Blogs

You ever wanted to attend a baseball game with Tom Hanks? That’s nice. We hope that works out for you.

How about the astronaut who was played by Tom Hanks in Apollo 13? Well, that we can do, so long as you’ve got some cash you’re willing to donate to a good cause.

The Astronaut Scholarship Foundation, a non-profit devoted to giving money to college students studying science and technology, is auctioning off the chance to go to an Astros game with Apollo 13 Commander James Lovell.

Yeah, yeah, we know: The Astros suck. But maybe while you’re sitting behind home plate you can tell Drayton what's up. – Keith Plocek

There’s a wise old philosopher who once wrote:

“Sometimes I can’t help the feeling that I’m
Living a life of illusion
And oh, why can’t we let it be
And see thru the hole in this wall of confusion
I just can’t help the feeling that I’m
Living a life of illusion.”

I had that feeling yesterday when reading Richard Justice over at the Chron. Justice’s topic of the day was one Houston icon, Craig Biggio. And Biggio says he’s not in a slump. That he’s not old: “’Am I done?’ [Biggio] asks, laughing. ‘No, I'm not done. I just need to get comfortable.’”

The Astros suck. On this I suspect we can all agree. Blame curses. Blame Drayton McLane, Tim Purpura, Phil Garner, the players or Junction Jack. Blame whatever or whomever you wish. The end result remains the same. Me? I choose to blame the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals. After all, they’re the ones who showed the world that a mediocre baseball team can win a World Series.

I know everyone loves to bash the McLane, Purpura, Garner braintrust these days. No doubt, they deserve much (if not all) of the criticism aimed in their direction. You know their transgressions, so I won’t bother to expand upon them here. But turn back the clock to last October and put yourself in their shoes for a moment. You just watched the Cards win it all. Keep in mind, this is the same team that nearly authored the biggest regular season choke job in major league baseball history. Now take a closer look at their roster. The everyday line-up consisted of one big bopper, some aging, past-their-prime vets and a few scrappy role-players. Overall, it’s not terribly impressive. The starting rotation? Anchored by a single stud who was surrounded by career journeyman. As for the bullpen, it was decent yet hardly intimidating. Is any of this sounding familiar?

Okay, before I get on with the Astros update, I’ve got a complaint to make to Fox Sports Houston. Yeah, I know that Dario Franchitti just won the Indy 500. And I know that he threw out the ceremonial first pitch last night. And I know that he was there promoting some car race up in the Metroplex next weekend. But damn it. This guy’s married to Ashley Judd, one of the most beautiful women in the world, and I know she’s at the game because you showed her hugging Dario after his first pitch. So, that said, why in the hell didn’t you interview her during the game last night instead of her husband? Who wants to look at, and listen to, some race car driver, when you can talk to, and show, his beautiful wife instead?

I’m disappointed. And angry.

That said, on with the Astros update.

Baseball is a sport of superstition. Players refuse to step on the foul line when going on or off of the field. Wade Boggs was known for eating chicken before every game. Teammates don’t talk to the pitcher throwing the no-hitter. Pedro Cerrano and Jobu.

And let’s not forget the now banished Curse of the Bambino, or the Cubs Billy Goat Curse.

But I bet none of you have heard of the Curse of the Certified Letter. So allow me to educate you...

Salon’s King Kaufman has an item talking about former Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy’s recent remarks on flopping. (To wit: He thinks it sucks.) I'm behind JVG one hundred percent on this one. If this trend of intentionally falling over gets any worse, basketball is going to become soccer. – Keith Plocek

Well, the Cincinnati Reds must not have gotten the memo. How else can one explain the Reds beating the Astros 2-1 last night?

Some ugly numbers: that’s nine straight losses, and 11 losses in the last 12 games. The team is 11-16 for the month, with two games left. The team’s record for the season is 21-30. Oh, the mediocre Milwaukee Brewers won, to increase the lead on the Astros. The mediocre Pirates also won, to move further away from the Astros. The Astros are still fighting the Cards for fifth place, and the Reds are gaining on the Astros.

So, did anything good happen?

...it’s the Astros update. And all that I’ve got to say is that I’m damn glad that I was out of town and didn’t get to see the last two games of that series with the D-Backs. And it’s one thing to get swept in a three-game series, but these guys were swept in a four-game series. And that also makes for eight straight losses.

Thank God the Cincinnati Reds are coming into town. Maybe the Astros can get a win or two. Oh, and I know the Chron keeps reminding us that the Astros play in the mediocre division that is the NL Central, and it’s nice to know that the Milwaukee Brewers have been losing games, so that the Astros aren’t losing any games, but…

The boys over at the bestest-ever college football blog, Every Day Should Be Saturday, are delivering the goods once again. They’ve been running a series of open letters on how to seduce fans of specific colleges, and this time it’s Texas in the barrel.

The post comes from the Ladies blog, which we were previously unaware of. At any rate, this missive is from a UT gal to her proposed date for the OU game. Among the lines: “No, I don’t mind skipping dinner so we can get straight to drinking. The smell of Shiner on your breath, and spilled down the front of your shirt, is like musk to me.”

Sounds like many a Longhorn male will have a new fantasy date by the time they finish reading this. – Richard Connelly

Drayton McLane spoke to Chron scribe Jesus Ortiz yesterday, vowing to answer some of the tough questions that had been submitted by the fans.

He must not have got my questions to answer, because there were no responses to any of the ones that I submitted. But I’m going to ignore those, and instead address what McLane did say.

First, there’s been no thought given to the firing of General Manager Tim Purpura or manager Phil Garner: “You have to work through what the problem is,” McLane told the Chron. “Firing a bunch of people is not the solution. We need to get people playing. That comes through leadership from the general manager and the manager.”

The Astros went down to defeat last night, losing 9-1 to the Arizona Diamondbacks. And the game was not as close as the score indicated. This was the fifth straight defeat for the Astros, and seventh loss in the last eight games.

My editor – and yes I do have one, though he probably doesn’t want to admit it – told me that I could take a break and stop watching the Astros every night. And you know what, it has been pretty damn painful watching this team, but recently, it’s been like one of those clown cars at the circus – you’ve just can’t stop watching because you’re wondering just how many clowns are in the car, or in the Astros dugout.

I want to love soccer. I really do. Oh, we’ve had our torrid flings in the past. In fact, I’ll never forget the first time we hooked up. It was the summer of ’96 and I was young, carefree and looking to sow my wild oats while working abroad. We met in a pub just outside of London, where the European Championship was taking place that year. After a few initial awkward moments, we found some common ground and the chemistry was undeniable. It was fresh, exotic and mysterious; you know, everything you would ever want and hope for in a summer romance. The more time we spent together, the deeper I fell. What can I say? I had never experienced such an intoxicating combination of passion and beauty before. I was smitten.

Of course, you know how these relationships end up. They never work. When the summer came to a close, I returned home and that was that. Sure, we checked in on each other once in awhile, but we both knew it wasn’t the same. Before long, our correspondence consisted of nothing more than an extended catch-up session that took place every four years. The ocean between us had conspired to douse the fire within my heart and though I still felt fondly toward my former flame, I moved on and didn’t waste much time thinking about it.

That is, until fate intervened ten years later.

I could never be a major league baseball manager. You see, if I was faced with a team where nearly every starter is involved in a major slump, and I needed to do something to jump start the team, my solution would not be to bench Lance Berkman, nor would it involve placing Morgan Ensberg and Adam Everett back in the lineup. I would also not start Jason Lane, and I wouldn’t have Craig Biggio batting lead off.

But Phil Garner did that last night, so, like I said, I’m obviously not qualified to manage a major league baseball team. (As for Biggio, I guess that Garner doesn’t want to disappoint all of those people within 100 miles of San Francisco who are driving in just to see Biggio hit).

Yes, I know, Phil’s got to play with the hand that he’s been dealt, and GM Tim Purpura’s not really dealt him a good one. But there’s no reason that Jason Lane, Morgan Ensberg, or Adam Everett should be starting. Yeah, I understand the whole lefty/righty match-up thing, but there’s nothing that’s shown me that Ensberg, Everett, and Lane are able to hit anybody.

Hey kids, guess what? The Astros scored a run last night. Actually, it was two runs. So, I guess all is well with the world.

What's that you're saying? The Giants scored four runs?

Well, Tim Lincecum got to the Astros again, pitching another gem for the Giants. Roy Oswalt didn't do a bad job, but when you've got the Astros offense, any pitching performance that allows more than one run in the game is a sure bet to lead to an Astros loss.

So the Jeff Van Gundy era is over and we’re now mere hours away from watching Rick Adelman assume the reins of the Houston Rockets. Ironic, that after I spent an entire column imploring general manager Daryl Morey to resist the temptation to pursue Lord Voldemort (aka Larry Brown), the Rockets were actually the ones who decided to dabble in the dark arts. Whether or not JVG deserved to go is certainly up for debate, but you can’t argue that this is a less than ideal start to Morey’s tenure as GM. The ham-handed and deceitful way this business was handled is not likely to engender much good will within the Houston organization and no doubt the rest of the NBA is probably snickering at Morey’s rookie mistake as well. True, this move has owner Les Alexander’s fingerprints all over it. But Morey is the one left to answer the tough questions and it’s his reputation that receives the hit. My entire argument against chasing a guy like Larry Brown was that doing business with the devil eventually gets you burned. Now, it will be interesting to see whether or not the Rockets ultimately pay for their transgressions.