Top 5 Foods that Just Seem Wrong

Categories: Top Five

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larryjh1234
Veal.
5. Chicken served with eggs

I love chicken. I love eggs. I don't love chicken and eggs served together at the same time. Am I alone here, or do others feel that serving something dead at the beginning of life (sort of) and at the end of life just seems wrong? When I go to the Breakfast Klub, I always have to make a tough decision on whether I'm getting the chicken wings and waffles or a delicious omelet because, heaven knows, I can't have both at the same time.

4. Veal

Come here, little baby cow, I'm going to eat you. Let's be clear, this list isn't necessarily things that I refuse to eat, because veal is delicious. Veal cows are essentially the by-product of the dairy industry, since milk companies have little use for the male cows than their female milk "factories" give birth to, and thus, you get your tasty veal parm. Again, I love it, but doesn't it just seem wrong?

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3. Foie Gras

Picture it: There you are, a peaceful little goose roaming around your free-range-world and snatch - Farmer Brown grabs you buy the neck and shoves a feeding tube down your gullet. Just know, little goose, you, sir, are about to become foie gras. Yep, that's the process, folks. While it isn't done that way worldwide, force-feeding in France to fatten up a goose or duck so that the liver is plump and extra fatty is almost law. I am personally not a fan of foie gras, but there are plenty of folks that are, and I plan to find every one of them and stuff a hose filled with food down their throats.

2. Candy cigarettes

Forget about the subtle advertising of big tobacco trying to produce artwork that appeals to youngsters -- why not just get kiddos to pretend they are actually smoking? This is one that doesn't just seem wrong; I am going to go out on a limb and say it is wrong. Contrary to popular belief, they have never been officially banned in the United States. I haven't seen any in stores for years, but if you are a hillbilly and you want to teach your kids to smoke, then grab a case or two.

1. Haggis

When reading the description of haggis, which includes stuff like a sheep heart, lungs and liver, why is it that the ingredient oatmeal grossed me out the most? But this isn't a list of "Top Gross Sounding Foods," this is one about stuff that seems wrong, and what could seem more wrong that stuffing an animal's innards inside its stomach? I'm sure this is the best the culinary wizards in Scotland could come up with; maybe Hannibal Lecter consulted on the recipe preparation. If you think the dish sounds wrong, though, consider what it would be like if Haggis was actually your name.


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25 comments
Nicholas L. Hall
Nicholas L. Hall

SirRon, I appologize (sincerely) if I gave you the impression that I was pissed. That was not the case. I was merely curious as to why you had not responded to that invitation. You are clearly a frequent reader, and you clearly have strong opinions on what you'd like to read. I would have expected you to have responded. That's all. By the way, I totally agree about John. His shit cracks me up, every time.

Kevin Shalin
Kevin Shalin

I once wrote a Top 5 Top 5's. I figured after a year, I could write the Top 5 of the Top 5 Top 5's.

SirRon
SirRon

"Abundance of Top 5 posts" and "quality food blog" don't seem to go together either... not that you asked.

SirRon
SirRon

Chili and beans. Where's my Fatty FatBastard at? Just sayin'.

Guest
Guest

Damned sissy. You need to nut up, and pass me them whale steaks.

Nicholas L. Hall
Nicholas L. Hall

I don't know about chickens and eggs, but I believe that Kosher law has s somewhat similar taboo against eating milk and meat at the same time, and for similar resons. Some interpret this exclusively as a prohibition against eating a particular animal and the milk from that animal's mother in the same meal, and many interpret it as a much broader restriction against milk and meat combos in general terms.

wilf
wilf

"...I plan to find every one of them and stuff a hose filled with food down their throats."Yeah, Oprah already tried that on herself with 30 lbs. of mac-n-cheese. All it did was turn her into "angrier Oprah".

Kyle W
Kyle W

And geese are assholes. You can't really make me feel sorry for them.

Kyle W
Kyle W

There's a Japanese dish called oyakodon, which translates to parent-and-child rice bowl, that has chicken and egg in it.

SirRon
SirRon

Heh. When I say pissed, I meant I don't take my job here at EOW seriously. Just check below any of JSG's occasional steaming piles for confirmation.

I'm sick of using the first person. Im going to either go 3rd from now on or wait for the next Top 5 to litter.

Fatty FatBastard
Fatty FatBastard

This cannot be uttered often enough. Anybody that knows beans about chili knows that chili ain't got no beans!

On another note, I haven't had haggis to my knowledge, but I love me some boudin in natural pig casing.

Kevin Shalin
Kevin Shalin

Well played sir. I hate you, but well played.

Katharine Shilcutt
Katharine Shilcutt

Geese ARE assholes. I have no further comment on that, but they just are.

Also, the 10-year-old me would have told you that you could have my candy cigarettes when you pried them from my tiny, cold, dead hands.

Celestbea
Celestbea

I like your 'just add water' segments about powdered soups and freeze-dried food!Even if you write them without tongue in cheek.

SirRon
SirRon

As a matter of fact, yes. But shouldn't that come from your leader/boss/whatever? I'm just a comment guy. FWIW, your post is fine, entertaining, etc. EOW just has WAY too many of these.

SirRon
SirRon

Hate is a strong word. I love you guys, but there's a wall.

SirRon
SirRon

Amber, it is not all that hard for me to imagine that the favorite posts of EOW writers *are* the Top 5 posts. This site is littered with Top 5 posts written by some of their biggest fans.

I could actually tolerate Top 5s if they were hilarious.

Since I don't think you'll ask, but Nicholas got pissed at me for not missing a post that specifically asked for my input... my favorite posts are those by Shilcutt and the occasional inspired work by JSG.

And speaking of the chicken and the egg, does anyone hate fried chicken? There is egg in the crust.

Am_Bro_Se
Am_Bro_Se

Personally, my favorite posts *are* the Top 5 lists - to each his or her own I guess. Can't please everyone all the time, but you sure as heck can make a list out of something and make it hilarious...which is exactly the point.

Also, I have absolutely no problems eating eggs with chicken - for the record.

SirRon
SirRon

I like this blog... said so on many occasions.

"We can't fix what you don't tell us is broke." I think that's exactly what I'm doing, but maybe it's only clear to me because I'm drinking. Walk with me.

"I'll admit that these lists might be comparable to TMZ"About.com

"We gotta churn out something and as long as it is fairly interesting and grammatically correct, then why not?"I just wanted to copy that.

Cheers!

LennieAmbrose
LennieAmbrose

Wow Nicholas. I essentially posted the same thing probably at the exact same time as you did. Weird.

LennieAmbrose
LennieAmbrose

Yeah, but our leader/boss/whatever likes the lists and judging from the hits when we post them, so do others. So why change? I'll admit that these lists might be comparable to TMZ while a review of Haven or REEF or something might be more like Meet the Press but that doesn't mean we can't do both. We (the bloogers and the leader/boss/whatever) are trying to fill a lot of space here on a daily basis. We gotta churn out something and as long as it is fairly interesting and grammatically correct, then why not?

Nicholas L. Hall
Nicholas L. Hall

SirRon, you were graciously invited, a few weeks back, to add your two cents about EOW content.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/...

I'm sure everyone would agree that you "comment guys" are really the force that drives this here horse-less carriage. Why didn't you weigh in when the weighing was good? We can't fix what you don't tell us is broke.

On the other hand, while I certainly consider EOW a "quality food blog" (and I'm assuming you do, since you keep coming back), I don't think that the two are mutually exclusive. After all, even quality food blogs are a form of entertainment, in addition to being informative and educational.I think it would be safe to say that a considerable number of our readers would say that the "Top 5" pieces, while perhaps not the most serious minded and intellectual of food writing, are certainly entertaining. Perhaps you don't agree. If that's the case, why not just skip over them?

SirRon
SirRon

How about a whole post on what is wrong about foie gras? There is no reason to bring candy cigarettes into this.

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