Reviews for the Lazy Gamer: Dust: An Elysian Tail

Categories: Gaming

Game: Dust: An Elysian Tail

Platform: PS4, Xbox 360, PC

Publisher/Developer: Humble hearts

Genre: Action RPG

Describe This Game in Three Words: Samurai Bunny Metroidvania

Score: 6 out of 10

Synopsis: A young man with amnesia named Dust wakes up in the forest to find he's been summoned by a magic sword, accompanied by the sword's fairy guardian. The trio are all unsure of their purpose, but quickly decide to embroil themselves in a conflict involving increasing monster attacks. So begins a journey.

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8 "Criticisms" of Anita Sarkeesian That Are Utter Bullshit

Categories: Gaming

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The game Beat Up Anita, since taken down
I didn't want to write about Anita Sarkeesian again. I really didn't. I just want her to make her videos, which should be boring dissections of pop media interesting only to insane deconstructionalists like myself. I want to watch them and work myself into a liberal lather of progressive rage along with my posse of rabid feminist geeks. Is that really too much to ask out of the world?

Apparently it is, because every time she releases a new video she becomes Salman Rushdie to the brodouche ayatollahs of gaming America. Valuable time screencapping God of War prostitute-banging minigames is spent instead on filing police reports and answering asinine questions about why everything she says kicks the hornets' nest of privilege right in its crusty crotch pouch.

It's stupid, but as far as I can tell no one has really set down to answer the stupidest of the "criticisms" of Sarkeesian point by point. Today, that's my job. Maybe it will convince a few people to go throw rocks at someone else and I can get back to my liberal la la land.

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5 Nintendo Games You Can Beat in Minutes Because of Glitches

Categories: Gaming

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Video games are big things with lots of code. Through testing the makers are supposed to weed out the places where things get a little sticky, but once they release them out to the general public lots of times players discover things that are missed even in the most rigorous playtests for the exact same reason that people sometimes lock monkeys in rooms with word processors. Eventually one will put out Atlas Shrugged and try to prove why they should have more bananas than the others.

Today we look at five glitches that not only gave the players an advantage, but actually made beating the game a matter of child's play.

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Free Game Day: Barons Gate 2

Categories: Gaming

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It's Friday, and we know you're just going to play on the Internet until it's time to leave work. Each week we'll be bringing you a free flash game to help the time pass!

Game: Barons Gate 2
Genre: Action RPG
Made By: Dragosha Games
Play at: Armor Games/Kongregate
Rating: 4 out of 5

I never did get around to playing the first Barons Gate, but judging from the storytelling in the sequel, I didn't miss much. Princess. Dragon. Hero. Quest. It's a little one-dimensional, but so is Adventure of Link and I still love that game.

Barons Gate 2 is standard, but fun. For such a simple game it really does reward ingenuity. Though you look like you're limited to just your bow for much of the game, the environment becomes your ally at every turn. If you're paying attention, you'll have plenty of chances to drop things on enemies or hit well placed explosives.

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Top 5 Twin Peaks Video Game References

Categories: Gaming

So, you might have heard that David Lynch and Mark Frost are bringing their acclaimed series Twin Peaks back to television a quarter of a century after it went off the air. Consistently rated one of the best television shows of all time, the small town full of darkness was cancelled in 1991 when ratings faltered after ABC network executives demanded Lynch and Frost reveal the identity of Laura Palmer's murderer and the show stumbled for an identity afterwards. The series finale ended on a cliffhanger, with Kyle MacLachlan's Agent Dale Cooper returning from the mysterious Black Lodge as a possessed and evil doppelganger.

Debuting on Showtime in 2016, Lynch and Frost confirm that this will be a continuation of the series set in the present day, which works for the show as Cooper saw a vision of himself as an old man in the Lodge. Much of the cast is expected to return, though no formal announcements have been made. Series villain Killer BOB may be out as actor Frank Silva passed away in 1995.

In addition to just being great on its own, Twin Peaks was highly influential. Lost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Killing would not exist if Twin Peaks never had. Over the years, it's even found its way into video games, and today we look at some of the times it did.

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Free Game Day: Triple Adventure

Categories: Gaming

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It's Friday, and we know you're just going to play on the internet until it's time to leave work. Each week we'll be bringing you a free flash game to help the time pass!

Game: Triple Adventure
Genre: Puzzler
Made By: Armor Games
Play at: Armor Games
Rating: 3 out of 5

I have a soft spot for bleak little sidescrolling puzzle games. Limbo of course, but also things like Little Wheel that just like to hint at the sadness of their worlds. They're like tiny little interactive O. Henry stories.

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Of Rape and NES's Ice Hockey

Categories: Gaming

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I apologize for the strange headline, but if you'll bear with me you'll see it makes sense eventually.

This last week has been an interesting one if you're concerned about rape culture, particularly how it affects life in college. Forbes contributor Bill Frezza penned an (since taken down) essay detailing how the biggest threat to fraternities was how women might attend parties drunk and get everyone in trouble. To quote...

False accusation of rape months after the fact triggered by regrets over a drunken hook-up, or anger over a failed relationship. And false 911 calls accusing our members of gang rape during a party in progress.

Forbes relieved Frezza of his writing duties, but his words have made him a hero in the Men's Rights crowd on reddit. Meanwhile, on Fox's Outnumbered host Andrea Tantaros defended Frezza and said women need to take more responsibility to prevent their rapes at drunken frat parties. Again to quote...

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5 Upcoming Video Game Movies That Might Actually Not Suck

Categories: Gaming

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Half-Life 2
I'm not going out much on a limb here by stating that there have not really been any artistically successful film adaptations of video games. The Resident Evil series comes the closest, and for all that it's a fun time, it really fails to capture either the cheesy horror homages of the original game or the more solid body-horror of the rest of the franchise. Beyond that, the cupboard is pretty bare.

However, there appear to be some glimmers of hope on the horizon with films like...

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Teaching Your Kid to Read the Final Fantasy X Way

Categories: Gaming, Parenting

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Jef With One F
I recently came home from my first Student Curriculum Meeting at my daughter's elementary school where she's started kindergarten. I'm totally one of those parents that goes to every meeting and follows all the online updates and reads every single progress reports. Partly it's because I want to be that kind of dad, but it's also because I work from home as a writer and that makes you starved for human interactions in Meat World.

Part of the curriculum that they're starting is obviously reading. They do letter sounds, sure, and that's important, but they are also focused on key words.

So each week my daughter comes home with a little mini book that focuses on those words. Last week it was eight pages of things like "I see the apple" and "I see the octopus". The subjects are illustrated so most of the end of the sentences are context clues, but it oesn't take her long to recognize the three easy words.

Which is good because "the" is a really important word and trying to explain it phonetically to a five-year-old is murder.

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Free Game Day: Robo Trobo

Categories: Gaming

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It's Friday, and we know you're just going to play on the Internet until it's time to leave work. Each week we'll be bringing you a free flash game to help the time pass!

Game: Robo Trobo
Genre: Puzzler
Made By: Pegas Games
Play at: Armor Games
Rating: 4 out of 5

What makes so many of the free games that I cover in this column so great a joy to play is the ability of these independent artists to instill so much personality into their characters. It's not the Academy Award-winning depth of something like The Last of Us, but it's at least along the lines of a good Bugs Bunny cartoon.

One of the best of these I've ever seen is Robo Trobo. It takes place in a flying city, and flying cities of course need maintenance. This is handled by a solid, blue-collar construction bot that makes his way through the skyscape fixing various problems. All in a day's work.

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