Top Five "Non-Bro" Sports Bars

Categories: Top Five

popped-collars.jpg
thesegoto11.wordpress.com
Upturned collar, one of the classic indicators you might be a bro
From the response I got to the question "What is your favorite 'non-dude / non-bro' or 'douchebag-free' place to watch sports in Houston?" on Facebook, it would seem that a sans-bro sports bar is something of an oxymoron, the majority of responses falling somewhere along the lines of "in my living room" or "on my couch."

Then again, there could be some confusion about the meaning of the word "bro." Bro is not a euphemism for those with a Y chromosome, as finding a sports bar entirely devoid of men would be damn-near impossible and not nearly as enjoyable (for me, at least). The "bros" referred to in this article are defined by Urban Dictionary as:

An alpha male idiot...white, 16-25 years old, inarticulate, belligerent, talks about nothing but chicks and beer, drives a jacked up truck that's plastered with stickers, has rich dad that owns a dealership or construction business and constantly tells this to chicks at parties...identifies excessively with brand names, spends a female amount of money on clothes and obsesses over his appearance to a degree that is not socially acceptable for a heterosexual male.

Luckily, bros have specific behavior patterns that make avoiding them relatively easy. They usually travel in packs, gravitating toward the newest bars in whatever the neighborhood of the moment may be (think Sawyer Park, Lucky's, and Pub Fiction). For bro-opposers looking to grab a beer and watch the game, avoid locations with an ungodly number of flat-screen TVs, and establishments where the waitresses' attire could be described as "Hooter-ific," a few of my "no bro" suggestions are listed below.

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5. Big Woodrow's
Houston has always been home to a sizable number of New Orleans sports fans, even more so now since the population influx following Hurricane Katrina. Bayou City fans of the Saints call themselves the "Hou-Dats," and their headquarters is Big Woodrow's on Chimney Rock. And fans of the black and gold tend to be as lively and fun as the city from which they came, a contributing factor to the easy-going atmosphere at the bar. While Big Woodrow's hosts several annual events with a high potential to attract mass quantities of bros (like a Pregnant Bikini Contets and the annual Redneck Games), their outer loop address tends to draw a slightly older, more diverse crowd with a serious passion for sports, both local and Crescent City variety.

4. Kenneally's Irish Pub
You'd be hard pressed to find a more devoted Rockets fan than Kenneally's owner John Flowers. If there's a game being played, it will be on in the bar, along with a faithful gathering of regulars. While it's more Irish pub than sports bar, Flowers's unconditional love of the team is infectious, making it one of the best places to watch hometown basketball, even despite the absence of high-tech audio visual amenities. Not to mention the fact that I lay awake some nights fantasizing about their signature thin-crust pizza, truly some of the city's best.

3. PJ's
Of all the bars on this list, PJ's is by far the biggest dive. The walls are plastered with a menagerie of dated sports memorabilia and the furniture seems to be a collection of whatever they could find. Sure, it's a great place to watch a game, but what sets PJ's apart is the warm, family-like atmosphere. It is, after all, a renovated old house, and a neighborhood bar in the most literal sense of the word -- many of the patrons live, or once lived, in the surrounding area. Owner PJ Maestro loves his regulars, and if you go often enough you're likely to be greeted at the bar by name, and get your birthday posted on their website.

Location Info

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Christian's Tailgate Grill & Bar

7340 Washington, Houston, TX

Category: Restaurant

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33 comments
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mojeaux
mojeaux

First off, nice writting. Do you actually go to any of these bars on a regular basis? Having someone say hi to you is not getting hit on we are not in New York or Dallas. All the bars you listed definately have their great points but, I would have to have visited any of them several times to make a negative judgment.

Droc
Droc

Griff's for the win.... Seriously, this list should be just Griff's. And TK's is just for Cubs fans... No self respecting fan of any other MLB team goes there....

csoakley
csoakley

Droc, you say this like the Astros are a team that actually has any self respect.

Fatty FatBastard
Fatty FatBastard

Ugh.  I simply don't get how people can hate on freaking sports bars.  I've been to all on this list except PJ's, but I enjoy the hell out of Pub Fiction, Sawyer Park and Lucky's.  I even go to Velvet Melvin more than I'd care to admit.  I like sports regardless of the venue.  In fact, the more folks there, the better!  And my crew watched every Rockets playoff game in the 90's at Marquis II in West U.  This whole "douchebag" thing has gotten really old, hipsters.  Relax and enjoy the game without worrying about who is sitting at the table beside you.

I go to bars to drink.
I go to bars to drink.

If you "enjoy the hell out of" those places, then do us a favor and keep your pretentious, loudmouthed, back-slapping, hairgelled, clueless ass - and your "crew" - away from PJs, "Bro."

Fatty FatBastard
Fatty FatBastard

Ah, the internet tough guy.  The only one who sounds pretentious, loud-mouthed and clueless is you.  Move to Portland.  It sounds to be the place for folks like you.  Sorry you were picked on as a kid.

Guest
Guest

portland? WTF?

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

I see your point FFB, but then again, from a female perspective it is so much nicer to watch a game without some dude hitting on you and then recoiling in horror when he finds out you're over 30. 

Fatty FatBastard
Fatty FatBastard

Vs. getting hit on by a guy that nicknamed his last good tooth "ol' chomper?"  Six in one hand, half-dozen in the other...

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

Actually, my boyfriend's one good tooth is nicknamed "chip", thank you very much ;)

SirRon
SirRon

I've never been hit on at Nick's Place. Just sayin'. :)

SirRon
SirRon

Nick's Place on Rockyridge and Westheimer is a glaring omission... IMO.

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

Actually, that was one of my considerations, especially for folks that are fans of teams from up North. 

SirRon
SirRon

Just wondering... why the "teams from up North" constraint? Nick's is as local as it gets.

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

I was thinking of the Nick's on Wilcrest (the Northern team one). Nick's on Rocky Ridge is good too (and home of the 1 lb "Cabilnasian Calzone")

Jeff
Jeff

I like Nick's a lot and I don't really care for sports bars.

organic birch
organic birch

keneally's and woodrows are terrible selections for this article. both are toolboxes

CyberGrump
CyberGrump

Christians Tailgate in the Heights is still in it soft opening stage, the kitchen still isn't sorted out, the wait staff still has trouble remembering the menu and which table is which.  This article smells more of paid advertisement than a true guide to cool anti-Sawyer Parks venues in which to watch a game.  Which BTW tend to be you local watering hole where your buddies hang.

Alex Jones
Alex Jones

CONSPIRACY THEORISTS UNITE!!!!

"This article smells more of paid advertisement"

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

I can assure you, advertising had nothing to do with this, or anything else that comes out of the editorial department at HP. You'd have a hard time arguing this point considering that a few of the sports bars I often see running full page ads are not on this list. 

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

Paid advertisement? Sorry, not following you there... And my buddies hang at Sawyer Park - huh? Who are these mystery friends? 

Jeff
Jeff

Technically, the one on Washington and I-10 is in the Heights as well and has been a popular sports hang for people and sports radio events for quite some time now.

Jeff
Jeff

Sorry, forgot to mention that the one mentioned in the article is the original, not the new one in the Heights.

sunflower seed
sunflower seed

i stopped by the new Christian's saturday night to pick up a to-go order. it's clearly already on the path to becoming a douche-a-rama

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

There are technically two locations in the Heights. I was referring to the original at 7340 Washington Ave and I-10, not the new one on White Oak. 

Steve
Steve

If 'inside the loop, somewhere off of I-10' = 'the Heights' then you're correct. But you're not.

Kelli
Kelli

Cahill's isn't bad either and they have a killer steak night on Wednesdays.

csoakley
csoakley

I don't normally watch baseball. But when I do, I prefer TK Bitterman's.

csoakley
csoakley

But for football it's Griff's all the way. I love that place, I'm just afraid I'm going to fall through the floor at any moment. That element of danger makes watching the game that much more exciting.

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