This Week in Deliciousness

"So like, what-all do they serve here?"

We started off the week by disarming some alarmism with our look into some foods which are slightly radioactive, but not enough to turn you into Brundlefly or anything. But not to worry: We brought the alarmism right back with a terrifying exposé of 8 common foods that are poisoning you as you read this. Scary, right? You'd better keep reading. What you don't know... may kill you.

The Brown Bag Deli will offer you more options than you may know what to do with; unfortunately, you don't have an option to enjoy "Classic Sam's," as the new, updated Sam's seems here to stay. St. Arnold's Lawnmower will still be available, though, even after the intense offshoot that is Weedwacker has come and gone.

Fredericksburg has a bunch of hippies, so that's good news for anyone who thinks it rains too much in Portland.

Got a late-night craving? How about some year-old cake? No? How about some clearly inferior fast-food tacos? Still no? You're tough to impress. Okay, we'll spring for some adana. Even your picky ass can't find fault with that.

Hated the new Karate Kid movie with Clownie Chan and Smithspawn? Not to worry: Houston still has a perfectly fine Miyagi everyone can enjoy, and he knows how to use some pretty badass knives. Speaking of badass, we had a little chat with Anthony Bourdain, who charmed the living hell out of us while making us miss Mai's just that much more.

Cheap wine is one of our favorite things, you shouldn't be surprised to learn. We're also fond of cupcakes, although we feel there's definitely room for other types of desserts, both figuratively and literally: We haven't eaten a lot yet today.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make sure your boss knows that when you stroll in an hour late stuffed to the gills with eggs and bacon. What are you supposed to do, rush? That's bad for digestion, folks. Bring him some coffee, he'll forgive you. Bosses are cool like that, always. Right, boss?