10 Awesome Things From the Gamer's Edition of the 2015 Guinness Book of World Records

Categories: Gaming

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I don't think I've owned a hard copy of the Guinness Book of World Records since I was a kid, but the new Gamer's Edition is just too much to pass up. It's full of things that even I had never heard, and I spend all day talking about weird video game trivia. Here's a few of the choicest tidbits.

10. The most expensive virtual car in the gaming world is the Jaguar XJ13 from Gran Turismo 6. You can unlock it through regular play, or shell out $196 to earn it straight away. In real life the car is pretty much priceless, as only one has ever been produced.

9. The character Mo van Barr in Red Dead Redemption had his likeness, specifically his distinctive and epic mustache, decided through a charity mustache contest held by Rockstar Games. The winner was Canadian Charles Leece. The contest was part of Movember, an annual men's health awareness campaign that raises money for prostate cancer research and other men's health issues.

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5 Video Game Idle Animations That Can Kill You

Categories: Gaming

The other day I was hanging around Master0fHyrule's YouTube channel watching his collection of idle animations. Now, I know that sounds like the ultimate act of laziness, but I have been fascinated with idle animations ever since I realized that my part in Chrono Trigger was yelling at me because I had gotten up to use the bathroom.

Most modern idle animations are boringly realistic. Your characters do what you would do -- like stretch or scratch themselves. I prefer it when these animations reinforce the idea that your avatar is alive and part of the gaming experience with you. Whether it's in-jokes or breaking the fourth wall by blatantly asking you what the hell you're waiting for.

And then there's the rare type of idle animation that can actually cause a Game Over. As in...

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4 Insane Theories About Five Nights at Freddy's

Categories: Gaming

No game in recent years has been quite as bone deep terrifying as Five Nights at Freddy's, and they've already teased an equally scary sequel with the above trailer. If you haven't played it I suggest you go pick it up on Steam, iOS, or Android and make sure that your bladder and bowels are empty because if you don't do it before you pay you will do it during.

The game is deceptively simple and murderously hard to beat. You play Mike Schmidt, a recently hired night watchman at a Chuck E. Cheese rip-off called Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. At night the animatronic band wanders the halls trying to reach you and kill you. You have to watch them on the monitors and get the doors closed in time without draining all your power. It's equal parts Weeping Angels and every creepy puppet horror film ever made, and no one gets through it without jumping.

Weird for such a simple game, there is a surprising level of depth to the mythology of the game if you're willing to really take a look at things on the edges. Bear in mind, that's a good way to get killed because you're not watching the screens.

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An Open Letter to the Teenage Male GamerGaters About Growing Up

Categories: Gaming

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Dear Dudes,

I seem to run into you a lot online these days. Mostly through friends who share articles I've written regarding gaming and the current state of harassment of women in it on Facebook. I don't mind debating and arguing with you or anyone else. It's where I get a fair amount of ideas for my work after all.

Lately, though, I've been playing a game when I do so and the results are all strikingly the same. When I find a really dedicated GamerGater, someone that can pull up 8chan screenshots so quickly I know that they were already saved on their hard drive, I ask a simple question.

How old are you?

No one ever wants to answer this question, but I usually press it with every response. Almost without fail you turn out to be a teenage male. College age at the most, and here's where I see some of the problems we're about to discuss.

First, I want to apologize. My generation did indeed steal an empire from you.

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Reviews for the Lazy Gamer: Dust: An Elysian Tail

Categories: Gaming

Game: Dust: An Elysian Tail

Platform: PS4, Xbox 360, PC

Publisher/Developer: Humble hearts

Genre: Action RPG

Describe This Game in Three Words: Samurai Bunny Metroidvania

Score: 6 out of 10

Synopsis: A young man with amnesia named Dust wakes up in the forest to find he's been summoned by a magic sword, accompanied by the sword's fairy guardian. The trio are all unsure of their purpose, but quickly decide to embroil themselves in a conflict involving increasing monster attacks. So begins a journey.

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8 "Criticisms" of Anita Sarkeesian That Are Utter Bullshit

Categories: Gaming

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The game Beat Up Anita, since taken down
I didn't want to write about Anita Sarkeesian again. I really didn't. I just want her to make her videos, which should be boring dissections of pop media interesting only to insane deconstructionalists like myself. I want to watch them and work myself into a liberal lather of progressive rage along with my posse of rabid feminist geeks. Is that really too much to ask out of the world?

Apparently it is, because every time she releases a new video she becomes Salman Rushdie to the brodouche ayatollahs of gaming America. Valuable time screencapping God of War prostitute-banging minigames is spent instead on filing police reports and answering asinine questions about why everything she says kicks the hornets' nest of privilege right in its crusty crotch pouch.

It's stupid, but as far as I can tell no one has really set down to answer the stupidest of the "criticisms" of Sarkeesian point by point. Today, that's my job. Maybe it will convince a few people to go throw rocks at someone else and I can get back to my liberal la la land.

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5 Nintendo Games You Can Beat in Minutes Because of Glitches

Categories: Gaming

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Video games are big things with lots of code. Through testing the makers are supposed to weed out the places where things get a little sticky, but once they release them out to the general public lots of times players discover things that are missed even in the most rigorous playtests for the exact same reason that people sometimes lock monkeys in rooms with word processors. Eventually one will put out Atlas Shrugged and try to prove why they should have more bananas than the others.

Today we look at five glitches that not only gave the players an advantage, but actually made beating the game a matter of child's play.

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Free Game Day: Barons Gate 2

Categories: Gaming

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It's Friday, and we know you're just going to play on the Internet until it's time to leave work. Each week we'll be bringing you a free flash game to help the time pass!

Game: Barons Gate 2
Genre: Action RPG
Made By: Dragosha Games
Play at: Armor Games/Kongregate
Rating: 4 out of 5

I never did get around to playing the first Barons Gate, but judging from the storytelling in the sequel, I didn't miss much. Princess. Dragon. Hero. Quest. It's a little one-dimensional, but so is Adventure of Link and I still love that game.

Barons Gate 2 is standard, but fun. For such a simple game it really does reward ingenuity. Though you look like you're limited to just your bow for much of the game, the environment becomes your ally at every turn. If you're paying attention, you'll have plenty of chances to drop things on enemies or hit well placed explosives.

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Top 5 Twin Peaks Video Game References

Categories: Gaming

So, you might have heard that David Lynch and Mark Frost are bringing their acclaimed series Twin Peaks back to television a quarter of a century after it went off the air. Consistently rated one of the best television shows of all time, the small town full of darkness was cancelled in 1991 when ratings faltered after ABC network executives demanded Lynch and Frost reveal the identity of Laura Palmer's murderer and the show stumbled for an identity afterwards. The series finale ended on a cliffhanger, with Kyle MacLachlan's Agent Dale Cooper returning from the mysterious Black Lodge as a possessed and evil doppelganger.

Debuting on Showtime in 2016, Lynch and Frost confirm that this will be a continuation of the series set in the present day, which works for the show as Cooper saw a vision of himself as an old man in the Lodge. Much of the cast is expected to return, though no formal announcements have been made. Series villain Killer BOB may be out as actor Frank Silva passed away in 1995.

In addition to just being great on its own, Twin Peaks was highly influential. Lost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Killing would not exist if Twin Peaks never had. Over the years, it's even found its way into video games, and today we look at some of the times it did.

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Free Game Day: Triple Adventure

Categories: Gaming

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It's Friday, and we know you're just going to play on the internet until it's time to leave work. Each week we'll be bringing you a free flash game to help the time pass!

Game: Triple Adventure
Genre: Puzzler
Made By: Armor Games
Play at: Armor Games
Rating: 3 out of 5

I have a soft spot for bleak little sidescrolling puzzle games. Limbo of course, but also things like Little Wheel that just like to hint at the sadness of their worlds. They're like tiny little interactive O. Henry stories.

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