Suggestive Restaurants to Get You in the Mood This Valentine's Day

Categories: Local Spotlight

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The big red cock itself.
On the way to Jimmy Changas a few weeks ago, my dining companion and I passed a country-cute little restaurant in Deer Park called Jug and Muffin. Aside from reminding me that I still want to open a pub some day called The Honk and Jiggle, we couldn't stop giggling to ourselves at the name.

Jug. Muffin. We repeated them ad nauseum, sounding more like Beavis and Butt-head with each juvenile sputtering. Classy, ain't we?

Music writer Craig Hlavaty ran into a similar issue when he was first checking out Jackson's Watering Hole for our bar listings. Hlavaty and our editorial assistant were nearly kicked out of the place for making fun of the name -- to themselves, I might add -- by calling it "Michael Jackson's Hole" and riffing on variations of it over beers. The owner didn't take too kindly to this, but the boys patched things up and I hear they're all great friends now.

No matter how old you get or how civilized you think you are, there are just some phrases that will make you do a double-take or laugh inappropriately. No matter what the occasion. Even if it's a charity event. Ahem.

Below are the five restaurant names that we can't say with a straight face. But maybe making Valentine's Day plans at one of these joints will put you or your date in an amorous mood. After all, who doesn't love BJs on V-Day?

Note: Places with deliberately, desperately suggestive names that hint at the bounty of bosoms within -- i.e., the Hooters and Twin Peaks of the world -- have been left off.

Honorable Mention: Beaver's

Yes, it's been mentioned to death. Even my grandmother gets that this is dirty. But the phrase "eating at Beaver's" never quite gets old.

5. Beef and Bun

This old-school barbecue joint has the added bonus of being located on Fuqua, if you really want to get puerile. (Hint: It's not pronounced "Fuck-ya," as I once made the mistake of assuming when I was eight years old...in front of my mother.)

4. Jug & Muffin

Perhaps two less obvious synonyms for a woman's lady-parts could have been chosen. I'm just saying. Even Mug & Muffin would have been more appropriate here, in what seems like a perfectly nice olde-timey breakfast and lunch place.

3. BRC (Big Red Cock) Gastropub

Does anything else need to be said about this one?


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18 comments
beef and grog
beef and grog

So ridiculous....but you know there's something for everybody...My best friend used to call Steak & Ale the Beef & Grog....classy....

Jeff
Jeff

I drove past BJ's last week and chuckled out loud. My girlfriend just shook her head.

obbop
obbop

I assume the sign creator was grammar impaired when I chap named Dick opened a liquor store name after himself and the possessive proving aspect of "Dick's" was omitted.

If unable to comprehend that envision the large sign facing the heavily-traveled street in the rather rough section of town;

Dick Liquor

Interestingly, in an area with rampant graffiti and tagging that sign was never disturbed.

Maybe there WAS a method to the sign-maker's "madness."

abrahán
abrahán

the only Beef and Bun i know is on Long Point.

gitchigumi
gitchigumi

In Salem, MA there is a liquor store called Bunghole Liquors.

Anon
Anon

There's the Squat and Gobble in San Francisco...

CrazyAirman
CrazyAirman

More like 4th graders. Way beyond juvenile....

DrBear
DrBear

I'm glad you're letting high school sophomores get some experience by writing for you.

TJ
TJ

Beef and Bun B??

gitchigumi
gitchigumi

On Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri there is Big Dicks Halfway Inn I'd give you the address but I'm afraid to Google it!

Katy
Katy

There WAS a place called “Richard Heads” over on Shepherd, but that closed a few years back. Which is a shame, really, because it could have gotten free publicity for making Katherine’s list…

Ron
Ron

the head food critic wrote this post.

JT
JT

Beef and Bun BBQ!!

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