The MLB non-waiver trading deadline has come and gone. And little Timmy Purpura pulled off a trade.
Yep, he's paid the San Diego Padres to take Morgan Ensberg off of the Astros' hands.
That's right. The Astros paid the Padres to take Morgan Ensberg. That's the trade.
Well, it’s possible that today is going to be Milestone Tuesday.
Milestones as in Barry Bonds possibly tying Henry Aaron’s home run record. Milestones such as Alex Rodriguez hitting home run number 500. Milestones such as Tom Glavine getting his 300th victory. Milestones such as Tim Purpura once again displaying his incompetence.
Before I start in on the Astros, I just wanted to say I hope all of you read yesterday’s Chron, especially its story on Houston sports talk radio. It’s not bad. But I can’t help thinking I’ve read it before. Oh, yeah. That’s right. Richard Connelly wrote the definitive story on this topic last month. But who am I to expect original, in-depth reporting from the Chron? (But, Rich, tell me, did Barron pay you any royalties for ripping off your story?)
Now, on with the Astros.
Jesus Ortiz wrote yesterday that Jason Jennings was drawing interest from other teams, and that he could be traded by Tuesday. That was before the game.
Then Jennings went out and pitched.
Juggernaut? Surely I can't be serious. Yes, I am. And don't call me Shirley. (Isn't it sad that I can still do Airplane jokes? Hopefully I'm not the only one who still quotes that movie.)
Okay, I'm not really serious (and I'm still not Shirley). Primarily because, even though the Astros are actually one game over .500 for this month, and even the Astros have won four of the last five games, the team's still 12 games under .500 and still trail the Brewers by 11 games with 60 games left to play in the season. If the Astros play .500 ball for the rest of the season, which is possible, the team still finishes with only 75 wins. If the team wins 40 out of the remaining 60, which is possible, it finishes with 85 wins. The Brewers could go 29-31 and still tie the Astros. And currently, the hottest team in baseball is the Chicago Cubs, who are 53-47 and only two games behind the Brewers.
The Craig Biggio Retirement Tour continued last night, as the Astros won a second straight game, defeating the Los Angeles Dodgers 2-1. However, except for applying a tag on a sliding Jeff Kent, Biggio made no real contributions to last night's game.
Unless, of course, you count the Craig is God factor and agree that Craig could sit at second in a wheelchair and the team would come out ahead because his greatness washes over the entire team.
I don't.
There were many questions in the weeks before its hyped-up release: Why the hell did they put Jared Zabransky on the cover and not Tim Tebow? Can Tim Tebow fly in the game? Would Tim Tebow win three Heismans in Dynasty Mode or just two? Which is better, Campus Legend Mode or Tim Tebow Mode? Well, guess what: I have all those answers and more. Actually, just one answer: Tim Tebow sucks.
Okay, I’ve always found Craig Biggio to be a bit of a phony, but the guy knows how to do things in style. He gets five hits on the night that he gets his 3,000th hit. And on the night that he announces his retirement, he hits a grand slam which goes on to produce the winning runs in the Astros 7-4 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers.
And Jason Jennings even got a win. Maybe Biggio should retire more often. But before we get too excited, just remember, the Astros are only 43-57, and they’re still only a game out of last place.
Now, I hate to say that I told you so, but I told you so. And what am I talking about? Why, the Chron’s deification of Biggio, of course.
And it’s not Steve Harris. Check out the latest marketing blitz from the Dynamo. All in all, not a bad idea. – Margaret Downing
(I know, I keep making remarks like that and I'll never get on air with Milo.)
I'm sure that tomorrow's edition of the Chron will be full of the usual testimonials. And Jesus Ortiz will probably do a bit on how Biggio has touched everyone like an angel. And we're going to hear about what a stand-up guy that he is. And about what a gamer he is. Richard Justice will write about Biggio being a first ballot Hall-of-Famer. And Lopez will write something about any voter not voting for Biggio is biased against teams in the South. And John McClain will write something about how the Houston Texans needed someone like Craig Biggio. And so on, and so on, and so on, and so on.
Okay, the Astros might have the best nucleus in baseball, but the team sure does suck. Hey, guess what, the Astros lost night. Yeah, I know, big fucking surprise. Tell you something you don’t know. But I don’t know what to tell you. I think I’m out of words with the Astros.
The Astros were never in the game, as the final score of 10-2 indicates. And the score was 10-0 with two outs in the ninth inning before Chad Billingsley let up for two batters. Billingsley pitched his first career complete game for the Dodgers, improving his record to 7-0. And his nine-inning pitch total was just barely over 100 pitches. And with the loss, the Astros record dropped to 42-57. Man, this team sucks.
There’s no need to worry, though, because Jason Jennings has the start tonight.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course he does, you’re saying. He’s the owner.
But that’s not what I mean. Because I’m not talking about signing the checks, or hiring the manager, or approving a trade, or designing the ugliest ballpark in Major League history. No, I’m talking about the important things. You see, according to Jesus Ortiz, Drayton is the one who makes the trades. And makes the roster decisions. Tim Purpura’s just a figurehead. And Gerry Hunsicker was just a poser. Because it’s Drayton. All Drayton. All the time.
Don’t believe me? Hell, just read the words of Jesus Ortiz – yes, it’s painful, but it’s the only way that I can prove my point. Why, Jesus Ortiz even lists what he thinks Drayton’s five top moves have been for the Astros, like trading for Carlos Beltran. And trading for Randy Johnson.
Okay, you know how I operate. Unless I’m talking about Hunter Pence, I’m not really going to say nice things about the Astros. Or about the Astros chances to win the NL Central. And I’ll tell you the truth, when I sat down to write this post, that was the plan. I was going to tell you it didn’t matter that the Astros won two of three from the Pirates. That just because Brad Lidge saved those two games it didn’t mean Brad Lidge was back. I was going to tell you it didn’t matter that the Astros had moved up to fourth place in the NL Central because they still stink. I was going to tell you Hunter Pence injured his wrist yesterday. And that Roy Oswalt is going to miss his next start on Wednesday because of an upper chest strain.
But I can’t do that.
Drayton McLane changed my mind.
That’s because Notre Dame announced today they are playing a regular-season game in San Antonio in 2009.
The opponent for the Halloween Day game is not exactly earth-shaking: Washington State University, a perennial Pac-10 doormat. But the chance to see the Fighting Irish (even if it’s in a dome) doesn’t come around very often.
Seriously, we get it. He’s coming to play for the MLS, he’s one of the best players ever, him being here will do a lot for American soccer, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, got it, thanks. During the game it was almost as if the announcers had some Beckham quota they had to meet. His name was said at least every five minutes, either that or they cut to a shot of him watching the game. That’s right, Beckham’s name was probably said more times than any other player’s name and he wasn’t even playing.
Margaret Downing seems troubled by the fact Texas public schools may soon be teaching Creationism alongside Evolution. And while I always thought it was the meek who shall inherit the earth, and not the idiots, I think that Margaret should take a look at the positives that might result from such teachings.
