Well, even though rumors are increasing that Tony La Russa might be on the market come this off-season, it appears that Drayton McLane is more concerned with keeping Bud Selig happy than he is in fielding a winning team, because the Astros just named Cecil Cooper as the team's manager for next season.
Cooper's been working under the interim tag.
We need more award shows in our life, don’t we? Absolutely nothing consistently delivers the comedy goods like watching the entertainment industry give itself one giant, drunken, drugged-up pat on the back. So since it’s been a couple weeks since Rosie O’Donnell wowed us with her best Britney Spears impression at the VMAs (Oh, that actually was Brit-Brit performing? You don’t say.), I figured I’d go ahead and fill the void by handing out some more hardware to the NFL’s best (and worst).
To the Green Bay Packers, who are inexplicably riding a seven game winning streak, dating back to last year. Before the season began, experts were debating whether Quarterbackasaurus (aka Brett Favre) needed to step aside and let Aaron Rodgers take over the QB position in the land of cheese, beer and brats. Now, Favre is getting more love than Blanche Devereaux (What? You stopped watching the Golden Girls twenty years ago? Ummm… So did I) and the Packers are the odds-on favorites to win the watered-down NFC North. Go figure.
The Lucifer, Prince of Darkness “Shhh, just lay low, keep your mouth shut and maybe nobody will notice you” Award
To the Pittsburgh Steelers, who are flying under the radar despite a perfect record and an average margin of victory approaching 25 points per game. One kind of gets the feeling that the Steelers are perfectly content watching New England and Indy get all the attention, since it allows Pittsburgh to silently ensnare their victims; just like the Dark Lord, who finally figured out he was much better off ditching that Exorcist-style shit and simply playing it cool, so that people would just eventually believe he didn’t even exist. Nice thinking, Satan. High five. Of course, just like the Devil, the Steelers are destined to lose in the end. Sorry, minions of Hell (aka Steeler fans); but when your opponent is God (aka Bill Belichick), you don’t stand a chance.
The Fergie “Everything looks great until you see her up close” Award
Just a reminder, I’m picking against the spread as established by the point spread of my office pool, the point spread was set by that office as of noon Wednesday.
1. The Texans are favored by 3 points over the Falcons. I’ve been getting lots of flack for not having bought into the hype. Tell you what, if the Texans want me to be a believer, they better win this game big. The Falcons are injured. They’re 0-3. Joey Harrington’s the starting QB. Their best defender may be suspended for part of the game. In years past, after a game like last week’s, the Texans would come into this type of game and get blown out. I’m picking the Texans this week. Even with all of the injury issues. And I think the Texans will win by a lot.
2. The Cowboys are picked to destroy the Rams by 11.5 points. I’m beginning to buy the Cowboys hype. And the Rams are beat up – QB Marc Bulger is injured but should play , while star running back Stephen Jackson will miss at least this game and probably more. This all tells me that I should take the Cowboys, but though I think the Cowboys will win the game, I think the Rams will keep it close. So, take the Rams and the points.
3. The Jets are traveling to Buffalo where they’re favored by 3.5 points over the Bills. The 0-3 Bills have been a big disappointment so far this season, and I don’t think anyone’s ever really sure about what to expect from the 1-2 Jets. This week, I’m expecting the Jets to beat up on the Bills.
4. The Eagles are 3 point favorites over the home team Giants. The Eagles offense woke up last week. The Giants offense disappeared for the first half, but showed up to catch the Redskins at the end of the game. I think both coaches are close to making the dead man walking list. I’m picking the Giants.
Welcome back to another weekend of college football. Let’s get started.
The big game, as far as I’m concerned, is at Robertson Stadium where the 2-1 Houston Cougars are taking on the 1-3 East Carolina Pirates. This is the Conference USA home opener for the Cougars. The Coogs appear to have settled on their quarterback, at least for this week. Case Keenum is getting the start after coming off the bench last week to spark the offense to that second half comeback over the Colorado State Rams.
I like this decision. Keenum’s had turnover problems, and his arm strength is not the best of the UH QBs, but he has the ability to make Art Briles’s offense click. If you can’t make this game in person, then make sure to catch it at 6:00 p.m. on 790 AM.
The surprising 3-1 Baylor Bears are journeying to Kyle Field to take on the 3-1 Aggies. The Bears haven’t really defeated a good team this season, and they should have problems with the Aggies, except the Bears always find a way to play the Aggies tough. At A&M, the fun’s already started. And by fun, I mean the Fire Dennis Franchione Web sites have sprung back to life after last week’s defeat to Miami.
The Astros won last night, beating Cincinnati 4-3. That was the third straight win for the Astros and the sixth win in their last eight games. Leave it to the Astros to wait until the last week of the season to figure out how to win. I guess Cecil Cooper’s really serious about keeping this job for next season.
Dave Borkowski – yep, he’s still on the team – got the win, and though he gave up a run in the ninth, everyone’s favorite, Brad Lidge, held on for save number 18. The Astros scored two runs in their half of the ninth to take the lead.
Oh, speaking of still being on the team, Cecil Cooper found out that Mike Lamb was still on the team and started him last night. This may be our last week to ever see Craig Biggio in the Astros uniform, but it’s also probably going to be the last week to see Mike Lamb in one.
Oh, and here’s an interesting little stat from yesterday’s game. According to Bill Brown and Jim Deshaies, this game was the only one played in the National League yesterday that had no significance to the NL playoff chase.
Makes you proud to be an Astro fan, huh?
But screw the Astros. Here’s an update on the pennant races.
The AL playoff teams are set, and for those of you hoping Roger Clemens's signing with the Yankees would go bad for both parties, you'll be disappointed. The AL teams are Boston, New York, Cleveland, and Anaheim (yes, I know it's actually Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, but I just don't want to type that -- like, I, err, uh, just did). But who plays who is yet to be decided. The BoSox have a three-game lead on the Yankees with four games left, so it's conceivable that the Yankees, who were left for dead in May, can still win the AL East. And Cleveland has 94-64 record while Anaheim is 92-67. The Wild Card plays the team with the best record, unless that team is in its own division. Then it would play the team with the second best record.
So, if the AL playoffs started today, Boston would play Anaheim and New York would play Cleveland. However, it's still possible that Anaheim can catch the Indians and get that second best record, in which it would host the Wild Card team, which is probably to be the Yankees.
Does any of that make sense?
Then just wait while I try to explain the National League, where not a single team has clinched a playoff spot.
For instance, take this blog posting from my buddy Richard Justice. It’s not much, it’s just Richard making his best guess at what next season’s opening day lineup will look like. And I can’t argue with it, too much.
This would’ve made me mad in the past. Not Justice’s post, but what Justice was proposing. I’d be pissed because of that lineup. Because of how that lineup is so close to this year’s lineup. So close to that great lineup that the team has been fielding this year. For those who don’t want to jump over to Justice, what he proposed for the lineup was the winning combination of Chris Burke at second, Ty Wigginton at third, Adam Everett at short, Lance Berkman at first, Carlos Lee in left, Hunter Pence in right, J.R. Towles at catcher, and the new addition of Aaron Rowand in center. Oh, and my favorite, Brad Lidge as closer.
The Astros won a slugfest last night, 7-6, over the Cincinnati Reds. But that’s not the real news. The news is that Roy Oswalt is shutting it down for the season. But that’s still not the real news. No, the real news is that I agree with Jesus Ortiz about this.
(Waiting patiently for you to pick yourself up off of the floor.)
JCF: First things first: You guys resembled a MASH unit after last Sunday’s game with the Colts. We already know you’ll be without your top two wideouts this week. Is the running back situation just as dire?
BP: Well, Ron Dayne took most of the snaps in practice today and I’m not sure about the status of Ahman Green. As far as I know, he’s playing. He’s just going to rest his knee for the next couple of days, but I expect to see him on the field on Sunday.
JCF: I know players are drilled to put injuries and other distractions out of their minds, but are you actually able to do that when so many guys are banged up?
BP: You try to, but when some of your go-to guys are going down left and right, you can’t help but think “Man, when does it end?” Fortunately, none of our guys have sustained real serious injuries that would keep them out for more than a couple of weeks. So that’s the bright side of it; knowing that we are going to get them back.
JCF: Obviously, the most serious injury occurred when Cedric Killings went down with a fractured vertebra. What goes through your mind when you see a teammate motionless on the ground like that?
I'm sure that most of you have either seen, heard, or read about San Diego Padres outfielder Milton Bradley's run-in with first base umpire Mike Winters on Sunday afternoon (it's the run-in that brought about the Astros dumping Jason Lane on the Pads).
Bradley got into an argument with Winters after he discovered that Winters had accused him of tossing a bat at the home plate umpire. After a loud of exchange of words, Bradley charged after Winters. In the tussle, Padres manager Bud Black tackled Bradley before he could get connect with the umpire -- arguing with an umpire is a lot less of a suspension than making physical contact with an umpire. Bradley tore up one of his ACLs in the tackle, and will miss the rest of this season, as well as most of next season.
The Astros won last night, defeating the Cincinnati Reds 8-5. That was win 69 for the Astros. Hunter Pence hit home run number 16. Brad Lidge got the save. There are five games left in this season.
And I’ve got nothing.
Sorry, I know you all come here looking for me to shout at the ‘Stros. And make insults and bad jokes.
But I’ve just got nothing.
Later. – John Royal
I know I've been giving Shasta a hard time lately (as has much of the country), but when you get your ass kicked by the Oregon Duck, that's going to happen.
So, Shasta, I want you to watch this video. This is how a mascot should act. Notice that the Kansas City Wolf doesn't run away. He eagerly runs to the action. Notice that he doesn't run screaming to the cheerleaders for protection. Notice that he eagerly jumps onto the pile to get in a few shots.
And Shasta, remember, we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you. -- John Royal
The biggest smackdown of the college football season started in a parking lot in Troy, Alabama. That’s where Daily Oklahoman sports columnist Jenni Carlson saw Oklahoma State quarterback Bobby Reid eating chicken. Or rather, being fed chicken by his mama. Reid—once considered the second coming of Vince Young at Galena Park North Shore—had just lost his starting job. Oklahoma State had been humiliated by then 0-2 Troy on ESPN. And Carlson had found the perfect metaphor for the über-talented, under-achieving Reid. Chicken.
Carlson used this and other second-hand anecdotes to argue that Reid’s biggest flaw was his attitude. The column makes Reid out to be a spoiled, narcissistic baby. He’s on the sideline, laughing it up as his team gets smoked by Troy. He’s constantly threatening to transfer because of a lack of playing time.
For those of you just tuning in: John Royal said this. Jason Friedman said this. And now John Royal responds below.
The Texans played hard. They got to within a touchdown. They had injuries. And the poor Texans had to play without Andre Johnson. And the poor Texans lost Ahman Green to an entirely predictable injury in the second quarter. Then they lost Steve McKinney. And Jacoby Jones.
Tell you what. Cry me a freakin' river.
With apologies to The Mamas & The Papas.
“Stepped his way on towards first base
Well, Milton got down with the ump and played head case
You know Bud Black liked him calm – and now Milton’s gone away.
California dreamin’, Lane’s gone to the Padres.’”
Hey, Ed, I’m sorry. I take it back. Maybe you do know what you’re doing. That other guy would have never able to get rid of Jason Lane, yet you found a sucker to take him with less than a week left in the season.
