The Shameless Chef: Ice Cream Sandwich Casserole

Try not to eat all the individual components before you have a chance to combine them.

Ah, summer in Houston. When the dashboards melt, ants cook on the sidewalk, and a young man's ballsack takes on the consistency of Turkish taffy. When the voices in the heads of serial killers mainly say things like "No killing tonight, it's too hot for that bullshit. Stay in and have some lemonade." When your irritating friends once again pipe up with facts about how icy treats can actually make you hotter instead of cooling you off and once again you grit your teeth and put off their well-deserved vicious beating for another year. When the local armored attack mosquitoes steal your deep woods mosquito spray so they can put it on their blood tacos because Texas mosquitoes loooove them some Tex Mex. I guess I'm saying summer in Houston fucking sucks. Or at least it did until you clicked on this article.

You will need:

• Ice cream sandwiches of whichever variety you please.
• Whipped cream. I always use the Cool Whip with real cream in it because it's about a thousand times better.
• M&M's or the diminutive candy topping of your choice. I'm told chocolate chips and caramel syrup work well. I found an old-fashioned cardboard box of M&M's and I had to buy it. Cardboard box! Just like at the movies!

Slap down a layer of ice cream sandwiches in the bottom of a casserole dish.

I rock it two-toned, like any good Rude Boy. Pickitup pickitup!

Spread the whipped cream over them shits.

Remember to throw your enormous pile of wrappers away.

Now open the cardboard box of M&M's and lament at what a rip-off this is. They sold me a cardboard box maybe 3/4 filled with a plastic bag which was maybe 3/4 filled with M&M's. Add it up, ya little mathematician, that's a lot of empty space wasted on packaging so they could charge you more for roughly the same amount of M&M's as come in the standard, cheaper bag.

...oh right. Now I remember why I never buy candy at the movies.

Still, there should be enough for you to adequately sprinkle over the top. Now you let the whole thing set up in the freezer for 30 minutes or so, and that's it. You're done, sport. It's seriously delicious and refreshing, and you can use the casserole dish after it's all gone to clock that irritating friend with the mental cache of facts about the warming effect of ice cream.

You deserve a treat, and he deserves a concussion.