Pleasure Pier, eh? Isn't that where all those kids turned into donkeys in Pinocchio?

​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've decided to take up veganism and bowhunting on the same day. Contradictastic!

We started the week off right with a look at some choice bits, and that's a great list, but I'd humbly like to add one: the cup or so of utterly shattered chip shards at the end of a bag of Doritos. That moment where you just unceremoniously dump the pile of 10 percent chip, 90 percent dubious chemical seasoning into your face? Magic. That's the only word for it. Also "carcinogen."

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Next weekend: Prepare for all the chicken soup you can nosh.

​Attention, DIY-ers and wild food fans: Two upcoming events are right up your paths.

Follow chef Randy Rucker down one path for a Tapas on the Trails evening Saturday, February 11, at the Houston Arboretum. The food-filled evening will showcase Rucker's foraging interests as he leads a group through the Arboretum's trails with tastings along the way. The cost is $75 for Arboretum members, $85 for non-members and features an endcap of sparkling wine, coffees and desserts prepared by Chef Dan Budd.

A few days later, get wild with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department as it joins up with Central Market to lead a cooking class on Thursday, February 15, showcasing wild fish and game. The class will feature TPWD experts on hand to answer questions about game, conservation and the great outdoors

Freeman will also teach participants to cook a variety of dishes -- most of which use olive oil -- such as redfish salad, Jack Daniels-marinated quail, wild boar with fig and port wine, and a peppercorn-encrusted venison. The class takes place from 5 to 9 p.m. on February 16 and costs $50 a person.

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photo by Julie Soefer.

There's no excuse fellas. The "I CRAVE U" box from Crave Cupcakes doesn't even require exiting your vehicle.

​It isn't hard to figure out why dining and chocolate candy play such a prominent role in Valentine's Day celebrations. Eating is, by nature, extremely sensual. Few activities are capable of pleasurably and simultaneously stimulating the senses of touch, taste, smell, and sight like eating a fabulous meal. Okay, we can think of one other, and yet food, especially chocolate, sometimes ranks higher. And if you just went by the noises overheard at a five star restaurant -- heavy-lidded wows, slow-moaned oh-my-Gods, spontaneous four-letter expletives, and wild exclamations of approval -- it might be hard to differentiate between the two.

The point is, if you're hoping for an evening of passion on Valentine's Day, a sumptuous dinner is fantastic foreplay. Restaurants wise to this fact will go all out get you through their door, and we've listed a few of the more tantalizing lures below. Just remember that crowds are likely - even on the 11th and 12th -- so always play it safe and make a reservation.

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Photo by Olivia Flores Alvarez

This notice of closure was posted outside Guadalajara Bakery this morning.

​After 45 years in business along Washington Avenue, Guadalajara Bakery is closing its doors on February 29. Unlike previous closing scares for the longtime breakfast taco purveyor, this one is concrete: New owners purchased the building and gave the family 30 days notice to vacate. A bar is planned for the space.

Imagine that. Even though most people in Houston are predicting the swift end to Washington Avenue's piss-saturated party scene much in the same way that the Richmond Strip is now a thing of the past, but -- sure -- go ahead and build yet another bar in an area already saturated with ones that serve bad beer and regularly turn away people of color and aren't long for this earth. In the meantime, a family-owned business that's served its community and legions of loyal fans for nearly half a century will be kicked to the curb, as the family has no plans to reopen.

In other vastly disappointing news, a Dallas-based Tex-Mex chain that CultureMap's Sarah Rufca describes as "the preferred restaurant for suburban Dallas MILFs" is moving into the old space vacated by Ruby Tequila's in Midtown. Gloria's plans to open this spring. Great.

And speaking of insufferable bastions of douchedom, Dorsia -- previously known as the notorious "members-only" laughingstock of Houston that cost at least $2,000 a year to join -- is now open to the public. Let's hope the great unwashed masses don't ruin the "exclusive" vibe of the place. The only silver lining here: Riccardo Palazzo-Giorgio of the late, great Sabetta has been hired on as Dorsia's chef, according to food maven Jenny Wang. I'd enter the gates of hell to have Palazzo-Giorgio's food available on a regular basis, so I'm certainly willing to brave Dorsia for it.

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Photos by Jeremy Parzen.

Uchi's executive chef Tyson Cole's cooking combines the traditional, experimental, and ambitious in a marriage of eastern and western gastronomy. But what about his wine list?

​There's a lot riding on the launch of the new Uchi in Houston. Tyson Cole's Austin outposts -- Uchi and Uchiko -- stand apart as "destination" restaurants in Texas, venues that have attained national recognition in part because of Cole's success as a competitive chef on television and in part because of the sheer novelty of high-end, high-concept, and high-profile Japanese-inspired cuisine in landlocked Central Texas.

As a native Southern Californian, I was skeptical about Japanese cuisine in Texas. It would be hard to rival, I imagined, the availability of ingredients and the local culinary traditions of my home state, where Japanese nationals have lived and thrived for more than century. (The tragic story of discrimination against Japanese in East Texas in the early part of the twentieth century is too often glossed over in the annals of Texas history. All of those rice fields between Houston and Orange to the north of Interstate 10? They were all planted by Japanese before Federal law made it illegal for them to own land there.)

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​This week, I stopped into Royal Oak to chat with Brant, a.k.a. "The Marshall." Inspired by some Civil War documentaries he had been watching a few weeks ago, Brant cultivated a mustache and chops, adorned his vest with a badge, and got behind the bar. He said that as the night wore on, folks started yelling "get shots from the Marshall," and it just sort of stuck. "Plus," he said, "for some reason, people have a hard time with Brant. B-R-A-N-T. It's just one letter off from a more common name, but I guess 'The Marshall' is just easier."

I got to know a little bit about Royal Oak and The Marshall while sipping one of his signature drinks, the Ginger Slap.

Where are you from?
Dallas-Fort Worth. I moved to Houston in '06.

How long have you been bartending at Royal Oak?
I started a few weeks after it opened, in December of 2010.

What are some other jobs you've had besides bartending?
I spent about a decade in telecom. I really had a passion for wireless because it's always changing. The nerd in me really loved that part.

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Mark Woolcott, used with permission from Fluff Bake Bar

Buy a box of Rebecca Mason's famous Fluffernutters and help homeless dogs at the same time.

​Want something better to give on Valentine's Day than a last-minute heart-shaped box of mediocre chocolates from the drug store? Several local bakers are offering baked goods and other items that you can order in advance and pick up when the big day is closer.

Fluff Bake Bar and Fat Cat Creamery

One of Houston's best-known pastry chefs, Rebecca Mason of Fluff Bake Bar, has joined forces with Fat Cat Creamery to offer an array of goodies available for pick up. Rebecca's famous Fluffernutters are an option, as well as an intriguing Sweet Treat Gift Box that contains four each of brownies, cupcakes and cookies. Gorgeous French macarons are available, and Rebecca says her new chocolates are yummy.

Fat Cat Creamery is offering a special ice cream flavor as well: Vanilla with Chocolate Covered Cherry.

As an added bonus, when you indulge in these sweet treats, you're helping a good cause as well. Forty percent of sales go to Lucky Dog Rescue, a non-profit fostering organization that finds homes for stray and abandoned dogs. Altruism makes everything taste even better.

These are just a few of their offerings for the Valentine's Bake Sale, so check out the rest of menu at the Lucky Dog web site.

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Photo by Groovehouse

As seen at our Cupcake Smackdown, people go nuts over tiny cakes.

​For the next 20 weeks, we'll be rounding up the runners-up to our 2011 Best of Houston® winners. In many categories, picking each year's winner is no easy task. We'll be spotlighting 20 of those categories, in which the winner had hefty competition from other Houston bars and restaurants.

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Photo by Ed T.

It doesn't have to look like the old Felix stuff, but you'd better guaran-goddamn-tee that you've got some queso at your Super Bowl party.

​Leading up to this Sunday's showdown between the Giants and the Patriots (go Big Blue!), we've been offering up recipes and ideas for those of you brave souls who are hosting Super Bowl parties at home. And if you've decided that you don't want to take the easy way out by ordering a party pack of barbecue, here are some tips to keep in mind this Sunday.

According to my wonderful Facebook friends, all of the things below are must-haves for any Super Bowl viewing party. Although I've successfully managed to avoid attending most Super Bowl parties throughout my 31 years (too much yelling, and far too much forced fraternization with the often-boring significant others of acquaintances or co-workers), these are all foods and beverages which I can attest to having seen at every Super Bowl function I've attended. (Many of these standards can also be seen at other important Texas gatherings: church potlucks, funerals, graduation parties, quinceñearas, etc.) Your mileage may vary.

10. Tortilla pinwheels

I think these are the pimento cheese sandwiches of Texas. You see them everywhere and no one can actually remember who brought them to the party. They just appear mysteriously, like Brigadoon, before fading back into the post-game mist. But not before you've polished most of them off, because they're actually crazy delicious.

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Photo by John Suh

Spurkey? (Spam: the turkey version)

​Ah, yes, that mysterious block of meat housed in the blue and yellow can. In 2007, the seven billionth can of Spam was sold. On average, 3.8 cans are eaten every second in the U.S. alone. Since its inception in 1937, Spam has become part of American pop culture--it has acted in films, been acquired by the Smithsonian, and now even has a museum of its own. Indeed, Spam is a rock star.

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