Scientists Create Jalapeños Specifically for Jalapeño Poppers

primavera.jpg
The NuMex Jalmundo: jalapeño peppers without the bite.
Sports bars, bowling alleys and the frozen food section at your local grocery store are ruling our lives more than you already know. How so?

Because the increased demand for the cheddar- or cream cheese-stuffed jalapeños that these joints offer has led to scientists creating a brand new variety of jalapeño -- one that's larger and milder.

In other words, a jalapeño that holds even more cheese and won't hurt the little wussy mouths of Yankees who just want something to wash down with a beer.

Great.

The NuMex Jalmundo, as it's been named, represents science's logical end, of course. Not curing cancer or reconciling string theory with loop quantum gravity. Science's true purpose is making even bigger jalapeños so we can make even bigger junk food nuggets and grow even bigger as a nation while we scarf them down.

How was this heroic feat accomplished? By cross-breeding a jalapeño variety with a bell pepper variety. It's so simple, in fact, that you may wonder why no one has ever done this before. Perhaps they have -- but never in such blind pursuit of profit. One can only imagine that the members of the purchasing department at Sonic are spinning happily in their office chairs right now, thinking of how much more majestic those Ched 'R' Peppers will be -- and how much more they'll be able to charge for them.

Granted, we are not against cross-breeding or hybridization here at Eating Our Words. How else would we enjoy Meyer lemons, tangelos or clementines? What we are against is hybridization that erodes the inherent qualities of a fruit or vegetable and turns it into an empty, hollow shell of itself (quite literally in this case). What is a jalapeño without the heat?

That's what we're about to find out with the new NuMex Jalmundo.



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15 comments
SirRon
SirRon

I'm confused, because the aforementioned KC blog says that the Jalmundo is hotter than a regular jalapeno.

http://blogs.pitch.com/fatcity..."The Jalmundo has a heat level of 17,000 Scoville Heat Units, about double the average jalapeno pepper, but still well below the 1,359,000 of the Naga Viper."

Will someone go read the Popular Science article so I can get back to curing cancer? Thanks!

Katy
Katy

When I saw the headline, I thought: “Hurrah! Finally, science is working on something important! No more spinning its wheels with that curing cancer crap…”But then I saw that they just made jalapeños milder. MILDER?What the hell, science? Why do you feel the need to go and play God?

Matthew
Matthew

it's weird, because if you take the seeds and pith out of the jalapeno, it's really not that hot anymore.

James
James

That picture is the NuMex Primavera, not the Jalmundo.

Craig
Craig

Somebody has been reading the KC blogs.

redonthehead1
redonthehead1

Buy heirloom seeds and grow your own, folks. This Franken-food is some scary shit.

SirRon
SirRon

Ugh. I suspect there is an aggie behind this unnatural fruit travesty.

Pekon Pi
Pekon Pi

Awesome! If I get cancer, I hope they serve these at M.D. Anderson.

jason tinder
jason tinder

a green pepper or a poblano..

that said, I would like it if they were more consistent - sometimes they are as tame as a bell pepper and others can burn like habeneros.

Katharine Shilcutt
Katharine Shilcutt

I didn't read the KC blog post until this morning and it appears, sir, that you are correct. The articles I read (starting here: http://www.boingboing.net/2011... indicated that the new jalapeno would be milder than a regular jalapeno. Going to do some more research, but until then...mea maxima culpa.

Megan
Megan

Ehhh. I lived in Houston for six years and now live in KC, and read both EOW and Fat City. I like the different takes on the same story.

Jack Reynolds
Jack Reynolds

I wouldn't consider this Frankenfood. It's just a hybrid. A friend of mine used to give me little short-lived pepper plants that he made by cross-breeding jalapenos with pequins. They were awesome. I should try to make some myself.

But just who the fuck thinks a cored jalapeno stuffed with milky cheese, breaded, fried, and dipped in cooling ranch is still so spicy that a cold beer isn't soothing enough? Are there really so many of these people that some chile pepper institute spent however long they did rubbing flowers with q-tips and tasting the offspring until they found a jalapeno-shaped bell pepper?

Nevermind. I'm suddenly reminded that I once read a textbook written by a woman with a phd in accounting history. I suppose if someone can get a phd in that, then someone will be interested in creating an apple that tastes like a green onion fucked a leek.

Haynus Jacquad
Haynus Jacquad

You are correct, Sir, there is an Aggie--A New Mexico State Aggie. The NuMex is more commonly known here as Hatch Chile, the tastiest chile in America.

Katharine Shilcutt
Katharine Shilcutt

From what I read, it's a regular old green bell pepper...

And a little trick that might help with jalapeños... The fewer "stretch marks" they have on them, the milder they are. More stretch marks = more heat.

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