Your Handy Thanksgiving Flow Chart, Plus Bonus Recipe for Creamy White Deliciousness

Categories: Game On

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Jason Bargas
Click here to view the chart full-size.
If you have to attend a Thanksgiving meal, then you have to make a Creamy White Deliciousness Pie - at least according to this handy flow chart, which we've assembled to help you navigate the holiday.

Fill your quota of Kickass Points (Cool Points are so 1980s) with a recipe so sweet and simple, your cousin Little Vinny No Neck could make it. Plus, it's so good even lactards will want a taste.

Creamy White Deliciousness Pie

  • 8 oz fat free cream cheese
  • 8 oz fat free sour cream
  • 8 oz fat free Cool Whip
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 tsp vanilla
  • 1 egg
  • 1 Oreo cookie crust

Chill the pie crust for 30 minutes to minimize the crumble factor.

Pre-heat the oven to 375.

Open the brick of cream cheese and let it soften on the kitchen counter for 15 minutes while you prep the pie crust.

Separate and discard the egg yolk. Beat the crap out of the egg white in a small mixing bowl, a.k.a. a cereal bowl.

Gently spread the egg white over the bottom and sides of the chilled pie crust.

Place the crust on the middle rack of the oven to brown, which should take no more than five minutes. Watch it carefully since it's hard to tell browned egg white from brown Oreo crust. DO NOT BURN IT.

Using a fork, separate and spread the cream cheese large mixing bowl. The goal is to thin the cream cheese so it's easy to mix with the other ingredients.

Add the sour cream and Cool Whip to the bowl. Evenly sprinkle the sugar over top. Add the vanilla.

Now, stir. Stir. Stir. (Move with the music if it helps you. It helps me.) Stop stirring once the mixture is smooth. Be sure that you've combined all the cream cheese that was stuck on the surface of the bowl.

By now your pie crust should have cooled if you remembered to remove it from the oven. Cautiously pour the creamy, white deliciousness into the crust, as it will fill it to the brim.

Smooth or texture the surface of the pie as desired, but get it in the fridge as quickly as possible so that it can set-up before serving. Allow an hour if possible. It's okay to pop it in the freezer to expedite the process, but don't overdo it.

CWD serves 1 to 36, depending on how you slice it.

NOTE: Be meticulous when selecting the crust you purchase and don't let the grocery bagger or the cashier touch it. Insist on scanning it yourself unless TSA is present. No one likes a crumbly crust until it's on a dessert plate.


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