Top 5 Stinkers

Just don't get too close.

5. Chili Cheese Fritos
How's a breath that smells like the armpits of a thousand construction workers sound? I curse the day this flavor of Fritos was invented, but damn if they aren't delicious. And by no means try to cover up the smell by drinking a soda or eating a sandwich. Its forces are too strong, and only a long brushing of the teeth, gums, and tongue can you even begin to remove the foul scent.

4. Pepperoni
I just had to include a meat on this list, and pepperoni narrowly edged out chorizo. You ever had a kid get right in your grill after devouring four pieces of pepperoni pizza? Now, go to Chuck E. Cheese's and multiply that by 20.

3. Celery
I've come around to really liking celery, but not for its smell. Celery has very limited health benefits, but an unlimited stink factor. Double whammy here--that stink also gets into the pores of your hands. Try carrying around that stench all day. Multiple hand washing are no match. Throw some peanut butter into the mix, and this one could easily top my list.

2. Canned Pasta
This one's a little sneaky. Sure, it makes your breath smell, but the real damage comes about two hours after consumption. You know what I'm talking about--the Chef Boyardee burps. Each one is like eating the meal all over again--great for you, bad for anyone in a ten-foot radius.

1. CornNuts
Wow! There are CornNuts, and then there's the rest of the field. Dubbed The Baron of Bad Breath, CornNuts (any flavor) are best eaten in a confined area--like a car. It's become almost a tradition to stop at Buc-ee's on my trip to Oklahoma City and purchase a bag of CornNuts. I take a sick pleasure in seeing the look on my wife's face as the scent spreads throughout the car. Coincidently, I always feel the need to express my love through a long, passionate kiss right after a bag.