College Pasta Redux

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The Holiday 15 hit you like a ton of bricks thanks to endless array of bitchy relatives insisting you try everything, right? If you're in resolution mode (e.g. getting slim enough to fit back in your Spanx), then you'll need to get back to basics with simple recipes. The fewer ingredients, the fewer hidden calories and the easier it is to enter the damn thing into Lose It!

Logic (and most dieting gurus) holds that the fewer calories you take in, minus calories from exercise, will result in fewer ell-bees on your hips. Nutritionists say a balanced approach of "good carbs," protein and a truck load of vegetables is where you want to be.

College Pasta Redux meets those criteria. Plus, now that you have less time to cook due to all that exercising, you'll love the 10-minute can-to-table time.

College Pasta started as a dish born out of necessity (read college poverty) when my roommate and I lived off of his dad's Chevron card a la Reality Bites. Man can only live on smokes and meat pies for so long. The following recipe materialized one night when I was high on nicotine and fighting exhaustion. The Redux version subs in whole wheat pasta and lighter mayo for the calorie Nazis. Give it a shot. It's actually much better than it sounds.

College Pasta

  • 1 pack of beef flavored ramen noodles
  • 2-4 packs of mayo from a fast food joint
  • 1 6-ounce can of tuna, drained
  • 1 small can of vegetables, drained
  • Tony Chachere's to taste

College Pasta Redux

  • 1 1/2 cups of uncooked whole wheat pasta
  • 1 tbsp light mayo
  • 1 tsp spicy Dijon mustard
  • 1 6 oz. can of tuna, drained
  • 1 small can of vegetables, drained
  • Tony Chachere's to taste

Boil the pasta and drain. Pour the noodles into a gumbo bowl or mixing bowl (or anything bigger than a cereal bowl). For authenticity, you should mix it in the pot.

Mix in the mayo and mustard while the noodles are hot so that it is evenly distributed.
Add in the tuna, dechunking it as you go, but don't mix it yet. Stir in the Chachere's (and a bit of the beef seasoning for the non-Redux) until the tuna and spices are evenly distributed. Stir in the vegetables.

P.S. Vodka and tequila are optional for both.

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4 comments
LeSoeiuerueur
LeSoeiuerueur

I love those canned peas, I don't even know why.

Nicholas L. Hall
Nicholas L. Hall

Jason, when my wife and I were first married and broke as shit, we used to make a dish called tuna rice. One cup of rice, cooked together with one can of tuna and one can of Ro-Tel tomatoes and green chiles. It was dinner for two for around $2.00. I can still taste the awful, tinny flavor just thinking about it. Every once in a while, my wife gets all nostalgic, and says something about tuna rice for dinner. I just can't bring myself to do it.

gabrigavin
gabrigavin

I have tried to lose weight dozens of times. "Hypersonic Weight Loss" really works, I even went on a cruise and came back 2 pounds lighter.

bunchie
bunchie

There is no way that your recipes are anything other than vomit-inducing. I have absolutely zero tolerance for canned vegetables.

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