are the subject of a Food Network special only to ambush them in front of their family and friends and challenge to a cook-off involving their most famous dish? Flay may confine himself to grilling and southwestern cuisine, but his ego knows no bounds.



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58 comments
Candice Matheny
Candice Matheny

I'm going to say the barefoot contessa after she TWICE REFUSED to meet the make a wish child with cancer. are you KIDDING me, lady?!http://www.aoltv.com/2011/03/2...

Danton
Danton

My top five are all chicks, sorry.

5. Sandra- She decorates better than she cooks... lol.

4. Giada- Shark mouth. She cooks nasty food and try's to make it seem delicious, I tried a few of her main course meals and they were disgusting! Her desserts seem to be the only thing that she "knows" how to do.

3. Rachel Ray- She is a suck up. Rachel is too afraid to do a meal outside of burgers.. blah

2. Anne Burrell- No Offence but.. is she gay? Her attitude sucks on worst cooks but I like her cooking techniques on Restuarant Secrets.

1. Nadia G- OH MY GOSH, she beat Anne Burrell to the number 1 spot... that's saying something!

ann
ann

You miss the point. Most people don't know how to cook, so if a Food TV star teaches them to make something their friends and family enjoy, who cares? If it's edible, let's eat!

Jeff
Jeff

What happened to that other guy from Grillin' and Chillin'?  I wish they'd bring him back.

Montrosian
Montrosian

I'll admit.  I really like Ina Garten and have adapted some of her recipes.  But you are right on that "Texas" chili.  She doesn't like cilantro so she thought basil would be an ok subsitute. NOT.  But I forgive her.Nadia G. on Bitchin' Kitchen is supremely annoying. She does have one saving grace. She manages to turn out some interesting food while keeping up a patter consistent with her theme and usually turned out in some interesting drag. Only good for 5 minutes of watch time though.Food Network is obsessed with perky hosts (hard to call them chefs) to their detriment. I'm sure the Neelys are nice people but dang their Southern chatter is annoying.I'm shocked at all the hatin' on Giada. Her food is good and her banter is not annoying.  You can even forgive all of the Southern California perfect lifestyle backdrops in the show.I'm surprised no one dogged that 30 minute "infomercial" thinly disguised as a food show on the Cooking Channel for...General Mills or Nabisco or Betty Crocker or whatever.  I hate that show and I wish Cooking Channel didn't need the money which all of that product placement must bring.Anyone ever notice how often Guy Fieri manages to annoy the restaurant owners when he visits? You can see that look in their eye. "The exposure is worth his annoying presence" like a mantra they keep thinking over and over.Was really wondering when someone would finally flag the most annoying food show hosts! Finally a top 5 list I can sink my teeth into! 

Schneiderkitchens
Schneiderkitchens

I really like Bobby Flay and totally agree with you about his throw down show. I find it insensitive and insulting to the contestants and the challenger.

Ed T.
Ed T.

In that case, take it up with the VP of Programming at TFN.

Guest
Guest

Does anybody really think Throwdown is unplanned? Really?

Jennifer
Jennifer

I once caught Ray Ray making mac and cheese with hot dogs in it on her show.  Which is fine EXCEPT WHEN YOU HAVE A COOKING SHOW YOU SHOULD REALLY TRY A LITTLE HARDER THAN THAT.  I ate my share of hot dogs and mac and cheese in my childhood but my mom isn't on a TV show about cooking.

intelligentlady
intelligentlady

My thoughts exactly.  Guy Fieri has grossed me out from the first time I saw him (sunglasses on the back of his head, really?) stuff some oversized, oozing, horribly unattractive food item into his equally oversized unattractive mouth.

H_e_x
H_e_x

On channel 225, the one that shows the original Iron Chef, there are these Brooklyn hipsters who make crap with power tools and such. Annoying twee hipster bullshit in the vein of Bitchin Kitchen. 

white African American
white African American

Cooking Channel. (232 on DTV). Food Jammers. I like it. and I'm not a hipster.

H_e_x
H_e_x

Hmm, sure you aren't...

JT
JT

you are all right - everyone the best responses on EOW to date. i watch them all and think the same as you. wow. 

FattyFatBastard
FattyFatBastard

Guy Fieri as a food reviewer is attrocious.  I've gone to some of his recommended places and was incredibly underwhelmed.  Guy Fieri as a chef is a whole different ball game.  I've made a few of his recipes and they were home runs.  Look up his jambalaya sandwich and try it out.  You won't be disappointed.

Clumsy Plumsy
Clumsy Plumsy

I doubt he chooses which restaurants they visit (and once they've already started filming, he's probably not going to say anything bad about them). I also question how many celebrity chef recipes are their own (hey, I'm cynical).

Corey
Corey

#1 Raspy Ray needs to lay off the cigarettes, bourbon, and stop talking for a year or two.#2 Sandra Lee I couldn't give 2 cents for your overly analytical boring store bought crap, much less only .38 cents a serving.#3 Gets a pass for my personal ignorance alone.#4 Guy needs to go back to his theme restaurant, and pick a realistic hair color.#5 Is a douche, Bobby Fray lost my respect jumping up on the cutting board in Iron Chef, like the uncouth ass he his. His gussying up Tex-Mex classics are nothing short of a travesty, so what your wife is from Texas, doesn't mean you know good Tex-Mex, don't even get me started on his inflated sense of self importance.. 

Bruce R
Bruce R

You're wrong about Flay.  And do you really think he's trying to knock off Tex-Mex? 

H_e_x
H_e_x

Bobby Flay in the anti-Christ.

Corey
Corey

Cooking Channel Saturday morning, TexMex breakfast ala Flay.. I'm wrong about Flay?!?!  He goes to simple homestyle places and tries to show up the other chef/owner/whatever, and in large part just to satiate his own ego.  No thanks I'll take a pass on that red headed step child..

Ed T.
Ed T.

You folks ARE being sarcastic, right!? Because, it is pretty obvious to anyone with three functioning synapses that Bobby Flay isn't doing this for his own ego - especially given his win/loss ratio on this show. This show is very much the brainchild of some programming drone (or even worse, a committee of same) at TFN.

bisken & chickets
bisken & chickets

is Flay a douche? Possibly... but as a "celebrity chef," he's got the right combination of cooking chops and TV personality. Is he a legit culinary heavyweight? Certainly not. But I'd probably rather eat his food than the vast majority of others featured on Food Network. So in the realm of celebrity chefs, you could do much worse that Flay.

Jim Robinson
Jim Robinson

I'm suddenly realizing that I can't stand to listen to the voices of most of the Food Network cooks and typically put on sub-titles and sound off. Paula Deen especially with her stupid y'all this and y'all that.

Jamie_M
Jamie_M

Ina Gartner. So annoying. Period.

Ed T.
Ed T.

Totally agreed. I think she should join "Real Housewives of New York" so that Therese Odell can start mocking her on a regular basis.

autumn
autumn

dude, i've only seen barefoot contessa once but she had this lady from nyc on to make "texas chili" and it was godawful. bell peppers, beans, big hunks of meat. those ladies had no idea what they were talking about.

Ali
Ali

That dude on Meat and Potatoes. Ram Faamma or some shit. He's so annoying. He's like a super-nerd on crack. And I hate that he plops down with random folk eating at the restaurant and pretends to care what they think about food. His only plus with me is that he focused on 3 Houston restaurants this season. But I still want to flick him when he speaks.

big red
big red

If Sandra Lee left, the earth would be without one of the greatest sets of boobs in TV history. Man, does she make a V-neck blouse look great. And, about Giada, how can you trust an Italian chef who is that skinny?

Jim Ayres
Jim Ayres

It's within the realm of possibility that Sandra Lee could someday be First Lady of the United States. Her boobs aren't going anywhere yet.

SirRon
SirRon

When Giada turns sideways, she's just a giant floating set of head and boobs.

SirRon
SirRon

Is Bethenny Frankel really a celebrity chef, or is she a cookbook (co)author?

Rachael Ray is sneaky hot and therefore must not be relocated.

Bruce R
Bruce R

Rachael Ray is about as hot as Rosie O'Donnell.  Actually, make that Kirstie Alley.

SirRon
SirRon

Bruce, since you brought it up, which would you do if you had to choose? Rosie or Kirstie?

Bruce R
Bruce R

Excellent question.  The correct answer is clearly Kirstie.

Cheflambo
Cheflambo

Bethenny Frankel isn't a chef, merely an overexposed celebrity who doesn't realize her 15 minutes were up long ago.  Nadia on Bitchin Kitchen is at least entertaining -- who even notices her food? 

randy rucker
randy rucker

"with all do respect"....and remember i said "all do respect" you my lady are not a "chef" either....

Anonymous
Anonymous

Pretty sure he was just trying to "outdue" the prior malapropism regarding "passing mustard". Unless I "misunderestimated" him.

Cheflambo
Cheflambo

You are correct ... Im not a chef.  Not pretending to be one.  Not asking for 30 minutes on Food Network or Cooking Channel for the chance to share my clevage and recipes with the world.  Its not about me. 

I am, also, agreeing with SirRon (who probably hasn't been knighted by any queen) -- why IS Bethanny Frankel even on this list?

Mister Kay
Mister Kay

Randy, it's " With all DUE respect". Guessed you missed English classes in HS.

SirRon
SirRon

If Bethenny isn't a chef, then why is she on a list of celebrity chefs? Incidentally, I'm also the worst NBA player.

Joanna
Joanna

Actually, SirRon, the grand plan is that you would follow her...

SirRon
SirRon

... but then I'd miss out on all these awesome Top 5s ;)

Joanna
Joanna

...true. More to come, more to come...

Tdorsey
Tdorsey

Agree entirely.  "EVOO" has made my skin crawl since the first time I heard it.   In his defense, Guy Fieri does travel to some pretty interesting joints that seem to serve some facinating dishes. Did you forget Nadia G on Bitchin' Kitchen, or does she pass mustard with you.  

Caroline
Caroline

"Pass mustard" is really making me smile as one of the most fitting malapropisms that could be used on a foodie thread. 

Joanna
Joanna

I have never seen Bitchin' Kitchen. Clearly, though, I should. Will report back. In the meantime, please expound on her annoying qualities...

Francesco Orodinapoli
Francesco Orodinapoli

One of the happiest days of my life was when I saw all of Rachael Ray's stupid EVOO oilve oil moved to the close-out section of not one but two stores here in Houston.

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