Veals on Wheels: Rejected Food Truck Names

Photo illustrations by Monica Fuentes

Scream louder; the clown says your parents will never hear you.

Last week, assistant music editor Craig Hlavaty amused the entire office by forwarding a link to Filmdrunk's recent post, "Ideas for Movie-Themed Food Trucks." On the front page was the Photoshopped image of a "Hunan Centipede" food truck that haunted us all for days.

Talk about a rejected food truck name.

Later that week, I bantered with fellow staff writer Craig Malisow about more "rejected food truck names," coming up with some pretty lame ideas: Hot Dogs-n-Cats, Corn on the Cholera. Malisow suggested Hit 'n' Run and was chagrined when I told him that there's already a Hit 'n' Run food truck in Houston, advertising -- you guessed it -- "killer street food."

Undaunted, we came up with a list of more rejected food truck names -- well, mostly Malisow did -- for any future Houston food trucks who, like Hit 'n' Run, really want to take it that extra mile.

I Scream: Staffed entirely by paroled child molesters dressed as Pennywise the Clown. Try the John Wayne Ga-sundae with extra nuts.

Mutton Honey: Chik-Fil-A and McDonald's have their honey chicken biscuits; this breakfast-time food truck has honey mutton biscuits that come in their own wool containers.

The Upchuck Wagon: Food that's guaranteed to make you vomit, or your money back. Try a glass of refreshing ipecac to speed the process along.

The Donner Dinner Party: Be the ultimate food adventurer and trump all your friends by eating human flesh. Try the Albert Fish sandwich or the South American-inspired Andes Men-t for dessert.