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Welcome back to Eating Our Words' weekly round-up, where the beer flows like honey, and vice versa (our still is broken, and our bees are drunk). Speaking of honey, Robb Walsh had an interesting look at cucuzza blossom honey, which is the honey from a Sicilian squash used primarily by the Cosa Nostra. Sarah Rufka had a look at the late-night scene at Houston staple Dot's, where we were reminded yet again that gravy makes everything better. It does; we keep a small vial in our pocket for disinfecting minor cuts and bruises.

As part of the ongoing Texas Traveler series, Brittanie Shey stopped by the Southern Star brewery in Conroe, which was started by a couple of guys who met playing Frisbee golf, when one of their Frisbees accidentally knocked a leprechaun unconscious. A few wishes later, and they've got their own beer company and are married to twin Megan Foxes. In less ridiculous news, Katharine Shilcutt investigated the fancy-pants food at the Inn at Dos Brisas in the Hill Country, and was pleased by the only Relais and Chateaux eatery in Texas, "Relais and Chateaux" of course being French for "Pricey, but they age their own cheese."

Ziggy's Healthy Grill vs. Mama's Cafe

When we asked our followers on Twitter which foods they'd like to see featured in the new weekly food fight, at least one response was [oddly] overwhelming: meatloaf. Personally, meatloaf is one of those items -- much like chicken and dumplings or cornbread -- that's best cooked and enjoyed at home. Unless the restaurants themselves are classics, they tend to take classics like meatloaf and screw them up beyond recognition, tweaking a perfectly serviceable dish with unnecessary additions and twists.

At its core, meatloaf is a very basic dish that -- if made correctly to begin with -- doesn't need any fancy sauces or garnishes. It's so basic, in fact, that the only true condiment that belongs on meatloaf aside from the sauce is a dollop or two of ketchup to spread around. This is comfort food at its most fundamental and most unfussy.

All that aside, the people demanded Battle Meatloaf, and Battle Meatloaf they shall receive.

We sampled the meatloaf at two highly-recommended yet disparate restaurants: Mama's Cafe on Westheimer and Ziggy's Healthy Grill on Fairview. Mama's is the epitome of old-school country cooking, all wood-paneled walls and cutesy sayings stenciled on yet more pieces of wood. Ziggy's is the epitome of Montrose, with a giant rainbow flag flying outside and an almost antagonistically healthy menu. Who would win?

Photo by Sarah Rufka

If you want to chat up Benjy's barkeep Trey Lindberg -- and why wouldn't you? He's cute and makes a seriously decent mojito -- then bring up football. Trey, a former high school player, Texans season ticket holder and aspiring coach, is obsessed. He's on a flag league out in Katy, where he does not live. "You'd think that since it's flag football, it's just going to be regular guys," he says, "but no, these are ex-semi-pro players, college players and whatnot."

During the fall, he doesn't work on Saturday, Sunday or Monday nights so he can watch all the games -- college and pro. And getting his employers to work around this pigskin schedule is nothing new. "I had a backpacking job in Davy Crockett National Forest (near Lufkin). We would do backpacking tours where we'd go out for eight days straight. When it came time for pre-season, I was like, I can't stay because I have to be up on my sports. The very next day a guy comes out in this four-wheeler and drops off a battery-powered TV. He's like, 'Here you go, but don't let anybody else see this.'"

Photo courtesy of Houstonian

Some restaurants epitomize the soul of their cities. There's Brown's Diner and the Pancake Pantry in Nashville, cheese-steak joints like Pat's and Geno's Steaks in Philly, and many a corner pizzeria in Chicago and NYC.

For Houston, Frenchy's is just as iconic. The Creuzot family's fried chicken / Creole chain is quintessentially old school Houston, a spiced-up Gulf Coast variation on Old South cooking. Frenchy's is part of the culture here. Generations of TSU and UH students have come up on their fare, and local rappers sing its praises and show it off to visiting reporters. Just the other day, local musician/Marfa club owner David Beebe was attempting to explain the greatness of Third Ward-bred pimpariffic musical genius Johnny "Guitar" Watson, and he came up with this: "He's my idol even beyond Doug Sahm -- the ultimate Texas rocker with a solid helping of Frenchy's, an H-Town rep to the Nth degree."

As with Watson, so it is with Frenchy's, which celebrates its 40th anniversary this weekend with two events.

This week's roundup feature retail bakeries cited by the health department for sugar-dusted food-service blunders during the past two weeks.

On the wholesale front, Sammy's Bakery (11331 Bissonnet) was caught with an overflowing garbage container in its food service area There are also no paper towels or hand blowers near the sinks, so I suppose one must use the old thigh-of-the-pants leg-drying method before handling a crescent of dough. Meanwhile, the floor over at another wholesaler, Yen Huong Bakery (1203 Chartres), is "not constructed of smooth, durable materials," like marble or quartz or something else of unspecified resilience. Both businesses, says the Houston Health Department, also have poorly maintained walls, we suppose to match the floors.

Photos by Katharine Shilcutt

Local eating club Houston Chowhounds held its second annual BBQ Smackdown this past Saturday afternoon at Pearl Bar, where brisket and ribs from six area restaurants competed to determine the best 'cue in town. Last year's competition saw entries from Swinging Door, Pierson's, Goode Co., Burns BBQ, Luling City Market and Kozy Kitchen. Pierson & Co. walked away with the top brisket prize last year, while Luling captured the ribs crown.

This year, the top three barbecue restaurants in both categories came to defend their status. Pierson's, Luling and Burns BBQ went up against Virgie's, Thelma's and Vincek's. Virgie's would have competed last year had it been open when the pick-up was scheduled, but a miscommunication and family emergency meant it was out of the running. Between Virgie's eagerness to defend its honor this go-around and Thelma's efforts to recapture patrons since reopening after a devastating fire, the group of competitors was fiercely driven.

The dozens of people who attended the event served as judges, grabbing score sheets as they came in and evaluating the ribs and brisket in areas like tenderness, smoke, flavor and moistness. In the end, though, only two restaurants reigned supreme.

Photo by dalboz17

A recent item in Details magazine declared the torta the next trendy sandwich, following on the heels of the banh mi and before that, the panini. The article continued with the best places to get one, and drew attention to a sandwich in Oregon made with ciabatta. Newsflash, Yankees: We've been eating tortas for years, and we like our three kinds of meat, guacamole and refried beans on telera bread, thank you very much.

Here are a few highlights from our illustrious, torta-eating history:

• All the way back in 1997, Jim Sherman pondered why the torta hadn't become more popular, given America's penchant for sandwiches.
• Robb Walsh tried the torta Cubana ala Mexicana at Mi Tienda. It's a towering variation of Miami's pressed Cuban sandwich.
• Breakfast torta, anyone? We recommended La Guadalupana, where the bread is baked in-house and the egg and chorizo combination is delicious.
• More recently, Robb Walsh explored his personal history with the torta (which began in Oregon? C'mon, Robb!) and recommended a few good options such as the Pepito at Tortas El Angel on Shepherd.

Photo by J.C. Reid

Two of Houston's best culinary traditions are taco trucks and burger joints. Houston food lovers like myself are often racked with indecision when choosing between the two for a quick lunch or dinner -- tacos or burgers? Which taco truck? Which burger joint?

On a recent lunch outing I came up with the perfect solution -- go to my favorite taco truck, pick up some tacos, then go to a burger joint and eat tacos and a burger together. Great idea. But then it hit me. Why eat them separately? The taco filling would make a great topping for a burger. It's a match made in heaven.

Putting the plan into action, I went to a favorite neighborhood taco truck, Tierra Caliente on Montrose near West Gray. I ordered my favorite, tacos de lengua. For non-taco truck aficionados, that's beef tongue tacos. It may sound strange but it's a standard menu item and very tasty.

I then headed to my favorite burger joint: Hubcap Grill downtown. I ordered a single-meat, plain, with cheese. The owner looked at me suspiciously but placed the order anyway. When the burger arrived I removed the bun and dumped the taco contents on to the beef patty. I added generous dollops of the red and green sauce that came with the tacos.

Guy Fieri

Once again, a national eye has turned to Houston, which the rest of the country tends to dismiss out of hand as not being a food town. Guy Fieri's popular Food Network show -- Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives -- has spent the last few weeks filming at various restaurants around town, leading to massive speculation about which "dives" were being visited. Because Houston is a city that takes its dives just as seriously as its fine dining, food lovers throughout the town were worried that a national TV show wouldn't be able to adequately capture the essence of our enormous city in only a few snippets. Moreso, they were worried that the "wrong" restaurants would be chosen to represent Houston.

Message boards and emails were aflutter with fretful murmurs of "What if they choose a Fertitta operation?" and "They're never going to choose the right burger place...they'll end up at Cliff's." But as the word got out from restaurant owners and insiders about which places were chosen, it appeared the unlikely had happened: They actually chose somewhat well.

Which restaurants were chosen to appear on the show? Find out after the jump.