Welcome once again to the most wonderful time of the year. Here in Houston the air is cool, the streets in River Oaks and Upper Kirby are festive as festive can be, gingerbread and peppermint-flavored everything adorns local drink menus, and the giant, soul-eating kraken that lives underneath the Galleria is already calling her annual sacrifices to her.
It's also a time to watch some of my fellow Houstonians re-apply their "Keep Christ in Christmas" bumper stickers so that they can't be mistaken for being on the wrong side of the totally made-up "War on Christmas." Every year there's yet another batch of yokels all eaten up with the belief that Christmas is somehow under attack from secular forces in order to, I don't know, make Jesus cry or something. It's martyrdom fan fiction written by people who have only the firstiest of First World problems.
While I could sit here for 700 words and lace a logical explanation about why the "War on Christmas" is stupid with penis jokes, instead I've got a better idea. If you've clicked on this link in a frothy rage, I want to tell you a few things you might not have realized about this war against the atheist liberal scum you think you're waging.More »