The 10 Most Disturbing Food-Related Tattoos (Possibly NSFW)
I'm not talking about Greg Lowry's anthropomorphized meatball tattoo or Paul Rodriguez's rotten apple, two of the food tattoo featured in our Chef Tats story last year. I'm not even talking about the weird Billy Mays-in-a-cupcake tattoo seen to your right (yes, Billy Mays was reincarnated as a cupcake!).
I'm talking about what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you tattoos. I'm talking about tattoos that should rightfully get their bearers put onto some kind of watch list, neighborhood, national or otherwise. I'm talking things that can't be unseen.
With that, here are the 10 most disturbing food tattoos that I've come across in all the wasted hours I've spent trolling sites like I Heart Chaos, Buzzfeed and Ugliest Tattoos when I was supposed to be writing a cafe review.
Warning: Most of these images are NSFW.
10) While this isn't the cleverest tattoo I've seen above some classy lady's hoo-ha, it's certainly one of the ugliest. Bonus points for tacky jokes about said hoo-ha melting in your mouth.
9) I'm pretty sure this is the kind of pie Buffalo Bill would have baked had he done more than just "skin his humps" and make pretty outfits out of them.
8) And what better place to worship at the altar of lard than, well, this particular stomach? Why would you want to make it this easy for people, dude? (And on a nitpicky note, the lines of that knife and fork are all kinds of messed up.)
7) It's an upside-down cross. Made of bacon. Pointing straight into your ass chasm. LOVELY WORK ALL AROUND.
6) The Everyday Lives of Cupcakes, a/k/a Things You Never Cared to See or Think About.
5) I am fairly certain -- I could be wrong, though! -- that this corn dog is serving as a visual metaphor for a penis. Pretty sure. And if I'm correct in this assumption, what is more tempting to a half-naked young Native American (?!) woman than a greasy penis that's been encrusted with fat and lumpy cornmeal? Especially one that looks to have some kind of syphilitic lesions near the end!
4) It once was food, which qualifies it for inclusion here. As do the niblets of corn still residing in the winged coprolite. (By the way, if you have that much mucus in your stool, not to mention wings, you should probably see a doctor immediately.)
3) Meat curtains. Gee, you're punny.
2) It's difficult to tell what individual aspect makes this tattoo so classy. The fact that you can clearly see the Pillsbury Doughboy's pastry penis? The fact that the bruises on Little Miss Muffet's upper thighs indicate that this cupcake sex is non-consensual? The fact that this is clearly on a part of the bearer's body that regularly sees the light of day? How about all of the above?
1) Just remember: Whenever you think you've hit rock bottom -- say, getting a tattoo of one food mascot raping another on top of a snack cake -- there is always someone out there who's gone lower. This guy, for example. Yes, those are strawberries coming out of that girl's ass. And yes, we're probably all going to jail now for even looking at it.