Reviews For The Easily Distracted:
Alex Of Venice

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Title: Alex of Venice

Describe This Movie In One Simpsons Quote: "I move for a 'bad court thingy.'"

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Three-and-a-half spotted owls out of five.


Brief Plot Synopsis: Attorney is actually a decent person.

Tagline: "Her life is just getting started. Again."

Better Tagline: "Even moms like to pop molly once in a while."

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Reviews For The Easily Distracted:
The Longest Ride

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Title: The Longest Ride

Describe This Movie In One Simpsons Quote: "But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds!"

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: One Toro from Bully for Bugs out of five.


Brief Plot Synopsis: Nubile art student messes with the bull (rider), gets the horn.

Tagline: "Two couples. Two love stories. One epic tale."

Better Tagline: "All hat. No cattle."

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Reviews For The Easily Distracted:
Furious 7

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Title: Furious 7

Describe This Movie In One Simpsons Quote: "Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels."

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Two Predator drones out of five.


Brief Plot Synopsis: "No speed limit signs on this highway, no one to say 'Take it easy,' no cops to hand out tickets, just enjoy the $74,000 in prize money, or disappointment or death."

Tagline: "One last ride."

Better Tagline: "Waste your summer praying in vain/For a savior to rise from these streets."


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Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
Home

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Title: Home

Describe This Movie In One Simpsons Quote: "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos."

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Three Gorts out of five.


Brief Plot Synopsis: Lone human joins forces with renegade extraterrestrial to resist alien subjugation.

Tagline: "Worlds collide."

Better Tagline: "The animated movie with tentacles it's safe to take your children to."

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Reviews For The Easily Distracted:
Chappie

Title: Chappie

Describe This Movie In One Simpsons Quote: "My worst, eh? Smithers; release the robotic Richard Simmons!"

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Three ED-209s out of five.

Brief Plot Synopsis: Scout 22 is alive.

Tagline: "Humanity's last hope isn't human."

Better Tagline: "The problem's plain to see/Too much technology."


Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: Even with the success of his "Scout" model police robots, Tetravaal designer Deon (Dev Patel) won't be happy until he realizes his dream of developing a true AI. Meanwhile, the Scout program's success is bad news for rival designer Vincent (Hugh Jackman), whose heavily militarized "Moose" robot is losing funding as result. Deon finally gets a chance to test his program on an about-to-be junked Scout, just as he runs afoul of gang members Ninja (Ninja), Yolan-Di (Yolandi Visser), and America (Jose Pablo Cantillo) who are looking for a way to disable the Scouts for their own ends.


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Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
The Lazarus Effect

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Title: The Lazarus Effect

Sum Up The Movie Using Other Movies: Pet Semetary plus Flatliners divided by Paranormal Activity

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: One Nothing Like the Sun albumout of five.


Brief Plot Synopsis: "Did you wreck the car?"
"No."
"Did you raise the dead?"
"Yes."
"But the car's okay?"

Tagline: "Evil will rise."

Better Tagline: "Hell is other doctors."

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Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
The DUFF

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Title: The DUFF

Ugly *And* Fat? Are Both Required? I'm led to understand it can be either, or, or even none of the above. Outrageous.

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Three Duffmans (Duffmen?) out of five.

Brief Plot Synopsis: Allegedly unattractive high school student has the improbable last laugh.

Tagline: "Every DUFF has their day."

Better Tagline: "Nerd gets Revenge on those who claim she's not Pretty in Pink."


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Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
Fifty Shades of Grey

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Title: Fifty Shades of Grey

Is This Movie Really A Sign Of The Apocalypse? It'll have to hold us over until the next Magic Mike, I suppose.

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: One and a half W. Somerset Maughams out of five.


Brief Plot Synopsis: "Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side."

Tagline: "Mr. Grey will see you now."

Better Tagline: "No one gets away/Until they whip it."


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Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
Seventh Son

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Title: Seventh Son

Specifically, The Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son, Right? Yes. Referring not only to one of Iron Maiden's best albums, but also -- according to folklore -- a person possessing paranormal abilities.

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: One glaive out of five.

Brief Plot Synopsis: Alcoholic child killer recruits boy to help him murder his ex-girlfriend.

Tagline: "In the face of evil, claim your destiny."

Better Tagline: "Deathstalker V: The Spook Abides"


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Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water

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Title: The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Did They Keep The Elevator Scene? You're thinking of 50 Shades of Grey. And ew.

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Three Bikini Atoll H-bomb tests out of five.

Brief Plot Synopsis: Mutant sea creatures rise from the ocean's depths to terrorize mankind, consume fast food.

Tagline: "Making waves in our world."

Better Tagline: "My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos, ruined dreams, this wasted land. But most of all, I remember The Sponge Warrior. The man we called 'Bob.'"


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