The Top 10 XXX Places to Party in Houston

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Photo by BinaryApe via flickr

Oh, stop side-eyeing us, you guys. Everyone needs this list, don't they? You may not need it now, but trust us. One day you'll be glad you printed it out and hid it under the mattress for safe-keeping.

We're not going to say much more on this one. We all know the purpose of this list, and yes, you're welcome for it. Here are the top 10 XXX places to party in Houston.

Just make sure to park around back, will ya? We don't need to know more about you than we already do.

10. Adult Mega Plexx
Adult novelties? Check. Adult videos? Couples theater? Check, check, and check. Whether you're searching out some random bit of fetish gear or hypoallergenic lube, you can find what you're looking for at Adult Mega Plexx. They even have an entire section devoted to vintage girlie magazines, where you can ogle to your heart's content. Where you'll really want to keep your drool in check, though, is in the couples theater. Shopping can wait till you're on your way out the door, right?

We're not saying you have to go check out the cinematic listings, of course, but it is pretty much the pièce de résistance when it comes to Mega Plexx. So go on, hop up on that Adult Mega Plexx saddle and get to gettin'. They can give you the tools, but the rest is up to you, cowboy.

5909 Richmond, 713-780-1827


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Ten Places in Texas to Party for Spring Break

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Photo by BluEyedA73 via flickr creative commons

Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, e'ryyyyyyyybodyyyyyyy!

So you wanna party for spring break with the college kids, huh? But what's that you say? You're just as broke as a college kid? Well, it's obviously gotta be Spring Break in the Lone Star State, son! And you're in luck, because we know a thing or two about beer bongs and Texas.

Pack up your banana hammock, your sweet neon '80s jammers and your zinc oxide, and let's hit the road, fools. It's Spring Break 2014! Whoooooooooo!

(Side note: If you're over the age of 30, please feel free to change the name of this list in your head to "Ten Places to Avoid Like the Plague During Spring Break. We're right there with you, as a member of the olds.)

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The Top 10 Cannabis Contraptions for Colorado's Recreational Pot Shops

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Photo by shorty_nz_2000

Well, Colorado is quickly becoming the coolest of the 50 states. Sorry, New York and California! You can no longer toot your own overinflated horns, because Colorado wins the entire Internet now that they're legalizing recreational pot shops.

Yep, you read that right. Colorado, our white-water-loving, snowboard-obsessed neighbor to the West, is legalizing recreational pot shops as of January 1. We're impressed with their gusto, and the fact that they're sweeping in this blanket legalization of weed makes this the best New Year's resolution a state has ever made.

Oh, and don't get yourself all twisted into an anti-reefer "think of the children" tizzy just yet, conservatives. Colorado is not passing a pot free-for-all. Under the new guidelines, cannabis will be available for purchase in amounts of up to an ounce, and only by adults ages 21 or older.

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10 Things That Scared the Crap Out of Me Cleaning My Daughter's Room

Categories: Parenting , Top 10

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Jef With One F
The chamber of horrors all neatly put away
Some folks like to go to haunted houses or scary movies to get a thrill. Me? I've realized that all I need to get pants-browningly terrified is to clean my four-year-old daughter's room.

That's what I did the past weekend because I have become both that old and that boring. Working two jobs with a wife in nursing school means that literally sometimes you don't straighten up the house until the mess has gained sentience and tried to block off your escape. So I set aside three hours and dug through the multi-colored everything.

Everything I ran across gave me nightmares.

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You Are Not From Houston, 10 Surefire Ways To Know

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Photo by abrahán
You just have to be from here.
Houstonians are a distinct breed of Texan. There are many unique characteristics that make the people of this great city, well... great. We're a little bit liberal and a little bit conservative, a little bit weird, with a very normal streak. We are a little bit business-minded with a little bit artsy-fartsy. Basically, we're a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll through and through.

But as long as people live in Houston, there are some tell-tale signs that they were not born and bred in the Space City. We transients love it here, but there a few things that we just don't "get." (Of course, not all natives fit into these categories.)

Saying Y'all Sounds Really Awkward
The Houstonian "y'all" rolls off the tongue as natural as sap from a maple tree. It oozes out. "Y'all going to... fill in with anything but probably something about the Texans." When a person not from the area tries to say y'all there is just something incredibly weird about it. It is as if the word is Arabic or Greek and we can't make the our mouths form the letters. Either that, or non-Houstonians completely avoid the word all together. Where a "y'all" should be the non-H'ers mumble some combination of "you guys" and "all" that may come out sounding like "you g'all."

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10 Houston Drivers You Know Or Are One Of

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Yeah, that looks about right.
I will fully admit that I am an awful driver. My car is a series of scratches and dings, few of which I can tell you where they even came from. The thing about my driving is that the only person I ever hurt is myself, or my car rather. Those scrapes and bruises are due to driving too close to parking lot medians or thinking I can fit between two ill-growing trees. Never have I ever hit another car while driving on the street. I understand the rules of driving in a big city and I try my darndest to follow them.

Houstonians seem to have issue with driving. Not that they don't enjoy it, on the contrary, Houstonians love hitting the road. They just follow a rulebook that was invented by other Houstonians. Houston drivers are a special breed.

What's a Turn Signal?

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Turn signal?
If I am not mistaken, and please correct me on the engineering, I think that all cars come with turn signals and have so for many years. Given this bit of information and the fact that not only are turn signals fairly easy to use (you just press them up or down and that's it) but they also make driving safer for all parties involved, it's odd that Houston drivers feel that such things don't exist. It's as if Houston drivers either have no idea what those blinking lights on either side of their car are for, or refuse to acknowledge them.

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The Rest of the Best: Houston's Top 10 Tourist Attractions (Outside the City Limits)

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Photo by Arturo Yee
George Ranch Historical Park
Last week we looked at tourist attractions inside Houston proper; this week we rank tourist attractions outside the city limits. Last week our list included museums, shopping destinations, public art and inner city parks. This week, our choices include fewer museums and art, but lots more beach side attractions. High on the must-see list for most tourists is Space Center Houston, and we agree. (The Space Center snagged the top spot last week.) But there's a real charm to the historical and nature sites that are just a little further away from downtown Houston. We think the attractions selected this week are well worth the extra driving time it takes to reach them.

10. George Ranch Historical Park
10215 FM 762 Road, Richmond
281-343-0218

You can see 100 years of Texas history brought to life at the George Ranch Historical Park. The park has frequent re-enactments (although they don't get quite as literal as the San Jacinto Battleground re-enactments - see the next page), cook-outs, hands-on history tours and demonstrations.

Check out our story on Houston's Top 10 Tourist Attractions Inside the Loop

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The Rest of the Best: Houston's Top 10 Tourist Attractions

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Photo by Ed Shipul
The Astrodome in happier times.

Houston might not seem like much of a tourist town to locals -- people come here to work or go to school, not sightsee -- but it does attract thousands of tourists every year. With the conventions going on at the George R. Brown Convention Center, the rodeo at Reliant Park, the various "districts" (Museum, Theater and such), and year-round schedule of professional sports, Houston is on the vacation map for people from around the world. Here are our favorite tourist attractions. As usual, there's a caveat -- these are attractions inside the Houston city limits. There's another list for the must-visit sites outside of the city (Moody Gardens, Galveston's Strand District and the like).

10. The Houston Astrodome
8400 Kirby Dr.

The Dome gets on our list even though it's not open to the public any longer. Before officials flatten it into another parking lot or remake it into apartments/a museum/homeless shelter/business complex (or any of the other ideas that get bandied about every time we start to wonder what to do with the icon/relic), visitors should get a look at it. There's lots of history to the Dome; it was the site of dozens of important concerts and sports matches; it was the first of its kind; and along with the now-gone Astroworld, it anchored much of the city's entertainment for years.

Drive around the Dome for a good idea of its size. And feel free to toss your suggestions for its renovation. (They couldn't be any worse than the ones we've already heard.)


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Are We Free?: Top 10 Movies Where The Government is After You

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America!
Independence Day is the one day out of the year that Americans can stand up proudly, eat hot dogs, drink Budweisers and blow stuff up in the name of being free to not call our apartments "flats" and when we say bloody its because we fell down drunk and scraped our knee - not because we are "pissed," well we are but because we scraped our knee. OK, enough of this.

America is a wonderful place, and July 4 is one of the best holidays of the year. But what if it wasn't? What if everything we loved about this country was all-wrong? What if you woke up this morning and everything you thought you knew about being a member of the Red, White and Blue turned out to be completely the opposite of being an America - that would make everything in your life totally not-awesome.

The concept of being royally screwed over by the US government is not all that far-fetched, it happens in movies all the time!

Happy Independence Day with the top ten government conspiracy movies.

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The Rest of the Best: Houston's Top 10 Authors

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Suzanne Rindell, author of The Other Typist, is a New Yorker.
Houston is a literary hotbed with the University of Houston's Creative Writing Program, organizations like Inprint, Nuestra Palabra, Arte Publico Press, and others all calling H-town or the immediately surrounding area home. We have our fair share of successful novelists, here's our list of the top ten.

First a few words about some people who aren't on the list. Suzanne Rindell, author of The Other Typist, is getting lots of praise for her debut novel about the personal awakening of a young typist in a New York City police department precinct in the 1920s. We like the book, but Rindell isn't on our list because while currently a doctoral student in literature at Rice University, she lives in New York.

Elizabeth Black and Tom Abrahams are both getting buzz for their recent debuts, (Black's suspense novel The Drowning House and Abrahams' Sedition: A Political Thriller.) If this were a list of the top upcoming Houston authors, they'd certainly be on it. For now, let's say they made remarkable debuts and we expect big, big things from them both.

And then there's Gwendolyn Zepeda, who has published poetry, children's books and chick-lit. One of our favorite writers, Zepeda is Houston's first ever poet laureate. Her next upcoming title, Falling in Love with Fellow Prisoners, is a book of poems. Ditto Sarah Cortez, whose new book is also poetry. (This is a list of novelists, sorry.)

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