5 Desserts That Are Actually Better Than Sex

Categories: Sweets, Top Five

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Many claim the hyperbolic title - cakes, pies, layer desserts and the like - but few truly live up to the name. Here's a list we put together (from a solicitation of all the EOW bloggers) that could claim the description truthfully.

5. Paula Deen's "Is it really better than sex?" Cake
While no one wants to associate the act of coitus with Paula Deen, there's no denying, she's a sexy older woman - I mean, c'mon, you know she's doing something fun in the bedroom with all that butter.

All Paula Deen sex jokes aside (did I just invent a new genre?), this cake is a favorite of EOW's very own Kevin Shalin, who can eat an entire cake, by himself, in three days. Now that's a damn good dessert. Must be the pudding, or the heavy cream, or the coconut...

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zingyyellow
4. Cheesecake
In general, if you want something decadent, cheesecake will fill the void. Creamy, unctuous, sinful at times and not overly sweet, cheesecake is the dessert for people who don't necessarily like dessert.

The best part, and perhaps the kinkiest aspect is the endless array of toppings - just ask Lauren Marmaduke. She's been known to fall into a cheesecake trance, only waking to find that she's eaten the entire dessert. How's that for a release?

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Margaret Downing
3. A Four-pack of Crave Cupcakes and a Quart of Milk
It's in the name, as well as the cupcakes. You'd be hard up to find a cupcake at Crave you couldn't lust over. Add into the mix a satisfying accompaniment of milk, and you've got yourself an afternoon of unabashed, shameless, life-altering (and waist-altering) gluttony.

Thank you, Jason Bargas, for your courage in admitting your favorite way to spend a rainy Saturday in bed...

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edwardkimuk
2. Flourless Chocolate Cake
For all our gluten-challenged readers, this one's for you, and we might even have to say that it's better and more extravagant than its flour-containing cousin. It's gooey, teeth-sticking, chocolaty goodness that can deliver at least 15 minutes of pure pleasure (with a glass of milk, of course - unless you're also lactose intolerant).

Thanks to Joanna O'Leary, we now plan on experimenting with gold leaf on top, in reference, of course, to the cake and not the bedroom.

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Rebecca Masson
1. Rebecca Masson's Fluffernutters and Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies

It's only natural that a woman who could turn a mushroom into a magical piece of award-winning dessert could also transform a traditional peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich (that sounds like a crazy sexual innuendo to begin with) into an incredibly indulgent cookie. Same goes for her bacon chocolate chip cookies; and if loving bacon is wrong, I don't ever want to be right.

My husband Lennie Ambrose, in between writing recaps of Next Iron Chef and fantasizing about Bryan Caswell as his next best broseph, could be caught devouring a dozen or two of these sexy-good cookies.

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itsmrjakefromstatefa
itsmrjakefromstatefa

….Add “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” To Make This The All-Time Greatest Film Ever Made!….

…Could. “Clint” Eastwood. Possibly Be Competing With “Captain Kutchie

Pelaez” For The Position Of “The World’s Most Interesting Man”..

Perhaps?…But Then Again Perhaps He Is Just Waiting For “Kutchie Pelaez

and Frankie Valli” To “Make His Day”!…Ha, Go Figure!….

….We

Heard A Few Years Back That Megyn Kelly Of Fox News, Really Loved Her

Some Of Captain Kutchie’s And Anita Pelaez’s Famous Key Lime Pies! Could

That Make Megyn “The Most Interesting Lady In The World?….I Guess “NO”

On That One, That One Would Have To Be “The Lovely –Mrs. Anita Pelaez”

The Queen Of The Key Lime Pie World!

….I sure hope that this will be a great opportunity for everyone to

see some of “Don Rickle’s Scenes” from his productions of his classic hits

“Tales From Kutcharitaville”. You Do know that Don Rickles and Johnny Carson

together produced those comedy hits about their friend “Mr. Kutchie

Pelaez” and their wild and crazy exploits of Kutchie’s Key West and The

World of Key Lime Pies from the perspective of (Johnny Carson, Don

Rickles, Kutchie Pelaez and Steve Martins Eyes!) What a Hoot Those

Classic Hits Surely Were. Don’t miss them, be sure to tune-in next

month. We Laughed Until We Cried Watching Those Funny Movies. “The Tales

From Kutcharitaville”, I Think That They May Still Be Available In A

Boxed Set. Maybe Try Amazon. Good Luck.

You Know, It’s No Wonder That Everyone Calls “Captain Kutchie

Pelaez”..The Most Interesting Man In The World! Did You Know That

Kutchie Drinks Those Wonderful Mixed Drinks Named In His Honor Called

“Kutcharitas”.?. There A Hell Of A Lot Better Than Any Mexican Beers.

And Much Stronger To Boot!

….That Sunken Ship In The News These Days,

….It’s Been Resting Down On The Bottom Of The Sea Since Way Back In

1857, “Mel Fisher” Even Overlooked That One! “Yankee Jack and Micheal

McCloud Now Have Reason To Write Another Song.

….Hell, We Can’t Find A Boeing 777 That’s Been Lost Only A Little Over

A Few Months Now! Could It Be Because The Jet Had No Silver and Gold Aboard,

Just People?….Go Figure……

….Good Thing That All The ….(“Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West Key *Kutcharitaville*

Lime Pie Shops”)..Are All Showing Increasing Pie Sales Throughout All

They’re Areas Of Distribution. Consumers Just Never Seem To Reach

They’re Fill Of Those “Yummy Key Lime Pies” That The “Peleaz’s Working

Partner Team” Continues To Produce. They Have Been Called “Love At First

Bite”. Everyone Agrees, That The Loving Couple Have Been Baking They’re

Culinary Delectables Over 40-Years Now!….Isn’t She

Wonderful?….”AAAHHHH”, The Magic Of The Gorgeous “Mrs. Anita Pelaez”

Well She Is Something Else!….

….Who The Hell Does That “Kutchie Pelaez” Think That He Is?….”Frankie Valli” Or Some Big-Shot Like That? "Well Hell Yeah"....

….It’s No Wonder That People Are All Calling Him “The Most Interesting Man In The World”,…Big Girls Don’t Cry…Do They?….

….Don’t Cha Just Love Em!?….We Sure Do!….It is A Well Known Fact

That “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” Knows Who Put The Bomp In The Bomp Shoo

Bomp Shoo Bomp And The Rama In The Rama Lama Ding Dong!.He Even Knows

Who Put The Dip In The Dip Da Dip Da Dip!…How Cool Is That?….

….a-good-1-4-u-2-n-joy-ok!..

.”Very Interesting”!….

….”Frankie Valli and Kutchie Pelaez”..Did Make-It As Big As “Frank Sanatra”.

….”Yeah”

A Few Wise Guys They Certainly Were “Frankie Valli, Kutchie Pelaez and

Joe Pesci”!….Together “The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight”!…..

….Mafiosi
Wanna-Bee’s. The Key Lime Pie “Wild Bunch”. They’ve Got Everyone
Shaking In They’re Flip-Flops!…."Even -Jimmy Buffett- Doesn't Know Where
It's Safe To Hide-Out!"..Especially Since All The People Found Out That
"Captain Kutchie" Was The One Who Came Up With "The Original Cheese
Burgers In Paradise"!

….Eli Wallach, Be Careful, Don’t Eat The “Cannoli’s”!…They’re Killer Man!….

….They Lived!…They Really Did!…Just Ask “Levi”!….

….I’d Give My Left “Nut” To Set Down With “Captain Kutchie Pelaez,
Frankie Valli, Terry Levi, Joe Pesci, Bob Gaudio, Bob Crewe, Paul

Shaffer, Bob De Niro, Tommy DeVito, Martin Scorsese And Clint East Wood!
Rub Elbows And Shoot The Shit With That Whole Crew Of “Good Fellows” Or
“Wise Guys” Or Whatever The Hell You Want To Call Them!….”Who
Wouldn’t”?….

….I Believe That “Kutchie” First Sang “My Eyes Adored You” And “Can’t
Take My Eyes Off Of You” To His Lovely Bride “Anita” Way Back In The
Seventies! ….Sounds Like A Love Story To Us!…A Very Good Yarn! “You”

“You’re Good You”….

….That “Captain Kutchie” Always Lands Back On His Feet. No Matter How
Tough The Situation Is He Always Comes Back Up On The Top Of The Heap,
King Of The Hill! Everyone Knows That! Never Count The Captain Out No

Matter How Down The Chips Appear!….

…Remember That He Is Not Only “The World Famous Captain Kutchie
Pelaez” But Please Keep In Mind That “Captain Kutchie” Is Also
Considered “The Most Interesting Man In The World”!….Why Else Would

Everyone Be Talking About Him And His Wild And Crazy Exploits?….His
Gorgeous Wife “Anita” And They’re Famous Key Lime Pies!….

….Yeah, You’re Good You. No You’re “DAMN GOOD YOU”….

….Also Add “The Two Yutes”….

….Marriage Lasts Forever and Ever, Two People Become One!
A Covenant Between A Husband, His Wife And The Lord “Jesus” The Christ!
Marriage, The Same Yesterday Today Tomorrow And Forever More! True Love Never Changes!

Just Ask “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” He Knows!….That What The Lord Puts
Together Can Never Be Broken!….That “Captain Kutchie” Really Knows His
Stuff. He’s Mind Blowing To Say The Least!…

….”Captain
Kutchie” Never Kisses Ass But If He Kissed An Ass It Would Be His
Beautiful Wife’s Ass!….You Go “Captain Kutchie”!….

...."Captain Kutchie" Always Said That "James Garner" Was His Main Man!....That This Key Lime Pie Is For You "ROCKFISH"!....

....Fred Thompson Nailed It. Only Jim Rockford Could Have Come Close To Fred!...

...."Captain Kutchie" You Put You're Cloth's Back On, "You"!....

....Who Dat, Dat Say Who Dat Every Time Dat I Say Who Dat, "Who Dat?....

ElwoodBlues
ElwoodBlues

Hello Ladies, Please Take A Few Minutes And Enjoy My True Stories About The Wonderful World Of Key Lime Pies As Well As The Magic Of The Most Beautiful And Gorgeous...“Mrs. Anita Pelaez”... Wife Extraordinaire And The Beauty Queen Of The Key Lime Pie World....“Oh”, What An Honor That Must Be....

Elwood Blues Here,

“AAHHH”, Yes, May Each One Of You Enjoy Your Very Own Key Lime Pie Baked by The Lovely And Most Gracious,…Mrs. Anita Pelaez and Her Handsome And Dashing Husband ….The World Famous Deep Sea Underwater Diver And Treasure Explorer And Hunter Extraordinaire Captain Kutchie Pelaez...Together The Proud Owners Of Asheville’s Own ..."Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key Lime Pie Factory And GRILL, Conveniently Located Near The Biltmore House And Estate In That Beautiful City. That's Known As Heaven On Earth Whenever Mrs. Anita Pelaez Is Anywhere Near... “AAHHH",.. The Magic Of Anita Pelaez And Her KEY LIME Pies... Voted The Country’s Favorite Key Lime Pies For The Past 37 Consecutive Years!

…..That Babe Can Bake Me A Pie Anytime She Wants Too.

For You Guys, Listen Up Here!
Turn
You’re Ladies On In Extra High Heat Mode "Easily", Just By Seducing Her
With “Anita Pelaez’s”... Ultra-Sexy Key Lime Pies!..You Know The Pies That Her And Her Famous Husband Kutchie Have Been Baking The For Last 40-Years Over At Their Key Lime Pie Factory Near the Biltmore House and Estate In NC.,..Yeah, That’s The Ones, You Dirty Minds! (Shame On You.)

Anita’s World Famous Key Lime Pies Will Light Her Candle And Make
Her Hard To Handle. Guaranteed That She Will Get A-Hold Of You’re Handle Too….Your Boy Elwood Here Says,….”AAHHH”, The Magic Of Anita Pelaez ..And Her Key Lime Pies!

“Yeah”, You’ll Be “AAHHH-ING” Too!…So Put Your Faith In Anita’s Pies.
In Other Words... "Keep The Faith Baby".

Part-Two

Is what they are all saying true about how eating those World Famous Key Lime Pies Baked In The Carolina Mountains By The Former Miss Florida USA And High Fashion And Swimsuit Model …”Mrs. Anita Pelaez”, ….Surely Everyone Has Heard Or Read By Now That Consuming Her Wonderful Key Lime Pies Has The Ability To Cause The Male Penis Length To Increase 50% Or More. And The Girth Of The Erect Male Penis To Increase To Six-Inches AROUND!….”WOW”, And Add To The Fact That Her Pies Have Been Known To Make Males Multiorgasmic /One Orgasm One After Another With Little Or No Reflationary Period In Between Ejaculations Is Nothing Short Of Awesome!. Why, It’s A Miracle If You Ask Me.. "HELL" It's A Miracle If You Don't Ask Me!..Anyway, You Can Count Me In On That,… That’s For Damn Sure!,….Mrs. Anita Pelaez Is Surely The Undisputed Queen Of Key Lime Pies That’s For Sure……

Yes, There Was A Time For Decadent Key Lime Pies. Pies made And Baked With Love And Caring With The Original Family Recipe Just Like Grand-Ma And Grand-Pa Baked Back In The 1920'S In Old Key West. And Do You Know What?....That Time Is Now At…..”Anita and Kutchie Pelaez's" Key Lime Pie Factory And Grille’, Conveniently
Located In Asheville, NC., Near The Biltmore House And Estate….Yes The First Lady Of Key Lime Pies,..”Mrs. Anita Pelaez” Named Her Latest Book..“For You’re Pies Only”.

…Count Us In Darling, Sweetheart, Please Wrap-Us Up A Dozen Pies
To-Go!…We’re Gettin The Band Back Together……………..
Thanks,….Elwood.

I Know That Your Not Going To Believe This When You First Read It.
Don’t Worry, I Didn’t Believe It Either At First. My Dear Wife Insisted
Or As She Said, That She Was Going To Cut Me Off. Now I Like My Nooky As Well As Anybody But When She Starts talking About Cutting Me Off. Well, Lets Just Make A Long Story Short, If You Want To Continue Eating At The (Y), Then You Had Better Listen To What Mama Is Whispering Into Your Ear. Get The Damn Pies, Enjoyed Them With The Little Lady And Die A Happy Man. End Of Story.

People, If You Want To Have A Lot More Sex, And Who Doesn't? Then
You Need To Start Eating A Lot More Of Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key
Lime Pies! They Work Every Darn Time!

…One Eyed Willie…Smooth Willie…Be Good Willie!…Elwood Blues…Darling,..Don’t Go Breaking My Heart!

Honey, What’s the number to the Key Lime Pie Factory?…We’re Out Again!

The World Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez Of Kutcharitaville Fame Was Recently Spotted Down In Old Town Key West At Sloppy Joe's Bar Partying With His Old Compadres,...Captain Yankee Jack Of The Bull Fame,...Micheal McCloud Of Schooner's Wharf Fame...Captain Tony Tarracino Of His Own Saloon Fame,...Jimmy Buffett Of Margarativille Fame,...Captain Teri Levi Of Lum's Fame,...Missing Was The Late Mel Fisher....The Famous Group Of Compadres Were Said To Be Drinking Doubles And Causing Just Some Mild-Kind Of Troubles, Nothing The Waitresses Couldn't Handle. It Seems All Of The Team Mates Were Wearing..."Captain Kutchie T-Shirts!...We Were Wondering Where They Might Have Gotten Those T-Shirts?..."HUMM" You Don't Think It Was From.............

Kinda Like Captain Kutchie Says... "I Bet You Can't Say Happiness With Out Saying Penis".

I Guess No Key Lime Pie Story Would Be Complete Without Saying,
"AAHHH", The Magic Of Anita Pelaez And Her Key Lime Pies...

You Know-...It's No Wonder That She's America's Sweet Heart!

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