Coconut Cream Tea at Teahouse Tapioca & Tea

One recent night I couldn't decide whether I was craving a milkshake or a smoothie, so I opted instead for a coconut cream tea ($4.50) at the Teahouse Tapioca & Tea. I've tried their bubble tea before and enjoyed it, though in truth I like shooting the tapioca balls through my straw at strangers far more than actually eating them. The gummy texture just gets to be a bit much after a while.

The cream blend teas are devoid of projectile spheres (good news for unsuspecting passerby). I asked for mine blended rather than on the rocks and received it within two minutes of ordering.

My cream tea tasted fine, but, continuing in my fickleness, I suddenly wanted it warm rather than cold. At home I heated the entire plastic cup (top included) in the microwave for four minutes. This was maybe not the best idea as it probably infused the beverage with multiple carcinogenic toxins. Oh well.

The now near-scalding cream tea had a much stronger, sweeter coconut flavor, probably due to the lactose, which becomes more soluble under higher temperatures. I sipped the tea slowly through the oversize straw until it cooled, at which point I was enjoying it so much I started to guzzle it.

This was my second not-so-great idea of the night. Unsurprisingly, the human GI tract, specifically, my GI tract, does not deal well when bombarded with 20 ounces or so of sweetened condensed milk, tea, and coconut syrup.

There's a price to be paid for binging on delicious hot dairy beverages after 10 p.m., and while I won't provide too many details, let's just say it involves being curled up in the fetal position and two glasses of Alka-Seltzer.