10 Grocery Store Customers Who Must be Stopped

Categories: Random Ephemera

grocerystart.jpg
Photo by Jef Rouner
The battleground

I go to the grocery store every single day because I grew up with people who went once a week and ended up with a tin can Narnia in the pantry because of it. In doing so, I meet many lovely people just out purchasing their various foodstuffs like normal people.

And then there's...

People Who Don't Automatically Put the Bar Up Behind Their Groceries
Once you have loaded all of your cat food, mayonnaise and whip polish onto the conveyor belt, it behooves you to take the little plastic bar and close off your load with a tiny little border that you might imagine being manned by tiny little rednecks with itty-bitty guns and microscopic misspelled signs. Without that bar, the person behind you can't start unloading his or her own groceries and just has to stand there like an unhelpful lemon tonic water bottle in a vending machine. So quit it.


Anyone Who Tries to Buy Cigarettes Away From the Cigarette Register

Look, I get it. You figured you pick up your coffin nails with your Fruity Pebbles. Hey, I'm all for efficiency, but when you do that, you need to be over by the one register that has all the cigarettes next to it. No, it doesn't matter if you only have one other item and that register isn't an express lane. By buying cigarettes in a grocery store, you've already declared to the world that you feel saying, "No, not that one. The small pack. The blue one" three times in a row is a worthwhile use of your time so you can't be in that big a hurry.

In these people's defense, though...Grocery stores? If you have only one register open, in Allah's name please make it this one.

Mr. I'm-Too-Good-for-ID

Certain of life's better things are available only to those of us who have passed the age of 21. Unfortunately, that's also about when you rediscover the sense of entitlement that you had as a toddler. You see it constantly from people trying to buy booze but who "left their ID in the car."

And no, these aren't even usually kids trying to buy booze illicitly. It's people perfectly able to purchase alcohol legally, but who have decided that since they actually are old enough to do so, there's no need to prove it anymore. That the law forces clerks to card you if you look too young is immaterial to these jerks. They're right, and you're hassling them, man.

People Who Shouldn't Use the Self Checkout
The grocery robots are there so that you can grab the butter you forgot for your chocolate chip cookies or to make a toilet paper emergency as little shameful as possible. If you have alcohol, coupons or a cart full of vegetables that require item code look-up, then this isn't for you. The whole reason we still have grocery clerks in the first place is because they can handle that stuff faster than you.

By the way, everyone totally knows what you're doing when you roll up with a big, complicated purchase load at the self checkout. You're trying to ring up things like a big bottle of ibuprofen as bananas. Cut it out.

Unprepared Check Writers
I'm not one of those people who hate that we still have checks. I still use mine, especially if I'm not entirely sure my own paycheck is going to be on time the next day. That said, if you know you're going to write a check, then get it out and start filling in information the second you're done loading onto the belt. Get your ID, too, and if you left it in the car and want to know why they need to see it, I hope someone commits the first frozen waffle beating death on you.

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64 comments
jc85
jc85

The people who don't understand how the que works at self-checkout. Form one line people for all 6 or 8 machines! Not one line per individual machine.

Karen K Powers
Karen K Powers

How about anyone who takes up the whole isle and no one can get around them.

Lad Hirschfeld
Lad Hirschfeld

hahaha..."I'm going to say this just once, Jethro." You didn't mention how bad the express lanes are, or should I say the people that use them, the reasons behind that could be a future story.

TheAmberFiles
TheAmberFiles

The people who walk really close behind you and won't go around you. My mom walks slow because she has bad knees and I understand that it's frustrating to walk behind someone walking too slow for your liking... But we can be hugging the side of the aisle to let them pass and they just stay behind us. Makes me extremely anxious.

bibulb1
bibulb1

People Who Don't Automatically Put the Bar Up Behind Their Groceries


RAGE. RAGE WITH THE POWER OF A THOUSAND ANAL-RETENTIVE VIRGO SUNS.


Anyone on the second page? You fail at being a decent human being. But the above? BUTTONS. PUSHED.

Megan McDonough
Megan McDonough

I cannot stand the people who do not know how to use self checkouts. HURRY UP!

Badunicorn
Badunicorn

Fat people who use the motorized cart because they're lazy. They need to stay the hell home. There are little old ladies who not only can't use them because fatties are piled up in them, but won't use them because lazy fat asses have stigmatized them. They're no longer for the elderly, they're now scooty poofs for fatties.

Venessa Singh
Venessa Singh

How about a chill pill.. All I read was a bunch of bitchin'. Don't like "those" people then shop at 2 am when we can avoid you too

Anse
Anse

I don't know if this one has come up yet, but people who a cart-load of groceries who get into the express lane really suck. The second suckiest thing is the store that knows this crap happens and does nothing about it. 



Jay Francis
Jay Francis

My fave is the time I was checking out at a Walmart with some pork rinds and the cashier wouldn't even touch the bag. She pushed it along with a little stick. This, in the 21st century!

kreyer
kreyer

How about the person who uses the self checkout while talking on the phone or while having their kids scan the items as if it's an event. Self checkout is for those with a few items to get in and out quickly without the need to stand in long lines.

babychef42087
babychef42087

I was a cashier at the New Territory Randall's in Sugar Land, and a lady called me the n-word because  I told her dumb kid not to stack all of the 12 packs of coke on top of each other on the conveyor belt! I got pissed (naturally) and the manager gave the cow a 200 gift-card and I got written up! Cashiers get no respect in the grocery biz.

stevek77536
stevek77536

True story: I pull into the checkout line behind another big load all on the belt.  I reach up to take the divider so I can start unloading, but the cashier grabs it back, saying "That's the only one I have, I need it up here with me."   I started to ask ... but then just thanked my lucky stars I did not have that job, where the only topics of discussion with fellow employees seem to be "When did you come on/get off?" and "When is your break?"  The boredom leads to things like taking my recyclable bags and putting them into a store plastic bag (also true, driving the checker to say to the bagger, "Dude!")

Dana Nutt
Dana Nutt

And the people who come to a dead stop in the middle of a crowded aisle, completely blocking traffic.

Brenda Martinez
Brenda Martinez

The people who invade your personal space and are on top of you while you are using the debit machine! !!!

Tish Squish
Tish Squish

YES! Stay to the right and at least **look** before bursting out of an isle into one of the main lanes!

paval
paval topcommenter

One behavior I did not see on the list is the one were people open packages and leave them somewhere else in the shelf, or where people take stuff put it in their basket and later decide they dont want it. So back into the shelf it goes, but miles away from its original location. 

And then there is something that bothers me a tad. People that touch (more bang and squeeze) all kind of fruit and veggies (avocado and water melons are the favorites) to see if they are ripe. But all this causes is bruising of the fruit in question and the next person is not going to be happy if they were to buy a banged or squeezed veggie or fruit. I sometimes miss my markets in Europe where the stand owner will choose a ripe product for you and if you touch you buy. 

But in essence I actually share the thought of one commenter.  Chill out and just don't get enraged by others faults. Live and let live. There is a big chance we all have committed one of the listed faults or others that irate other people, so I believe its best to only monitor oneself's behavior and not get worked up by the behavior of others.






 

Hanabi-chan
Hanabi-chan topcommenter

To your point about Real 'Mericans:  I find that the people who bitch the most about an immigrant needing to learn English have the kind of grammar, word usage and pronunciations that would make any of my old English teachers enraged and homicidal. And catchphrases, they always use catch phrases. 

Rachel Mann
Rachel Mann

The Green Mountain Energy people outside the HEB >:(

Rachel Mann
Rachel Mann

People who hit you with their cart because they aren't paying attention. People who dont put their damn carts up after unloading.

Nicki Stacy
Nicki Stacy

Right? Just leave an obvious space and most cashiers figure it out.

Kristina Rodriguez
Kristina Rodriguez

The people in their pajamas during the day. The people with kids that need their butt whooped. The people that stand in the middle of the aisle and don't. Freaking. Move. The people that stand in front of you while you are clearly looking for something. And they just stand there. I hate the grocery store.

sconley34
sconley34

I've become the Zen master of long lines. It just doesn't bother me anymore. You can fight the moment or accept it.

aomusquiz
aomusquiz

 What about the people who forget something and instead of just taking their cart and grabbing their last item(s) they use their cart as their placeholder. Then if anyone dares to move it everyone has to deal with the wrath.


I made the mistake of getting in a line one afternoon and a shopping cart was off to the side but had a lot of groceries in it. The line moves up slowly and suddenly this CRAZY woman was screaming and trying to literally push me out of the line with her cart because she was convinced I moved it to "cut" her. I'd been standing in the line for over five minutes at that point and when she returned she had SEVERAL items in her hands that she dumped in that abandoned cart. I was so mad because she was crazy and I had my 3 year old with me, but also because no employee in the store seemed very bothered about this psycho screaming. I have no idea who moved crazy's cart in the first place.

aomusquiz
aomusquiz

What about the people who forget something and instead of just taking their cart and grabbing their last item(s) they use their cart as their placeholder. Then if anyone dares to move it everyone has to deal with the wrath.


I made the mistake of getting in a line one afternoon and a shopping cart was off to the side but had a lot of groceries in it. The line moves up slowly and suddenly this CRAZY woman was screaming and trying to literally push me out of the line with her cart because she was convinced I moved it to "cut" her. I'd been standing in the line for over five minutes at that point and when she returned she had SEVERAL items in her hands that she dumped in that abandoned cart. I was so mad because she was crazy and I had my 3 year old with me, but also because no employee in the store seemed very bothered about this psycho screaming. I have no idea who moved crazy's cart in the first place.

RN Griffin
RN Griffin

And the person who talks on a cell phone throughout the entire transaction with the cashier -- especially when it's obviously not an urgent call. Rude and dehumanizing to the cashier; further slows down the process for the rest of us.

Vincent E. Smith III
Vincent E. Smith III

How about those who don't give you enough time to put away your change and receipts? If you're in a hurry, I'll just stand there and ring that bell until the cows come home. Have a nice day.

Kari Orr
Kari Orr

The people who want to haggle at the register.

ahnlu2005
ahnlu2005

I will just leave this here for those that feel that people at the grocery "must be stopped".


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYGaXzJGVAQ


David Foster Wallace Commencement speech- skip to about the ten minute mark for those who do not have the time or inclination to hear his full message.

Houstess
Houstess

Where on earth do you shop that people are so rude?  BTW, everyone knows it's the responsibility of the person SECOND in line to place the barrier so that his groceries aren't tainted by the ones ahead, not the person engaged in paying out.  Seriously.  You probably wait until your merging lane ends and then expect everyone in the thru lane to hit their brakes to let you in.  

Joseph Naguit
Joseph Naguit

I Hate people that have conversations and block the entire row! Move people I need my bread! If u want to talk for half an hour go somewhere else!

Danielle Stephens
Danielle Stephens

I don't think I've ever encountered any of people on this list enough to get annoyed by it. But for the love of all that's holy, push your cart like you drive a car--on the RIGHT side of the aisle!

aliberaltexan
aliberaltexan

I agree.  I mean, it's not like shopping is going to be entertainment.  Relax. Move on.

TexTaxAtty
TexTaxAtty

Maybe she was Jewish or Islamic.  Pork....and yes that means the skin too...is NOT Kosher or Halal.  Could be that she felt that she shouldn't even touch it.  Or maybe she was messin' with you because pork rinds are terrible for you!

TheAmberFiles
TheAmberFiles

My mom does this, it drives me completely insane. Just stops suddenly in the middle of the aisle to put on her glasses or look at her phone. I usually keep walking or duck down a nearby aisle to avoid the angry grunts and sighs of exasperation coming from the people behind us.

gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

Ugh my better half did this yesterday, drives me nuts.. So inconsiderate, get that butt in gear and move on out..

bibulb1
bibulb1

ARRRGH. Right up there with "I Guess That Means It's Free, Huh?"

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

Oi! Forgot that one. My god, what prompts that mindset?

elizabethcurless
elizabethcurless

@Houstess Usually those barriers are waaaaay up next to the cashier. Would you rather I drag my breasts across your bananas just to reach the barriers because you don't feel like being a decent human being? I'm short, cut me some slack, I don't have stretch armstrong arms to reach around everything.

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

@Houstess That's ridiculous. You place the barrier after you place your last item to signify you're done and the next person can start loading


As for the first part... I freely admit that I seem to attract terrible people around me in the store wherever I go. It's gotten to the point I blame myself for cashier yellers.

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

I was willing to make allowances for people from other countries on that one, but yeah, it's annoying

Hanabi-chan
Hanabi-chan topcommenter

@JefWithOneF They probably watch those Extreme Couponing shows. Speaking of which, people who want to argue with the cashier about coupons. If you feel slighted, take it up with the manager in a non-confrontational way after checking out and NOT in front of the cashier.. I have done it before and my patience and politeness with  the manager has always been rewarded.

Hanabi-chan
Hanabi-chan topcommenter

@JefWithOneF And I cast a vote for those who are too darn lazy to put the shopping cart in the cart stalls after they finish unloading their groceries. This especially sets me off because my first job was as a sacker at Safeway. Which meant having to go out to the parking lot and rounding up abandoned carts to take them inside. This was back in the old days when there was no cart stalls.  I always put my cart in that stall, every time no exception. I will also round up any around my parking space too.  Seriously, how frigging lazy are you to not walk a few feet? Unless you are disabled you have no excuse.

babychef42087
babychef42087

@Hanabi-chan @JefWithOneF That used to happen to me all the time when I worked at Randall's. The customers would sometimes cut the expiration date off of the coupons and argue with me when I couldn't accept the coupon. They would hold up the line and get everyone behind them pissed off, and then decide that they did not want the merchandise, and walk off!

h_e_x
h_e_x

@Hanabi-chan @JefWithOneF Last week I saw someone chewing out a cashier because they wanted to use an expired coupon. It was for some random item that was pretty cheap to begin with, but they wanted the 50 cents off. I slapped down a dollar bill and told them to keep the change, because it was obvious that they needed it if they were willing to harass the cashier over a few cents.

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