How to Cook Naked, Part 1

Categories: How To

nakedchefcropped.jpg
Michael Dei Maggi from The Rockwood Room has no problem stripping down.
You, a birthday suit and the open kitchen: a winning combination if you take some of our advice to heart.

No deep frying
Oil at 350° and above + tiny amounts of water = oil splatter. While you're free to use any of your cooking oil (or hell, why not shortening) for any of your "personal" uses, boiling, lava-hot, skin-melting oil is probably not as effective in clearing up your ashy ankles. Save the French fries and falafels for another, fully clothed cooking extravaganza.

Salads are good
Choosing a dish with minimal amounts of heat involved is a well-advised step in your bare ass cooking approach. Avoiding burns means avoiding hospitals; if merely for the step that would require you to explain how you got burned "down there."

Keep the tongs on the counter
Resist the urge to scratch any itch, whether forearm or fore-anything else. In an attempt to keep your meal edible and sanitary, kitchen utensils should only be used for the food - for things like mixing, tossing salads and the like. Unless, of course, you have something planned after the meal.

Check for stray hairs
This step is pretty important - especially for dudes (and those free-living ladies with unshaven pits). Keep a watchful eye on all of your dishes for tiny, scraggly hairs, and if you're outside during any preparations, stay downwind of the food. Keep the ceiling fan usage to a minimum as well - it's not like you need to cool off. You're naked already.

Don't be drunk

You can cook naked or you can cook drunk, but you shouldn't cook while drunk AND naked. However, occasionally, when cooking drunk - you may end up cooking naked anyway. If you need further explanation on why combining the two could end in injured gonads or otherwise, you probably shouldn't cook naked OR drunk. Ever.

Check back tomorrow for more tips on how to cook naked.

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