5 Things Radical Conservatives Have Ruined for Everyone Else

Categories: Random Ephemera

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GOP.com
I have an addiction that is worse than heroin and twice as likely to end in my tragic death at my own hands... I read the comments under political news stories. In part because keeping my finger on the ketchup-and-gravy-infused pulse of America is my job, but really because I was that kid who always wondered if it was possible to summon demons.

You can. Just write a story about our Attorney General appealing the ruling that strikes down Texas' rather blatantly unconstitutional same-sex marriage ban and all the posse of Old Scratch himself will bubble to the surface to gibber and scream.

In reading these comments, I've realized that there are certain words and concepts that the radical conservative right have actually ruined for the rest of us. Thinks like...

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American Flag Store
Anything to do with the flag
There is only one man in all of Houston that I can see wearing and American flag-themed article of clothing on his person and not immediately think he's either being ironic or a complete asshole, and that's Christian Kidd of the Hates. You literally have to be one of the kindest and most-beloved humans of Houston to deflect the automatic cringe I feel whenever I see a flag attached to a person instead of a pole. The radical right uses flags like newbie Mortal Kombat players used to use crouching in the corner doing leg sweeps; it's a chickenshit dodge. They get away with it because they also stole the concept of...


Post your longest time to listening to this drivel in the comments!

Patriotisim
When radical conservatives says they love their country they mean two things.

The first is that they love the country as it is right now, which usually means tilted firmly in their favor. That's the problem with privilege. Too much of it breeds the poisonous idea that you get where you are on grit alone when there's a whole lot of stats that have been buffed by your birth. Anyone that tries leveling up outside the group usually finds these guys camping at the spawn point making sure no one else can get a kill in for experience points.

The second meaning is that you and your position don't love your country. Why else say it? I'm not sure how they called dibs on Murka first, but the left has never been able to wrest it back. Mostly because the best examples we have on how to get health care to everyone and cut back gun deaths come from other countries and it's easy to paint that as traitorous.

This story continues on the next page.


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52 comments
markie19
markie19 topcommenter


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charlierock62
charlierock62

What are you babbling about?    Compete hogwash as usual.

Steven McGinn
Steven McGinn

What a surprise. Houston Press filling my timeline with absurdities about religion and conservative thinking. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I went to go work for them, perhaps I could inject a different and diverse thought process, one that respects all liberties from both sides. I was wrong. Houston Press does not want any train of thought separating the notion that "Tea Party = bad" or "Christians = wrong". Their head editor, Margaret Downing, is a mean-spirited, foolish, unfair, and downright vitriolic leader. And her leadership has blinded HP's talented editors to think in such a manner that fashions Christians as anything but fools, Tea Party as imbeciles, and Republicans as immoral warmonger fascists. But a vast, vast majority of right-leaning folks ARE NOT like that, as this article comes to think we are, Jef with one F (which I think that capital letter is held up in jest just as an F U to the suburban Houston crowd; pssst, little secret Jef and the HP staff, WE ALL DON'T LIVE IN THE LOOP so maybe cater to a broader crowd suiting to the 4+ million people here). Yes I'm speaking from experience, yes I'm getting personal, and yes I'm still confused by Downing's arbitrary decision to fire a talented and profession journalist after one day on the job. I'd have been the best music/nightlife editor this publication and city would have ever known. FACT. I'd have written some damn good columns, too. Business cards to pass out?!? Yeaaa!!!Free concerts to attend?!? Ohhh yeaaa!!! Houston Press: I'm sick and tired of your anti-Christian, anti-family, anti-Outer 610 Loop, anti-Tea Party, anti-conservative, anti-Steven McGinn positions. Until you get over those stances or just let M Downing ride off into her sunset that never will be (because let's face it, no one has made a pass at her since the Colt 45s were swatting bugs on their brims and Mont Belvieu was just simply Barber's Hill ), I'll just be another guy with nothing to lose.

godette
godette

Nicely done.  Especially the part about tolerance.   ;)

Anse
Anse

The whole thing with patriotism and the flag-waving are especially frustrating. It's not cliche to love your country, but going on and on about it comes off as really desperate. Why not just be confident enough in your loyalty that you don't have to have it screaming from your bumper sticker and your Facebook profile and whatnot? But it's not the America that is real that they love, so much as the imaginary America that they've dreamed up that has never existed. 

Michael Crane
Michael Crane

Just reading the comments is enough convince me we're all in trouble... Too many low information voters spouting their opinion...

David627
David627

Teahadists and those idiots in the gop that think they need to bow to them are what is ruining the country, their hate is all overpowering. 

Trillian Ninetysix
Trillian Ninetysix

So, basically what I've learned here is that (1) Jef is a man who can care about more than one thing at a time because somehow music and politics can coexist in his world; (2) HP readers demand that no HP writer ever have an opinion on fuckall that isn't tacos although (3) whatever opinion any HP writer has on tacos will invariably be wrong anyway. Oh, and (4) some attorney thinks the entire purpose of sex is to procreate which, among other things, really doesn't explain why masturbation is so much fun.

Virgil Dunn
Virgil Dunn

butthurt wing nuts and Paultards on the offensive

Eduardo Powers
Eduardo Powers

Yeah....i remember when the HP was all about telling readers where to get the food, entertainment and just being neutral on everything.....BUT NOW.. it has become just another DUSHI ASS "LIBERAL" MAGAZINE...just tell me where to go eat......

Brian Phan
Brian Phan

Stupid posts like this makes it tough to not unsubscribe. I just want to see food posts.

FattyFatBastard
FattyFatBastard topcommenter

Jesus...  Just stick to writing about Video Games.

cd32281
cd32281

Radical political, religious, racial, music, etc., etc. parties of any sort ruin things for other people.  I would go so far as to say the radical religious and political parties are merging, which further ruins things for people.

aliberaltexan
aliberaltexan

Absolutely hit the nail on the head with this one. 

RoosterMcGee
RoosterMcGee topcommenter

...any chance we get a "5 Things Radical Liberals Have Ruined for Everyone Else" ?

TexTaxAtty
TexTaxAtty

Jef, usually, I like your articles.  They can be insightful and/or fun.  But clearly some bug crawled up your rear for this one.  What ticked you off so much?  Typically, I lean socially conservative and fiscally liberal, so I only agree with half of what you are saying (disagree on abortion and gay-marriage...one is because a fetus is a human with rights and the other because I think it is hedonism trying to trump natural/genetic laws...but you don't have to agree with me...ain't freedom grand!).  What particular comment did you read and where that set you off so much?  BTW, love the Cap.

kmaher23
kmaher23

What's the problem? Did one of the editors suggest you learn about paragraphs?


JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

... I live in Jersey Village

malicet
malicet

Holy hell dude.  I understand your political bias is different than the author but this response makes you look mental and/ or drunk.  I don't know if either is true but your anger here shows that they definitely made the right choice to get rid of someone like you.  Stooping to personal remarks about someone's character is disgusting and low.  You have no business writing for the HP nor commenting on a blog post, ever.  Seek professional help.  And if you live outside the loop, you don't live in Houston.  Find a local rag relative to Kingwood or Katy or wherever the hell in BFE you reside and try deep breathing and avoid things that get you so angry and upset. Free advice. 

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

You could just stick to reading those articles

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

Nothing stopping you from writing it

CaptMurrica
CaptMurrica

@TexTaxAtty So, you're "socially conservative and fiscally liberal..." You're actually admitting that you're both evil and stupid?

katydidknot
katydidknot

@TexTaxAtty You're a tax attorney who believes that civil law ought to correspond with biological purpose? 


Interesting...

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

@malicet I admit, this is the first time someone has insulted Margaret Downing over something I wrote. For the record...

1. Margaret Downing is the best boss I've ever had.
2. She didn't really have anything to do with this piece beyond telling me to source my images better. I pitched it, wrote it, and that's it. 

This dude may have some issue with the boss lady, but I'd prefer he didn't take it out on  my articles. This was just about the weirdest comment I've ever gotten. 

TexTaxAtty
TexTaxAtty

@ShitThrowingMonkey @TexTaxAtty I'd be happy to do so.  Sex's natural purpose is procreating...no ifs, ands, or butts.  If there is no possibility of offspring because the "parts don't match" (I'm trying to be delicate), then the sex act is not natural and is an aberration.  There is no definite genetic link to homosexuality either.  And, yes, I'm up to date on the research.  There is no genetic link for lesbianism (deal with it...there isn't one).  There is a genetic predisposition for male homosexuality but there are those with the trait that are straight and are not inclined mentally to be gay and there are those without the gene marker that are gay (by the way cancer has genetic predispositions too...no one wants that).  There is no genetic predisposition found for bisexuality.  Seems that there is more likely a mental/nurture reason for being gay than genetic (lesbian and bisexual have no genetic marker and it is far from 100% in gay men).  If the genetics don't lie, then it comes down to "what feels good to them"....hedonism.  I'm not preaching...you asked.  You asked me to explain what my thought process was, so I did.  With that being said, I don't care one way or another where or how you do "it."  Everyone is a person and deserves respect and love.  I've had gay and lesbian friends and if I hadn't moved I would still be friends other than on Facebook.  I'm currently "friendly acquaintances" with a lesbian couple that are the parents of one of my daughter's friends (neither my wife or I have any friends we hang out with though).  I can't and won't try to convince them that what they are doing is not healthy for them or the species, that is personal realization that they will have to come to on their own.  

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

Send it to the editor. That's what I do

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

So infertile couples can't have sex?

C051n3blu3
C051n3blu3

@TexTaxAtty @ShitThrowingMonkey

In regards to your first post, Jef probably reads  particular comment like yours and then write articles such as these.  

To comment on your attempt to use science to validate bigotry (and that's what you are sir..deal with it) would in turn validate your argument.  I can only take solace in the knowledge that maybe learning that homosexual and bisexual activity has been observed in most species on the planet (including ours) and most of that activity has been observed IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT (It's only the human species and especially radical conservatives like you who have made the choice to stigmatize and isolate anyone different for no rational reason i.e. slavery, Jim Crow laws, DOMA, screaming at children fleeing violence because they are brown and have spanish surnames)


It's actually the straight, monogamous institute of marriage that is the unnatural aberration.  In fact most things humans do is unnatural.  When do you see cows move in together and go to the same church on sundays?


Maybe we should make a law prohibiting straight marriage, since if we are going to use your "scientific" approach and condemn things society finds unnatural.


You are someone who has a problem with anyone who is different. Jesus and I will pray for you.


johnnybench
johnnybench topcommenter

@TexTaxAtty Notwithstanding the fact that gay couples are perfectly good parents, and statistics show they are more willing to provide loving homes for special needs children than adopting straight couples, I don't agree that marriage and procreation are the same thing. There is no requirement to procreate in order to get married, and there is no requirement to get married in order to procreate. Lodging your objection to certain marriages in terms of procreation misses the point.

ShitThrowingMonkey
ShitThrowingMonkey

@TexTaxAtty @ShitThrowingMonkey


I don't think I could even begin to engage in a debate with you if your premise is couples shouldn't have sex unless the goal is to procreate.


Good day!


P.S. I read the whole way through until you started with the six degrees of separation business.

twaynewren
twaynewren

@JefWithOneF I will.  But first, not being a professional writer, I would like the HP editors to introduce me to other conservative writers/ contributors so that I can gain from their experience as to how to proceed.

ShitThrowingMonkey
ShitThrowingMonkey

@JefWithOneF


See! The premise lowers the issue to a very basic level.  In my mind, it's a non-starter, which may be what the TexTaxAtty intends.  Who knows?!

TexTaxAtty
TexTaxAtty

@C051n3blu3 @TexTaxAtty @ShitThrowingMonkey Don't you dare use the "I'll pray for you" after insulting me.  That's just further insult and you know it.  Lobsters mate monogamously for life (so bite me on the "monogamy is not natural bit).  I've dated multiple races and have a nephew whom I love who's father is black (you can suck that racism comment...that crap just pisses me off).  How dare you think I don't care about immigrants!  We have a great country with lots of opportunity.  Duh...that's why they are coming.  Those kids are fleeing poverty and violence.  They need help and love.  Homosexuality in nature is either (1) a dominance thing (who's the "bitch") or (2) a family bonding thing.  I'm sure you are not advocating for incest or that homosexuality is just a dom/sub thing.  I've got no problem with difference.  Just with people berating me for not "drinking the flavoraide" in accepting something unnatural as okay.  


Jef, I worded my prior response carefully.  "If there is no possibility of offspring because the "parts don't match" (I'm trying to be delicate), then the sex act is not natural and is an aberration."  That wouldn't apply to infertile couples, now would it?  If a therapy were developed to cure the infertility, then they could conceived.  No such therapy will ever be able to be developed to make a man drop and egg into a uterus or make a woman produce sperm (if it were to pass, then that would be a genetic level sex change, and they would no longer be in a homosexual relationship as they are now opposite sex).  

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

That's not how I got started. Just write it and try to sell it to someone

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

Guess we'll just have to "deal with it."

ShitThrowingMonkey
ShitThrowingMonkey

@TexTaxAtty @C051n3blu3 @ShitThrowingMonkey


Because your words are so chockfullof craziness, it took me a 2nd read to pick up on this...


No-one is asking you to accept something "unnatural" as okay, they are just asking for you to respect their God given civil rights.


All men are born free and equal, and have certain natural, essential, and unalienable rights; among which may be reckoned the right of enjoying and defending their lives and liberties; that of acquiring, possessing, and protecting property; in fine, that of seeking and obtaining their safety and happiness.


Wikipedia is a wonderful thing.

C051n3blu3
C051n3blu3

@TexTaxAtty @C051n3blu3 @ShitThrowingMonkey I only question whether or not you have racist tendencies (like other homophobes) because like racists, you are trying to validate a position that dehumanizes another human being based on your own feeling of personal incredulity.  "I can't personally see it as natural, so it offends me"And yes, you taking offense at another person living their life while not hurting anyone else IS an example of you dehumanizing  that person.  


But, as @ShitThrowingMonkey  so eloquently pointed out, it's also obvious that you came here for a fight.  I should never feed the trolls (When will I learn?)

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

Swallowing camels and straining at gnats.

twaynewren
twaynewren

@JefWithOneF You entirely miss my point.  So, I will spell it out:  The HP has no conservative viewpoint; no writers who espouse conservative views.  I won't waste my time writing and submitting an opinion article to a media outlet that is not an honest broker and which has no chance of being published.

TexTaxAtty
TexTaxAtty

@C051n3blu3 Actually, I can separate "what one does" (sex) from "who one is" (a human).  I find that those who disagree with me cannot separate the two ("I AM a homosexual" versus "I have homosexual sex.").  If anything, my view re-humanizes them separate and apart from their sexual identity.  But nice try at calling me a bigot again.  I don't care who they do or how they do "it," but you can't make me think it's natural (because I clearly don't as stated prior).  I currently don't have the right to marry a man, nor do I feel the need to have that right.  Currently all individuals of correct consenting age have the same right to marry..of the opposite sex.  Who's rights are unequal?  This is a slippery slope to go down.  What's next?  Homosexual cousins or even brothers/sisters?  Because who are they hurting and it's not like the will produce mutant offspring?  How about a monkey of the same gender who knows sign language who is disease free?  Because who are they hurting?  And no, it's not crazy to say that... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human%E2%80%93animal_marriage

tomterrrific
tomterrrific

@twaynewren @JefWithOneF Hey, I got a swell idea. START YOUR OWN NEWSPAPER!!! Then hire nothing but people who look, talk and think EXACTLY the way you do. Put a spin on it and call it your version of the truth. Then try and sell it. Hire Ted Nugent to play at your papers' grand opening. I hear he can be had pretty cheap these days.

  

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

They didn't have a video game reviewer when I came along either. Write it and give it a shot. All they can say is no

ShitThrowingMonkey
ShitThrowingMonkey

@TexTaxAtty @C051n3blu3


I feel silly for pointing this out to you.  After all, you are the one with a legal education...But the obvious reason that the slippery slope argument is, in fact, crazy is because no one here is arguing for a monkey's civil rights, because a monkey's civil rights do not exist.


I had a feeling the topic may turn towards the slippery slope when I saw the "my friend" talk.  Kudos to @C051n3blu3 for so easily getting you to reveal that "argument" was in your arsenal.

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