Reviews for the Lazy Gamer: Tomb Raider: Temple of Osiris

Categories: Gaming

Game: Tomb Raider: The Temple of Osiris

Platform: PS4, Xbox 360, PC

Publisher/Developer: Square Enix/Crystal Dynamics

Genre: Action

Score: 8 out of 10

Synopsis: Lara Croft has discovered the Tomb of Osiris, but in doing so has been marked for death by the Egyptian eater of souls. Now she, Carter Bell, Isis and Horus must all combine powers to defeat Set and restore Osiris to life.

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4 Arguments Anti-Feminists Use in Gaming (That Don't Work)

Categories: Gaming

Tomb Raider

The feminist movement in gaming over the last several years has been a fun one to watch. At least for me because I'm a guy and nobody threatens to drive a bomb truck through my house for talking about the subject. Still, it has been very interesting to see gaming and the people involved in it start to take notice of some of the weaker aspects of their storytelling and working towards a less sexist, more inclusive world.

That being said, the fight to preserve gaming as a male-dominated space that only begrudgingly seems to offer anything outside typical male power fantasies is ongoing, loud, and awful. Throughout that fight there seem to be a small set of arguments anti-feminists keep using, and I have to tell you that these are not the slam dunk you think they are. Such as...

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10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About the Nintendo DS and 3DS

Categories: Gaming

Evan-Amos via Wikipedia
The DS line of Nintendo handhelds is a monster. Not only is it the best-selling handheld gaming system of all time, it's the second-best-selling video game system period of all time. Only the PlayStation 2 beats it in terms of numbers moved. The amount of power that developers manage to get out of cartridge technology is amazing, and great titles continue to be released exclusively on the system every year.

As popular as it is, though, there are still some hidden mysteries about it. Let's look at a few.

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Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix and the Future of Video Game Preservation

Categories: Gaming

I was delighted to receive an advance review copy of Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix in the mail last week. Delighted, but also a bit uneasy. Confession time, I have never beaten the first one. I always seem to lose steam after the Tarzan stage. Nothing to do with how excellent the game is, of course, just me being the lazy gamer as always. Consequently, I have never played the sequel, either.

So it left me with a problem because Kingdom Hearts 2 is not a game that you can just jump into without really knowing the mythology of what came before. It's a rather unique series in that missing either an entry in the main franchise or one of the portable spin-offs affects your understanding of the plot a significant amount.

Reviewing the game in a conventional sense is clearly out, then, but it did bring me to a greater understanding of the unique problem of video games as an art form.

When people talk about the evolution of gaming as an art they are usually pointing to A List voice casts and photorealistic graphics. To be sure, all of those things have contributed a significant amount to where gaming has reached these days, but to focus on them is to ignore what makes gaming unique.

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10 Awesome Things From the Gamer's Edition of the 2015 Guinness Book of World Records

Categories: Gaming

I don't think I've owned a hard copy of the Guinness Book of World Records since I was a kid, but the new Gamer's Edition is just too much to pass up. It's full of things that even I had never heard, and I spend all day talking about weird video game trivia. Here's a few of the choicest tidbits.

10. The most expensive virtual car in the gaming world is the Jaguar XJ13 from Gran Turismo 6. You can unlock it through regular play, or shell out $196 to earn it straight away. In real life the car is pretty much priceless, as only one has ever been produced.

9. The character Mo van Barr in Red Dead Redemption had his likeness, specifically his distinctive and epic mustache, decided through a charity mustache contest held by Rockstar Games. The winner was Canadian Charles Leece. The contest was part of Movember, an annual men's health awareness campaign that raises money for prostate cancer research and other men's health issues.

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5 Video Game Idle Animations That Can Kill You

Categories: Gaming

The other day I was hanging around Master0fHyrule's YouTube channel watching his collection of idle animations. Now, I know that sounds like the ultimate act of laziness, but I have been fascinated with idle animations ever since I realized that my part in Chrono Trigger was yelling at me because I had gotten up to use the bathroom.

Most modern idle animations are boringly realistic. Your characters do what you would do -- like stretch or scratch themselves. I prefer it when these animations reinforce the idea that your avatar is alive and part of the gaming experience with you. Whether it's in-jokes or breaking the fourth wall by blatantly asking you what the hell you're waiting for.

And then there's the rare type of idle animation that can actually cause a Game Over. As in...

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4 Insane Theories About Five Nights at Freddy's

Categories: Gaming

No game in recent years has been quite as bone deep terrifying as Five Nights at Freddy's, and they've already teased an equally scary sequel with the above trailer. If you haven't played it I suggest you go pick it up on Steam, iOS, or Android and make sure that your bladder and bowels are empty because if you don't do it before you pay you will do it during.

The game is deceptively simple and murderously hard to beat. You play Mike Schmidt, a recently hired night watchman at a Chuck E. Cheese rip-off called Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. At night the animatronic band wanders the halls trying to reach you and kill you. You have to watch them on the monitors and get the doors closed in time without draining all your power. It's equal parts Weeping Angels and every creepy puppet horror film ever made, and no one gets through it without jumping.

Weird for such a simple game, there is a surprising level of depth to the mythology of the game if you're willing to really take a look at things on the edges. Bear in mind, that's a good way to get killed because you're not watching the screens.

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An Open Letter to the Teenage Male GamerGaters About Growing Up

Categories: Gaming

Dear Dudes,

I seem to run into you a lot online these days. Mostly through friends who share articles I've written regarding gaming and the current state of harassment of women in it on Facebook. I don't mind debating and arguing with you or anyone else. It's where I get a fair amount of ideas for my work after all.

Lately, though, I've been playing a game when I do so and the results are all strikingly the same. When I find a really dedicated GamerGater, someone that can pull up 8chan screenshots so quickly I know that they were already saved on their hard drive, I ask a simple question.

How old are you?

No one ever wants to answer this question, but I usually press it with every response. Almost without fail you turn out to be a teenage male. College age at the most, and here's where I see some of the problems we're about to discuss.

First, I want to apologize. My generation did indeed steal an empire from you.

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Reviews for the Lazy Gamer: Dust: An Elysian Tail

Categories: Gaming

Game: Dust: An Elysian Tail

Platform: PS4, Xbox 360, PC

Publisher/Developer: Humble hearts

Genre: Action RPG

Describe This Game in Three Words: Samurai Bunny Metroidvania

Score: 6 out of 10

Synopsis: A young man with amnesia named Dust wakes up in the forest to find he's been summoned by a magic sword, accompanied by the sword's fairy guardian. The trio are all unsure of their purpose, but quickly decide to embroil themselves in a conflict involving increasing monster attacks. So begins a journey.

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8 "Criticisms" of Anita Sarkeesian That Are Utter Bullshit

Categories: Gaming

The game Beat Up Anita, since taken down
I didn't want to write about Anita Sarkeesian again. I really didn't. I just want her to make her videos, which should be boring dissections of pop media interesting only to insane deconstructionalists like myself. I want to watch them and work myself into a liberal lather of progressive rage along with my posse of rabid feminist geeks. Is that really too much to ask out of the world?

Apparently it is, because every time she releases a new video she becomes Salman Rushdie to the brodouche ayatollahs of gaming America. Valuable time screencapping God of War prostitute-banging minigames is spent instead on filing police reports and answering asinine questions about why everything she says kicks the hornets' nest of privilege right in its crusty crotch pouch.

It's stupid, but as far as I can tell no one has really set down to answer the stupidest of the "criticisms" of Sarkeesian point by point. Today, that's my job. Maybe it will convince a few people to go throw rocks at someone else and I can get back to my liberal la la land.

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