Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

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Tiny hot-dog- and hamburger-toppers on cupcakes at Randall's.
No holiday in America is complete these days without an amusing and sometimes absurd selection of appropriately holiday-themed baked goods available for sale at your local grocery store.

We hit up Randall's, Kroger and H-E-B in a search for the best stars-and-stripes sweets for your Fourth of July holiday weekend. We can't guarantee they'll taste good or be good for you, but -- like the fireworks -- this is really more about the spectacle than anything else.

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Isn't there something in the Constitution that prohibits construction of the American flag out of cupcakes?

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Somehow, the silliness of making designs out of cupcakes meshes perfectly with the silliness of thinking that putting a yellow ribbon on the bumper of your car somehow supports the troops abroad.

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Not in the mood for cupcakes or layers of white cake? You can always pick up a cookie cake without having to brave the crowds at the mall.

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"Summer" watermelon cakes are also available for those who want to be festive but not "too festive." We don't buy into this; if you're going to get a Fourth of July cake, you go all the way and you buy a freaking firecracker cake! See below.

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Now that's a Fourth of July cake! It's a firecracker! It's an American flag! It's an...arrow! (Actually, we're not quite sure what it is...BUT IT'S RED, WHITE AND BLUE. THESE COLORS DON'T RUN.)

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This cake is our unexpected favorite. It's basically a giant Rice Krispie treat with only the bare minimum of corn syrup-laden frosting. You really can't get any better than this.

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See? A half-assed watermelon cupcake cake. It's just a slow, backwards slide into Cake Wrecks from here...


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