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In keeping with the Aggie-bashing fun, I bring you the return of college football police blotter...

The story begins on November 29, 2007, when two men staged a home invasion at the Callaway Vista Apartments in Bryan-College Station. One of the men was armed, and the victim suffered minor injuries.

This incident leads to the events of yesterday, in which Aggie football players Yemi Babalola and Brandon Joiner were arrested and indicted on two counts each of aggravated robbery.

Too bad Zach Corcoran wasn’t a football field.

The Aggies and their Corps of Cadets operate on tradition. Sure, there's the stuff with that dang dog, but don't you dare step foot on their football field. Because that football field is sacred. And if you step foot on the turf, the Corps will attack.

For instance, cadets will punch people in the face if they step on the field, as happened in 2002 after Nebraska beat A&M in College Station. (However, it is interesting that cadets who punch out fans at football games are at least charged and fined.) There was also the incident in 1995, after UT defeated the Aggies at Kyle Field. And don't forget about the brave cadet who drew a sword on a SMU cheerleader in order to defend the turf.

Todd Graham may think being called a douchebag by The MOB is tough, but he should be thankful he’s not Rich Rodriguez, and he should be thankful that he hasn’t just left West Virginia for Michigan.

Rich Rodriguez is the highly sought after football coach who revitalized the West Virginia football program and to whom millions of dollars were given to take over the Michigan football problem. There was just one problem: Rodriguez was under contract.

The MOB just resorts to calling a coach a douchebag when he splits, leaving the school stuck with no coach despite a contract. But the people of West Virginia don’t think the same way as those at Rice – some might even question the ability of West Virginians to think in the first place.

The Chron is reporting that UH Athletic Director Dave Maggard will be calling a press conference for tomorrow to announce that Kevin Sumlin will be the new head coach of the Cougar football team.

Sumlin, 43, is currently the co-offensive coordinator, passing-game coordinator and wide receivers coach for the Oklahoma Sooners, where he has coached for the past five years. Sumlin has previously been an assistant coach at Washington State, Wyoming, Minnesota, Purdue and Texas A&M.

This moves comes somewhat out of left field, as most of the recent talk has centered on former Cougar head coach Jack Pardee and current Notre Dame offensive coordinator Michael Haywood.

The University of Houston’s search for a new head coach has, sadly enough, brought back to life an embarrassing tic of the local sports media: Jack Pardee worship.

UH, for some reason, has reportedly picked the geriatric Pardee as one of two finalists for the job. Which means we’re getting hit once again with tales of what a noble, decent, upstanding Man he is.

Bullshit.

File this in the “least surprising sports event of 2007” category: It looks like Atlanta Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino is ready to take his ball and go home. Less than one year after accepting the Atlanta gig, Petrino appears headed back to the (relatively) safe haven of the college ranks. According to the report, the former Louisville coach is on the verge of filling the head coach vacancy at the University of Arkansas.

Anyone familiar with Petrino saw this coming from a mile away. In fact, I did. Here’s what I wrote the same day Petrino signed up to coach the Falcons:

“Do you ever catch yourself wondering how professional sports owners actually became millionaires? I mean, surely they're a business-savvy lot who achieved success thanks to a boatload of clever, cunning decisions, right? So why on earth do they repeatedly make fools of themselves in the sports arena with bone-headed moves that show no sign of learning from past mistakes?

Living in Texas, you can’t avoid “marooned out” folks. There’s always been something a little creepy about them too. After flipping through Jady Regard’s Born to Be an Aggie, it’s finally clear why. The Aggies are a cult! And the kid’s book tells the tale of one boy entering the fold. Consider these attributes that many cults share, and see if the book doesn’t demonstrate each in spades.

1. A strong leader. Okay, in this instance it’s a dog: “Just behind the band, Reveille, the first lady of Aggieland, makes her grand appearance. Surrounding her are the cadets of Company E-2, they care for her day and night and make sure she never misses a big event like a home football game.” Or, you could say the leader is the “12th Man,” who’s about as confusing as the Holy Ghost. He appears to be both one person and every Aggie: “Kyle Field is home to the 12th Man and nobody leads the 12th Man like the Yell Leaders. The Yell Leaders are also called the Keepers of the Spirit.”

2. Shared dressing habits. You need only look at the book’s illustrations. Or listen to our young protagonist: “…everyone was marooned out! I don’t think I have ever seen so much maroon in one place before.”

I’m a UH grad. I want my school to succeed in all endeavors. Including football. And while I hate to see Art Briles leave the school, I understand his reasoning and wish him well. But things are taking a turn for the bad, and I’m not very happy.

First there’s the fact that one of the candidates for the job is Michael Haywood, the offensive coordinator for Notre Dame. What’s surprising about this is that I didn’t know Notre Dame had an offensive coordinator, primarily because I didn’t know Notre Dame had an offense. And frankly, I don’t want anybody from a major program like Notre Dame, especially someone who has never been a head coach. The Coogs need to get someone who’s used to dealing with mid-major status, and with funding issues.

And, believe it or not, there are coaches out there who are used to dealing with these issues. That’s who UH should be talking with.

Wow, Ohio State versus LSU for the BCS Title Game. Does anyone really believe that these are the two best college football teams in the country? I know I sure don’t.

Now let me see if I understand this whole BCS selection process. If you fail to defeat a top ranked team, you get to go to the National Championship Game. If you fail to win your conference, or even your division, and you fail to defeat any ranked teams, you get to play in a BCS Bowl Game while the team that defeated you, and won the division, gets to go to a mediocre bowl game.

And it gets better. If you lose three games, don’t win your conference, and play in an overrated conference, you, too, get to go to a BCS Bowl Game.

The college football regular season ends this weekend. And all I can say is it’s about time. I mean, we’re looking at a BCS Championship Game of Missouri versus West Virginia.

Yawn.

There are two really important games this weekend, and they’re both going on at the same time on Saturday night. Starting at 6:45, ESPN will be televising Pittsburgh at West Virginia. And at 7:00, ABC will have Missouri versus Oklahoma. If West Virginia and Missouri win, that sets the BCS title game. If they lose, then it’s more of the standard chaos that has so dominated this season.

Tulsa athletic director Bubba Cunningham recently let it be known that “we need to provide an environment where a student-athlete can participate and fans can enjoy college athletics in a very positive way.”

Cunningham made this statement as he was filing a complaint about the Rice marching band, The MOB, calling Tulsa coach Todd Graham a douchebag. And I suppose Cunningham does have a point. The student-athlete should be able to participate in and enjoy sports in a very positive way.

Which makes me wonder how an asshole like Bobby Knight is still coaching.

Well, it's now official. Art Briles is off to Baylor. As I said, if he finds a way to win at that program, he's on the fast track to the big time. If he fails, he's on the fast track to Division II.

What's going to be interesting to me is what UH officials now do in terms of a replacement. Are they going to try and recycle some big name who's been out of the game for awhile? Are they going to try to find some young hotshot who'll be looking to use this program as a chance to make the Briles vault to the big time? Are they going to try and play it safe with some guy who's used to the UH-mid-major-type situation?

The word on the street is that University of Houston football coach Art Briles is interviewing for Baylor’s open head coaching job (various Houston-area sports radio stations are reporting that Briles has actually already signed a contract. I’m going with the Chron’s Michael Murphy on this in saying that Briles has yet to sign.)

I’m not going to wail away at Briles for signing a big extension last season then bolting the school at his first chance. This isn’t a Todd Graham thing where he’s only been at the school for one year then bolts for a mediocre school in the same conference. Believe it or not, but in the coaching world, Baylor would probably be an upgrade over the Coogs.

Okay, let me see if I have this straight: the douchebag head of a mid-major college athletic program contacts the douchebag head coach of a rival college football team about quitting that job and coming to coach at his school. The douchebag coach, knowing of his offer from the douchebag Athletic Director, starts discussions with his current employer about a contract extension. Based on these negotiations, the douchebag coach goes to the douchebag AD with his demands, which the douchebag AD meets. The douchebag coach, after saying everything was great at his job, suddenly bolts to join the douchebag AD and trashes the school he's been coaching.

Now we flash forward a year and douchebag coach and douchebag AD and their school venture to the stadium of douchebag coach's former school for a football game. The band of the douchebag coach's former school then mocks this coach in its halftime show, and closes the program by calling the coach a douchebag. The response of the douchebag's school is to file a complaint with the conference since, as douchebag AD says, mocking the coach and calling him a douchebag isn't very sportsmanlike.

So the Aggies went out and replaced Coach Fran with Mike Sherman. I’m not going to get into the coaching merits of Mike Sherman, although I do have to wonder just what it is that colleges see in Texan offensive coordinators. Do they even bother watching Texan games?

I just want to get into something that I heard on the radio Sunday morning, before the hiring was official.

The Chron’s NFL expert, John McClain, was doing his bit on the 610 radio show and he was asked about Sherman and the Aggie job. He was asked if Sherman’s GM/coaching gig at Green Bay should have any relevance on the Aggies decision.