For When the End Comes: Food Insurance

foodinsurance.com

If I am not mistaken, it is Revelation 24:8 that says, "The ground opened and the great devil Beelzebub's thorny legs were cloaked in Pajama Jeans." With Billy Blanks Jr. now going even where his father dared not -- see the Hawaii Chair (click the video, it is so worth it) and the Cami Secret (essentially a dickey for the ladies) -- it does now appear that the final days are upon us. Have you begun to make your plans?

Fear not, true believers, you won't have to suffer through endless servings of canned tongue while you are trapped in a tank trying to fend off the walking dead, because Food Insurance plans to swoop in and serve you delicious and nutritious meals in a backpack.

foodinsurance.com

According to the website, this Glenn Beck-endorsed product works like so: you go to their website, you search through the many cost levels and plan options listed, you order one of the many freeze-dried meal kits, you wait for it to arrive, you store it in a safe place, you wait for the bomb to drop, and you enjoy diced beef and a parfait.

The bare minimum package starts at $199 and includes the backpack, a two- week food supply, fuel pellets and a heat source. You can buy additional entrée combos that top out at 3,727 meals with free drink mixes for $9,799.99. There are a lot of drink options (and there is even a portable water filter available), but the one thing I can't find on the site is water itself. I guess if the seas turn to blood and there is no clean water, then you won't be able to have your milk substitute.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to enjoy a beef stroganoff entrée while I catch up on all these stories about birds dropping out of the sky.