5 Desserts That Are Actually Better Than Sex

Categories: Sweets, Top Five

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Many claim the hyperbolic title - cakes, pies, layer desserts and the like - but few truly live up to the name. Here's a list we put together (from a solicitation of all the EOW bloggers) that could claim the description truthfully.

5. Paula Deen's "Is it really better than sex?" Cake
While no one wants to associate the act of coitus with Paula Deen, there's no denying, she's a sexy older woman - I mean, c'mon, you know she's doing something fun in the bedroom with all that butter.

All Paula Deen sex jokes aside (did I just invent a new genre?), this cake is a favorite of EOW's very own Kevin Shalin, who can eat an entire cake, by himself, in three days. Now that's a damn good dessert. Must be the pudding, or the heavy cream, or the coconut...

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zingyyellow
4. Cheesecake
In general, if you want something decadent, cheesecake will fill the void. Creamy, unctuous, sinful at times and not overly sweet, cheesecake is the dessert for people who don't necessarily like dessert.

The best part, and perhaps the kinkiest aspect is the endless array of toppings - just ask Lauren Marmaduke. She's been known to fall into a cheesecake trance, only waking to find that she's eaten the entire dessert. How's that for a release?

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Margaret Downing
3. A Four-pack of Crave Cupcakes and a Quart of Milk
It's in the name, as well as the cupcakes. You'd be hard up to find a cupcake at Crave you couldn't lust over. Add into the mix a satisfying accompaniment of milk, and you've got yourself an afternoon of unabashed, shameless, life-altering (and waist-altering) gluttony.

Thank you, Jason Bargas, for your courage in admitting your favorite way to spend a rainy Saturday in bed...

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edwardkimuk
2. Flourless Chocolate Cake
For all our gluten-challenged readers, this one's for you, and we might even have to say that it's better and more extravagant than its flour-containing cousin. It's gooey, teeth-sticking, chocolaty goodness that can deliver at least 15 minutes of pure pleasure (with a glass of milk, of course - unless you're also lactose intolerant).

Thanks to Joanna O'Leary, we now plan on experimenting with gold leaf on top, in reference, of course, to the cake and not the bedroom.

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Rebecca Masson
1. Rebecca Masson's Fluffernutters and Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies

It's only natural that a woman who could turn a mushroom into a magical piece of award-winning dessert could also transform a traditional peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich (that sounds like a crazy sexual innuendo to begin with) into an incredibly indulgent cookie. Same goes for her bacon chocolate chip cookies; and if loving bacon is wrong, I don't ever want to be right.

My husband Lennie Ambrose, in between writing recaps of Next Iron Chef and fantasizing about Bryan Caswell as his next best broseph, could be caught devouring a dozen or two of these sexy-good cookies.

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ElwoodBlues
ElwoodBlues

Hello Ladies, Please Take A Few Minutes And Enjoy My True Stories About The Wonderful World Of Key Lime Pies As Well As The Magic Of The Most Beautiful And Gorgeous...“Mrs. Anita Pelaez”... Wife Extraordinaire And The Beauty Queen Of The Key Lime Pie World....“Oh”, What An Honor That Must Be....

Elwood Blues Here,

“AAHHH”, Yes, May Each One Of You Enjoy Your Very Own Key Lime Pie Baked by The Lovely And Most Gracious,…Mrs. Anita Pelaez and Her Handsome And Dashing Husband ….The World Famous Deep Sea Underwater Diver And Treasure Explorer And Hunter Extraordinaire Captain Kutchie Pelaez...Together The Proud Owners Of Asheville’s Own ..."Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key Lime Pie Factory And GRILL, Conveniently Located Near The Biltmore House And Estate In That Beautiful City. That's Known As Heaven On Earth Whenever Mrs. Anita Pelaez Is Anywhere Near... “AAHHH",.. The Magic Of Anita Pelaez And Her KEY LIME Pies... Voted The Country’s Favorite Key Lime Pies For The Past 37 Consecutive Years!

…..That Babe Can Bake Me A Pie Anytime She Wants Too.

For You Guys, Listen Up Here!
Turn
You’re Ladies On In Extra High Heat Mode "Easily", Just By Seducing Her
With “Anita Pelaez’s”... Ultra-Sexy Key Lime Pies!..You Know The Pies That Her And Her Famous Husband Kutchie Have Been Baking The For Last 40-Years Over At Their Key Lime Pie Factory Near the Biltmore House and Estate In NC.,..Yeah, That’s The Ones, You Dirty Minds! (Shame On You.)

Anita’s World Famous Key Lime Pies Will Light Her Candle And Make
Her Hard To Handle. Guaranteed That She Will Get A-Hold Of You’re Handle Too….Your Boy Elwood Here Says,….”AAHHH”, The Magic Of Anita Pelaez ..And Her Key Lime Pies!

“Yeah”, You’ll Be “AAHHH-ING” Too!…So Put Your Faith In Anita’s Pies.
In Other Words... "Keep The Faith Baby".

Part-Two

Is what they are all saying true about how eating those World Famous Key Lime Pies Baked In The Carolina Mountains By The Former Miss Florida USA And High Fashion And Swimsuit Model …”Mrs. Anita Pelaez”, ….Surely Everyone Has Heard Or Read By Now That Consuming Her Wonderful Key Lime Pies Has The Ability To Cause The Male Penis Length To Increase 50% Or More. And The Girth Of The Erect Male Penis To Increase To Six-Inches AROUND!….”WOW”, And Add To The Fact That Her Pies Have Been Known To Make Males Multiorgasmic /One Orgasm One After Another With Little Or No Reflationary Period In Between Ejaculations Is Nothing Short Of Awesome!. Why, It’s A Miracle If You Ask Me.. "HELL" It's A Miracle If You Don't Ask Me!..Anyway, You Can Count Me In On That,… That’s For Damn Sure!,….Mrs. Anita Pelaez Is Surely The Undisputed Queen Of Key Lime Pies That’s For Sure……

Yes, There Was A Time For Decadent Key Lime Pies. Pies made And Baked With Love And Caring With The Original Family Recipe Just Like Grand-Ma And Grand-Pa Baked Back In The 1920'S In Old Key West. And Do You Know What?....That Time Is Now At…..”Anita and Kutchie Pelaez's" Key Lime Pie Factory And Grille’, Conveniently
Located In Asheville, NC., Near The Biltmore House And Estate….Yes The First Lady Of Key Lime Pies,..”Mrs. Anita Pelaez” Named Her Latest Book..“For You’re Pies Only”.

…Count Us In Darling, Sweetheart, Please Wrap-Us Up A Dozen Pies
To-Go!…We’re Gettin The Band Back Together……………..
Thanks,….Elwood.

I Know That Your Not Going To Believe This When You First Read It.
Don’t Worry, I Didn’t Believe It Either At First. My Dear Wife Insisted
Or As She Said, That She Was Going To Cut Me Off. Now I Like My Nooky As Well As Anybody But When She Starts talking About Cutting Me Off. Well, Lets Just Make A Long Story Short, If You Want To Continue Eating At The (Y), Then You Had Better Listen To What Mama Is Whispering Into Your Ear. Get The Damn Pies, Enjoyed Them With The Little Lady And Die A Happy Man. End Of Story.

People, If You Want To Have A Lot More Sex, And Who Doesn't? Then
You Need To Start Eating A Lot More Of Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key
Lime Pies! They Work Every Darn Time!

…One Eyed Willie…Smooth Willie…Be Good Willie!…Elwood Blues…Darling,..Don’t Go Breaking My Heart!

Honey, What’s the number to the Key Lime Pie Factory?…We’re Out Again!

The World Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez Of Kutcharitaville Fame Was Recently Spotted Down In Old Town Key West At Sloppy Joe's Bar Partying With His Old Compadres,...Captain Yankee Jack Of The Bull Fame,...Micheal McCloud Of Schooner's Wharf Fame...Captain Tony Tarracino Of His Own Saloon Fame,...Jimmy Buffett Of Margarativille Fame,...Captain Teri Levi Of Lum's Fame,...Missing Was The Late Mel Fisher....The Famous Group Of Compadres Were Said To Be Drinking Doubles And Causing Just Some Mild-Kind Of Troubles, Nothing The Waitresses Couldn't Handle. It Seems All Of The Team Mates Were Wearing..."Captain Kutchie T-Shirts!...We Were Wondering Where They Might Have Gotten Those T-Shirts?..."HUMM" You Don't Think It Was From.............

Kinda Like Captain Kutchie Says... "I Bet You Can't Say Happiness With Out Saying Penis".

I Guess No Key Lime Pie Story Would Be Complete Without Saying,
"AAHHH", The Magic Of Anita Pelaez And Her Key Lime Pies...

You Know-...It's No Wonder That She's America's Sweet Heart!

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